A Christmas Carol

I was only thinking the other day that I’d never read Charles Dickens’ A Christmas Carol. I watched various TV adaptations, especially The Muppets version. As I was ironing I was watching some cheesy American Christmas film that seemed all a bit formulaic and highly predictable.

Dickens’ novel was written in six weeks in 1843, published in one volume unlike many of his previous novels that were serialised. It was published on 19th December and was sold out by Christmas Eve. It has never gone out of print. He wrote about his experiences of being the son of a debtor in and out of debtors prison and at a time when Christmas traditions were less celebrated.

As we’re into the final week ahead of Christmas I’m waiting for our daughter to arrive for the family gathering, I was flicking through the channels and came across the original film, made in 1951. I have seen it many years ago but probably not all the way through. For some reason I felt compelled to watch it from beginning to end. It has obviously had a bit of a remastering. The images were very clear and the sound less crackly. As Scrooge comes back from his trip with the ghost of Christmas Present and opens the window to ask the boy to get the goose, bells are ringing out.

Given the technology at the time, this is a masterpiece of cinematography. Faded ghosts, soundtrack and such eloquent acting skills from Alistair Sim. So far, by far, the best Christmas movie I’ve watched.

After the film there was a programme about Dickens’ life. Seems he started out with a very poor and simple background but managed to work his way up from a journalist to novelist, married for 22 years with 10 children before scandalously separating from his wife in favour of an 18 year old bit of fluff. Going from doting husband and father to a bit of a miserly, bitter old man. As his stories grew darker, so did his life.

I’m looking forward to R taking control of the TV remote and finding some fun stuff to watch. She usually puts us on to good films and shows.

Love language and laptops

At work I have two monitors, which until I had them, I didn’t realise I needed. With multiple windows opened, it’s remarkable the difference it makes to be able to have two things on view at the same time. At home, C has two monitors on our main PC, but I just have my laptop that sits on my desk, not really at the right height either.

This past week, thanks to the latest Covid instructions, I’ve been working from home again. I have been using my work laptop, and back to only having one screen. It’s not the end of the world, there are far greater things to be concerned with, but suddenly it did make a difference.

I happened to mention this to C the other day, and how useful it had been on a Zoom call recently to be able to have everyone on one screen whilst the document I was sharing with them was on the other. I suggested that it might be an idea to check the post-Christmas sales to see what bargains were to be had.

Next thing I know…

A pole that can have a monitor attached one side and a laptop resting on a metal tray on the other arrived one day. A mahoosive 24” monitor arrived the next. An hour or so later, I have a new home office set up with a massive screen directly in front and my laptop slightly off to the right. He said that when he checked the website there was little in way of stock and what was there was already discounted so he thought he’d get it now.

Now, I am extremely grateful of course, but it got me wondering about a podcast I’d listened to about 18 months or so ago all about Love Languages. The concept of love languages was developed by Gary Chapman which he distilled from his experience in marriage counselling. The five love languages are five different ways of expressing and receiving love: words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, and physical touch. Not everyone communicates love in the same way, and likewise, people have different ways they prefer to receive love.

Its clear that C likes to express his love language as acts of service. He does so much for so many in many different ways. It can be from making my coffee in the morning, to all the work he does for the #bellringing community locally, to fixing things, booking things, arranging things and generally providing. Don’t get me wrong, I love having things sorted out for me, my coffee made, my dinner cooked (to be fair he is retired and I’m still at full time work), and things around the house done for me, but I do miss cooking sometimes. And sometimes he’ll take over doing things, even when I don’t really want or need him to.

I like receiving gifts, and I don’t know many people who don’t, but I think my love language would actually be a combination of quality time and physical touch. I’d rather spend time with him, and those closest to me, and to feel physical connection, even though I’m not really a touchy, feely sort. We do often hold hands when we’re sitting on the sofa watching tv, and our feet usually interlace when we’re asleep in bed. I do like to hug our daughter. We don’t get to see her very often so its nice when we do, and she leans in for a hug or presents the top of her head for a kiss. Even now she’s 24, it feels lovely when we’re sitting on the sofa and she leans in and puts her head on my shoulder, even if it’s only for a few seconds.

