How do you impress yourself every day?

When you respect yourself you show up differently. You are more likely to take actions that align with who you want to be and your goals. My current fave podcast narrator, Tonya Leigh suggested the following ways to work on impressing yourself every day:

Dress in a way that makes you feel beautiful in the body you are blessed with today, not the one you had in your teens, or the work you are working on and promise yourself you will have this time next year;
Work on a project that you have been talking about for a while. Take small steps and actions towards achieving your dreams;
Eat nourishing foods until you are elegantly satisfied. Take one less bite, or make a different choice towards healthier options. Doing this daily adds up over time;
Make your bed every morning. A freshly made bed shows an elegant woman who completes things and it’s so much nicer to get into a well-made bed at night time;
Move your body. Even just before bed do some stretches, lunges or a few sit ups. Don’t go to bed disappointed in yourself for not exercising;
Take deep breaths before you say that thing or take that action. Be aware of your triggers and make a deliberate choice how to react.

An article by Trent Hamm on https://www.thesimpledollar.com/financial-wellness/moving-from-impressing-others-to-impressing-yourself/ suggests shifting your mindset from trying to impress others and consider how you would spend a day where you do nothing to impress others in any way, but do things solely that would make you genuinely proud and happy with the way the day went when you go to bed.

It could be doing something challenging, both in terms of physical but mental stimulation, like reading something that taxes your mind, spending some undistracted quality time with family/friends just because their presence brings value to your life, activities that will benefit your life in the long run more than in the short term.

Hamm suggested that living a life that you are proud of living each and every night will impress others if you genuinely impress yourself because of your behaviours; it would impress others by reflection. Devoting time and energy to effective ways of impressing yourself and building a genuinely better life, doesn’t need to cost a fortune, just the time and energy to turn your thoughts aware from what other people think of you. If you centre around becoming the person you want to be rather than trying to be a person you think others would be impressed by, you won’t have to work to impress others any more, they will be impressed by the person you have become.

What can you do to impress yourself today?

Self-sabotaging sleep patterns

I’ve mentioned before that I could sleep for Britain. Or at least I think I could. Or maybe I just fantasise about trying. My Fitbit tells me that I average 7.5 hours a night, which is the socially prescribed length of time. However, it’s not all quality sleep.

Looking at the breakdown of my sleep patterns registered on my Fitbit I’m generally either awake or restless about 14 times per night. I spend around 1hr 59mins in REM, 4hrs 10mins in light and 58mins in deep, restorative sleep. My heartrate during my sleep time is roughly 25% above resting heartrate.

I generally go to bed properly around 11.30pm – midnight but have often already fallen asleep on the sofa prior to that. I rarely have trouble getting off to sleep. On weekdays the alarm rips me awake at 6am and on a weekend at 7am. Once the alarm has gone off, I’m awake. I can’t lie there, or get back to sleep, unlike someone I could mention!

In order to upgrade my sleep for a more restorative slumber, the latest Psychologies Magazine quick test suggested that my problem is around self-care. The area I scored most on suggested that:

“Sometimes, there is no real explanation for a shift in sleeping patterns but, if you’ve previously enjoyed regenerative sleep and now find it more elusive, it’s worth taking some time to assess the balance of your life. We all experience periods of sleep disruption and, for many people, sleep quality naturally fluctuates. No one has perfect sleep all the time – but if your stress levels have crept up, or you’ve stopped making tome to eat well and exercise regularly, it’s time to ask why self-care has slipped down your list of priorities. Being well aware of what habits help or hinder sleep is one thing, but putting them into practice is another. You many know from experience that what you do on a daily basis has a direct impact on the quality of sleep that you enjoy at night. But, even with the best of intentions, it’s easy to lose focus and slip into old habits, especially if your inner critic convinces you that you’ll never keep it up and taking care of yourself is not worth the effort.

Try to remember that small acts of self-neglect can accumulate and evolve into self-sabotage. How easy do you find it to be self-compassionate? Think about the advice you would give a friend who was finding it hard to get the sleep they need. Then think about how you can start to walk your talk to improve your own unsatisfactory sleep situation.”

I think some of my pre-bedtime naps are a result of boredom, I’m not really bothered about watching tv that late at night. Once I’ve sat down and finished all I need to do, I shut down. Sometimes, sleep is my answer to stress, if I’m asleep it can’t bother me. Should I be more active in order to stay away later, tire myself out more and have a good nights sleep? Sometimes, I can stay awake until midnight. If I’m working on something, or engrossed in a good book, or scrolling through social media (although that’s not advised just before bed). I usually find the next day, or a couple of days later, late nights catch up with me and I need a week of sleep to get over it.

It may be conditioning though. A bad habit that I’ve got into by letting myself fall asleep on the sofa has just become the norm. If I were to stay awake a while longer, would the sleep I do then get be more restorative?

How do you manage to stay awake until bedtime?

Be more of you

Image by S. Hermann & F. Richter from Pixabay

Have you ever looked at someone else’s life, a celebrity or someone you admire, and wished your life could be more like theirs?

My latest podcast fave, TL, suggests that these people only ever show us the edited highlights. We don’t see posts about their pile of dirty laundry. They generaly post about things that would inspire or challenge, or something they have learned.

When we think about someone else’s life, consider:

We are all human. We have off days, rows with family, bigger problems to deal with than we let on to others.
Wanting to be someone else is like saying your own life isn’t good enough. It is denying how you treat your body and environment and how to make the best with what you have.
Iconic people create their own lives rather than waste time wanting to be someone else. They decide who they want to be and go and be them. They know what they value and desire and make choices accordingly.

You can still be inspired by another person’s life. I am currently enjoying looking at some celeb profiles that are of a similar age to me and seeing how they are in their “down time”. I know that I’ll never have their lifestyle and resources, but I can be inspired by them to show up a better version of me. I