I am extremely grateful for my new home office set up and look forward to getting used to what pops up on each screen. It’ll be fun rearranging the desk items multiple times until I’m happy with them.

Thank you Mr C.

Get committed to yourself

How committed are you? To life, love and your goals? There’s a difference between wanting something and being committed to getting or achieving it. It’s easy to want something but we tend to give up on it if we hit an obstacle or it gets too hard or seems impossible. If we are committed we’ll still show up for it, not matter what.

If we are committed, anything is possible, anything we’ve wanted is achievable. There’s a joy, focus and we know where our energy is going and we know what we’re creating.

We don’t’ need to know how something is going to happen but if we’re committed to it, the answers will come. We’ll see opportunities for things to happen. The moment something gets hard isn’t an excuse to give up, it’s the catalyst for pushing forward.

Commitment needs tenacity, grit, determination and effort to show up.

When we know what our commitments are we know what is a strong “yes” or “no”. When opportunities come our way, if we’re committed, we can look at that opportunity and ask whether it services our bigger goal or vision. If it doesn’t then it’s not a good idea at that moment. It makes decision making so much simpler.

Commitment gives direction and focus. We can channel our thoughts and actions around that commitment.

The process of committing can give us a sense of joy of who we are becoming by committing to something.

One a scale of 0-10 we need to ask ourselves how committed are we to our dreams? If we want to create more fun in our lives, lose weight, improve relationships, land that new job, then we need to be all in at a 10. Anything less is only a want and likely never to happen if something hard gets in the way. Find that thing we want to commit to, it doesn’t have to be grand, we only need to like our decisions for wanting whatever it is we want.

I have spent this year committed to finding out more about myself, my wants and needs, and I have been committed to learning how to achieve that. It’s still ongoing, but I feel that I’m getting more comfortable with it each day.

I have in mind a commitment I want to make for the year ahead and I have already started to make notes on how to make that happen. It’s one thing and can be summed up in one word, but it’s multi-faceted and each element requires a different response, some of which I don’t have the answers to yet, but I am committed to investing my energy to make it happen.

What are you ready to commit to?

3 Questions that will change your life

There are defining moments in life that can change the course of your future. It could be someone asking you what you want to be, not just things like being a mother, a wife/partner, in this job or that role, but what do you really want to be, how you want to show up in the world. Back to current podcast fave Tonya Leigh who offers three questions to ask yourself.

Who do you want to be? This can be daunting to try to answer. Taking courage to decide who you want to be and letting go of every belief that says it’s not possible. It’s not easy. People will ask who you think you are, trying to be someone you’re not, but you are whoever you choose to be, if you have the courage, determination and grit to show up.

People will then start to see you showing up differently. Even when you’re still confused and overwhelmed by it all, ask yourself What do you want? You need to get really honest with yourself about what you really want, and it can be hard to get out of the “I don’t know” funk. But what if you did know? What would you have to admit to yourself? If you have the courage to admit your answer it can be the momentum for your life to move in the direction you choose. If you’re stuck in the “I don’t know” you don’t have to deal with the hard questions, you can stay exactly where you are, nice and comfortable. As soon as you realise you do know you can start to move on. Practice believing in yourself and your dreams, start positioning yourself in those areas you want to be in, and even blag it for a while, but do so confidently, as if you belong there.

When you start to style your mind to create what you want, you can still have limited beliefs, still feel the need to prove yourself, earn your worth. When you observe others doing things like playing chess in the park, lovers kissing, picnicking with the kids, having coffee or reading a book by a fountain, you can see how they embrace the simple pleasures of life. You don’t have to put those things off until “one day when”. What if the real secret to life is enjoying and savouring every day as if it were your last? What if there’s nothing to prove? How can you start making each day the most fabulous day ever? There are days when you are stressed and don’t do a great job, but you don’t have to be in a state of perpetual bliss, you’re only human.

If you ask yourself those three questions it will impact the quality of your life based on the quality of your answers. It can spark new questions that require your brain to come up with new answers. Admit to yourself who you want to be, what you want and how you can make today fabulous, then shape your thoughts and actions around your answers.

Who do I want to be? – someone who is taken seriously, someone who matters to somebody.

What do I want? – a home that I can be comfortable in, to be myself without apology, to be able to say how I feel and what I need without fear of judgement or ridicule.

How will I make today the most fabulous day? – by sucking it all in, by being grateful for all I have and the things that others do for me, by being present.

How would you answer those three questions?

Upgrading your “I am” statements

When you go about trying to change things, you think about what actions you need to take, but action alone is not the secret to change. How often do you set intentions to change, do something different, only to find yourself undoing it all a few days later? If you want to create change in your life you need to upgrade your identity, says podcast fave Tonya Leigh.

If you remain in the same person and don’t change your mindset, nothing will happen. If you want to have a better relationship with money or food or whatever, you need to become the person who is already great with money, food or whatever it is. However, you tend to tell yourself you’ll be that person once you’ve created the result. You need to become that person first in order to create lasting results.

The two most powerful words you’ll ever speak, according to TL, are “I am”. That is TL’s secret to change. To create change you have to upgrade your identity that is made up of a combination of “I am” statements.

I fyou have an identity of someone who struggles in a particular area, your “I am” statements are things like “I am fat”, “I am unloveable”, “I am insecure”, “I am not enough”. If you keep telling yourself those things, you are proving yourself right over and over. No amount of action will change that as you alsways come back to your identity. Your brain will look for all the reasons to maintain the familiar.

If you want to create lasting change you need to e thinking about the person who has created the change you are seeking, and what is their identity and “I am” statements that created that identity. Start practicing becoming that person ahead of time in order to create lasting results.

Its not an overnight transformation or a quick fix. Chances are if things did change drastically overnight, it wouldn’t last because you’re not matching your identity with the results you want.

You can change your identity but it will take time. You can begin to practice learning how to take care of your body, finances, relationships or whatever. Your “I am” statements are so powerful, telling your brain this is what you want it to create for you. You have to practice being the person you want to become now to create the results you want in the future. Try not to speak into existence the things you don’t’ want to experience.

If we woke up saying “I am excited about this day”, rather than “I am dreading this day”, it will have a positive effect on you feel and determines what you do or don’t do.

Imagine what your future self would say, think how that person thinks, feels and shows up in the world.

Notice what your “I am” statements are. Do they feel like freedom, inspirational, expansive and like love? Do they match the person you are becoming? Or are you in a habit of saying “I am” to things you have evidence for now but when you think of your future self, you created something totally different? What “I am” statements has your future self created and practiced. Be deliberated and intentional with your “I am” statements.

I must admit to having a habit of saying “I am not enough”, “I am unlovable”, “I am rubbish”. In fact I woke up this morning feeling like “I am unhappy”, and I’ve felt pretty miserable all morning. As I’m writing this I am trying to shift my mindset to a more positive statement, but it’s really difficult.

What are you positive “I am” statements?

Who wants to join my Celebration Circle?

The more you celebrate life, the more it celebrates you back. What do you want to celebrate? There’s always something going well, going right, beautiful to focus on.

I’m back to listening to podcast fave Tonya Leigh who said that the cumulative effect of complaining and negativity in our lives can take us farther away from feeling good, better and joyful. If you are accustomed to feeling negative it becomes familiar and the body craves familiar, so it becomes something that your body seeks out.

We are driven to go further, faster, harder, all from a place of fear, then we add negativity, complaining and focussing on what is lacking and what’s going wrong. If you want a better life you have to stop participating in those kinds of conversations, take responsibility for your energy and how you feel, and stop blaming the world for your state of being. Stop talking to people about how much you hate your partner or your job, or the state of politics and all that’s wrong with the world, and ripping apart your own self-worth.

What good are you showing up as angry, or resentful, or hopeless, or sad? “You don’t get to the top of the mountain by complaining about being in the valley. You get there by celebrating where you are, learning from where you are and slowing making your way up”. When things are hardest that’s when you need to celebrate the most. We don’t see how magical and amazing some of the everyday things are.

We all want to feel better but we can’t if we’re constantly chasing and delaying joy until “one day when”. When you’re living in a state of celebration you’re not needing that something to fulfil you, so when it happens its like the icing on the cake. Don’t wait for that special occasionto use or wear something, or do something or go somewhere. Do it now while you can enjoy it. Look around you and notice something tha tis beautiful and celebrate it.

The idea of celebration circles is to gather your friends and instead of having a moan sesh, do nothing except celebrate. Set a date and invite everyone you want to come with a clear intention to celebrate. It could be anything from past, present or future. In the past you may have complained about something but celebrate the fact that you learned from it, or look at it from a different perspective. For the present its about waking up to this moment and looking at what you want to seek. To celebrate the future, think of something you want in the future and pretend you already have it, as if it’s already happened, get into the feeling state of it as a done deal. At the end of the event there’s a collective energy that impacts everyone and how they show up.

If you think you don’t have those type of friends to be able to do something like that, then the best way TL suggested to draw them to you is for you to celebrate your life right now, where you are. Walk through life with that energy and you’ll start to attract other like minded folk. Find online communities that focus of positivity and uplifting ideas. Like attracts like.

You can start a celebration circle by yourself, or with just one other, there’s not need to force a whole group. Create the time out to celebrate what’s going on right now, and what’s going well in your life. Set the intention.

So, who’s with me? Who wants to join my celebration circle? What are you celebrating this week?

Are you thriving or just surviving the holiday season?

I would love, just once, to experience the picture perfect Christmas time you see in the movies. The beautifully decorated house, making cookies and a smorgasbord of other treats, the roaring log fire, everyone sitting around happily chatting or playing games, drinking eggnog and singing carols. Of course, the reality is far from it. We’re rushing here and there, gift buying, wrapping, making arrangements to be here there and everywhere all at once, #bellringing multiple times in the week to ring for all the carol services that we don’t get to stop for, packing the car up for the great boot swap and preparing the house for a brief daughter visit. We’ve put minimal decorations up, and I haven’t had the chance or the inclination to do any Christmassy baking whatsoever. That’s not to say that some of it isn’t enjoyable, but it’s not all the glamour and glitz social media feeds present us with.

The holiday season is supposed to be a time of lasting and enjoyable moments and memories. In 2014, Jim Rohn wrote six secrets for thriving, not just surviving, through the holidays:

Be temperate – enjoy the food, enjoy the treats, enjoy the busy schedule and parties but be disciplined enough to know when to hold back or say no. Don’t go overboard then live to regret it the next day. Enjoy a little of everything.
Lower your expectations – we can expect too much from friends and relatives in terms of the perfect presents, the perfect event. If we lower our expectations, we are more likely to be pleased and satisfied with what we have, in turn making those around us feel more content.
Enjoy what you can and ignore the rest – this will turn out the way they will and you can’t control everyone and everything. If someone or something presses your buttons ignore it and focus on the things you can enjoy. Things won’t go perfectly, and that’s ok.
Stay out of debt – make sure you know your limits as far as spending on presents, going out and all aspects of the Christmas season. It shouldn’t be a burden, and you shouldn’t feel you need to spend huge amounts in order to have a good time, or to impress someone with your gift giving prowess.
Take time out for yourself – make sure you set aside time for you. Make time to read, have a bath, go for a walk, whatever it is that helps you relax. Don’t feel you have to rush around all the time. You need to reenergise your mind and body, and doing so will help you enjoy the rest of it.
Focus on your spirituality – the holiday season is naturally geared up for spiritual reflection, whatever tradition or background you come from and whatever spirituality means for you. You don’t need to be religious to find some peace.

Whatever else happens this Christmas time, it gives us another chance to reflect and remember the important things in life, and to enjoy time with those dearest to us.

I can ring a rainbow

In recent years #bellringing repertoire has begun to be referred to in different coloured zones. The green zone for those starting in rounds, call changes and plain hunting. The blue zone for those who have mastered plain bob, Grandsire and similar. The red zone for those progressing from Cambridge Surprise Minor, with the infamous black zone for the high fliers ringing beyond Bristol Surprise Maximus.

I won’t ever reach the dizzying heights of the black zone, partly because I don’t have the brain capacity, but also lack of opportunity, and if I’m honest, I probably just don’t want to.

I am comfortably in the maroon zone as I can ring some Surprise Minor and Major methods. On the way through I’ve rung in the green, cyan, blue and purple zones.

Last week a few of us were discussing methods we used to ring on a practice night when all the right people turned up. I’ve rung quarters of Superlative Surprise Maximus, Swindon Surprise Royal, Anglia Surprise Royal and London Surprise Royal. At the moment we can just about get through half a course of Cambridge or Yorkshire Surprise Royal.

I would like to get back to ringing other Surprise Royal and Maximus but need the right calibre of ringers to be able to do that. In the meantime I’m quite enjoying a spread of methods well in the maroon zone. A bit beyond Cambridge Surprise Minor and a few different eight bell methods.

Perhaps the definitions between the red and black zones need to be established. I think there’s too much of a gap between them.

The Ringing World produced The Little Purple Ringing Book for those transitioning from the blue to red zone. The ‘purple book’ has been fun to work through with my virtual #bellringing practice on a Thursday evening resulting in some quarter peals with firsts in methods for all.

It would be great if there was a follow up called The Little Maroon Book of Ringing. There’s often an assumption by the time you’ve mastered the red zone you should be competent to move onwards under your own steam. Personally, I’ll take all the help I could get thank you.

Whether Simon Linford’s new book The Core Seven and Beyond is an attempt to fill that gap I’m not sure, I’ve not seen its content. If you’ve seen it, let me know whats in it.

9 Types of festive Enneagram

The ancient personality test called the Enneagram can help as a guide in alleviating tension and help us understand not just how we do things, but why, especially around the holiday season. Sarajane Case described our Enneagram type as what we learned as a child that we had to be in order to survive, get attention or earn love. It’s the various tactics we choose to get our own way, and over the holiday period it becomes more amplified.

Once we know what our number is, we can more easily spot the behaviour we turn to when we don’t get what we want, whether that’s taking control or fading into the background, constantly appeasing others, spoiling for a fight or shutting down. The Enneagram show us how we expect other people to think just like us. Our needs seem confusing to others when we don’t communicate them effectively.

The holiday season enneagram types are described below:

Type One – The Perfectionist

Ones know how to turn the hurry of the holidays into a structured, easy-to-follow schedule, complete with breaks for photo ops and hot cocoa. They’re the uncles who create spreadsheets on their iPhones to tally points during family game night, the cousins who keep all of the family heirloom recipes digitized, and the sisters who post a printed map to show guests how to properly load the dishwasher. Their attention to detail is impeccable, and their longing to do the right thing admirable, but their focus on how to improve the world can sometimes come across as being a little too “particular.”

A One’s unique gift: Creating order amid chaos Best gift to give a One: Release control and let them take charge of the things that matter to them

Type Two – The Helper

Christmas morning includes personalized gifts, guest rooms with fluffy pillows and everyone’s favourite foods already on hand when Twos are hosting the holidays. Twos are naturals at sensing the needs of others and can feel it is their duty to meet them, even if it requires sacrificing their own energy. This makes them hospitable and warm hosts and houseguests, but it can quickly drain them if they don’t communicate their own needs.

A Two’s unique gift: Sensing the needs of others Best gift to give a Two: Notice their efforts and say thank you

Type Three – The Achiever

When Threes come home for the holidays, they’re often pulling new matching luggage behind them and carrying the biggest gift to place under the tree. It’s not that Threes are materialistic, but that they truly care about the way others perceive them and are constantly striving to improve themselves. If you’re celebrating with a Three, look forward to what will likely be a next-level holiday experience, but understand that it can sometimes come with unrealistic expectations for everyone involved, including the moment itself.

A Three’s unique gift: Crafting unforgettable experiences Best gift to give a Three: Verbally express the ways their efforts succeeded

Type Four – The Individualist

The holidays can be an emotional and magical time for a Four. With a penchant for nostalgia and a flair for the dramatic, they can often be found watching from the fringes, gazing wistfully as though every moment is being stored away like a sepia-toned Polaroid. Being around family or in their childhood home can stir warm memories of holidays past, but it can also serve as a reminder of all the things a Four believes they lack or have yet to become.

A Four’s unique gift: Creating emotional experiences to share Best gift to give a Four: Don’t ask about their five-year plan

Type Five – The Thinker

If you want to know the history of Saint Nick or the origin of the Christmas tree tradition, the Five in your group is a good first stop. Fives serve as the family encyclopaedia and their eagerness to learn and have thoughtful discussions is endearing. While Fives genuinely enjoy being around people, their energy levels are limited, so it’s common for them to disappear from the group for an hour or two each day. It’s important to remember that this sudden disengagement is not a rejection of you, but rather a strategy of self-care.

A Five’s unique gift: Boldly setting boundaries around their energy and time Best gift to give a Five: Remind them that their presence is important, but don’t take it personally if they need alone time

Type Six – The Guardian

Sixes tend to put a lot of pressure on themselves around the holidays. As hosts, they have backup dinners planned, extra shampoo in the bathroom and have already filled up with gas in case someone needs a ride to urgent care. As the most loyal of the nine types, they want to be there for their friends, family and partners without letting anyone down—which is, of course, impossible—but when they allow themselves to be present, they can cast off their stress and become the witty and warm individuals we know and love.

A Six’s unique gift: Preparing for every holiday crisis Best gift to give a Six: Don’t downplay their anxieties or concerns

Type Seven – The Enthusiast

Sevens are easy to spot at a holiday party. Fashionably late and never the last to leave, Sevens show up when fun is at its peak and leave before the boring clean-up process begins. At a family holiday gathering, Sevens are the aunts who bring fireworks to Christmas, the grandmothers who serve ice cream for dinner and the brothers who declare a spontaneous outdoor scavenger hunt in the snow. Sevens bring the fun, but when they can’t gamify the drab or still moments of a gathering, they can lash out or become restless.

A Seven’s unique gift: Only looking at the bright side Best gift to give a Seven: Allow them to seek entertainment, even if it means stepping away from the group

Type Eight – The Boss

A lack of leadership is painful for an Eight, and they will take over out of a sense of duty to the group if they sense a weakness in this area. Eights might announce a family activity without discussion or decide on a meal plan without input because they don’t feel they need a committee’s help to make the holidays run like clockwork. Celebrating with an Eight can be comforting, since everything is taken care of for you, but it can also leave family members chafing against the commanding rule of their beloved Eight.

An Eight’s unique gift: Comfortable making rapid-fire decisions for the group Best gift to give an Eight: Communicate that you have a plan and are capable of handling the situation so they can relax

Type Nine – The Peacemaker

Nines are prone to piddling, so it’s common to find them nibbling on cookies near the sink, flipping through an old photo album they found on the coffee table and hovering leisurely over a puzzle for a few days before announcing on Christmas Eve that they still haven’t wrapped presents. Low stress is the holiday vibe a Nine wants, and if other family members try to hurry them, they can withdraw or become passive aggressive. When the rest of the group is willing to slow down, they’ll witness how deeply aware the Nine is of how other people are feeling and experiencing the events around them.

A Nine’s unique gift: Intuiting the feelings of others Best gift to give a Nine: Pay attention when they speak

Sarah Paulk, who wrote the article said “Our personality’s preferences are not always in line with the needs of others, and unless we dig deeper to understand the motivations and desires of the ones we spend the holidays with, we’ll unknowingly create a tinderbox of tension waiting for ignition”.

I would think that I’m part One in as much as I like to have things planned, organised and sorted so I can then relax, Two in respect of ensuring everyone has what they need, especially if they were staying with us, and Five in so far as, as much as I enjoy being around others, I like my personal space and quiet time, I can’t be doing with all the noise. I’d try hard not to be an Eight, but I know I get irritated easily if decisions don’t get made but I’d hope I wouldn’t be a bossy boots!

Which are you over the holiday season?

Far from being a wallflower

According to Baroness Helen Morrissey, if you haven’t hit your sartorial stride by your 50s, now is the time to do it. She suggested we should be far from becoming wallflowers, wilting into retirement, but ready to show the world who we are and why they’re lucky to have us.

How we dress can affect how we are seen and heard. We try to fit in with the corporate style, or tone down to play it safe, or in order to land a new job. The Baroness, who is one of the few women CEOs in the finance sector, had her fair share of dumbing down to fit in with a masculine, conservative environment until she realised she needed to be her authentic self. When a new boss gave her that opportunity by saying he didn’t want another privately educated white man, and understood she was a mother and valued the difference she could bring to the organisation, it gave her ‘permission’ to kick start a makeover. She felt more confident in being able to be herself and started to dress in a way that celebrated that. She no longer felt the need to underplay her femininity and started to wear clothes that complemented her shape and embraced more colour.

With that came a newfound confidence and she found herself speaking up and being listened to. Her wardrobe choices made her more visible and the personal rebranding set her on her path. She has some top tips for how to polish your style:

Explore what works – what outfits do others compliment you on? What do you feel good in? Ask friends and family for honesty. Edit your wardrobe and use core pieces.
Whatever you do, do it well – there are no rules about what to wear (but there are decency and appropriateness parameters). If it’s done with respect and self-assurance, do what feels right for you.
Figure out your brand – if you want to dress head to toe in black, that’s fine, but perhaps try to inject some personality into it. Look for a point of interest in an outfit, like an asymmetric hemline or interesting embellishment.
Plan ahead – sort your outfits out for the week ahead, it gives you more time to consider each outfit rather than panic grab the first thing you come across.
Continue to evolve – take time to review and edit your wardrobe and put the items that make you feel good at the front.
You do you – it’s not about changing who you are, but how people perceive you.

When I worked in financial services over 20 years ago, I used to have what I called my ‘corporate kit’. It consisted of court shoes, black or flesh coloured tights, white blouses, a shift dress or a skirt and jacket suit. To some degree, I didn’t have to think about what to wear each day, it was all pretty samey. Things in the NHS are a little more relaxes with a ‘smart casual’ policy, although there are some who do still do the suit or dress. I was once told that you should dress for the job you want, not the one you have.

At home my style was always comfortable. Jeans and polo shirt or rugby shirt were the norm as they were comfortable for #bellringing in. The majority of my clothes were black or dark colours.

Over the last year I’ve been reassessing my wardrobe and trying to inject colour, femininity and style into it. I try not to wear polo shirts or rugby shirts very often anymore, other tops are just as ‘ringable’. I have invested in some skirts and dresses, particularly for the summer, I have yet to wear a skirt for work since the weather has turned cold. I am trying styles I would have previously not thought of and looking at clothes in a different way, considering why I should wear something instead of the multiple reasons my unconfident brain is telling me I shouldn’t. I am starting to take a little more interest in fashion, although don’t intend to become a slave to it.

Psychologically, I suppose I am becoming a little more confident, but I wouldn’t put that down to new clothes alone. I am working on other areas of my life that are starting to show in my confidence levels, my self-awareness and how I want to experience my life, and if changing my outfits up a bit makes me feel better, then that’s a good thing.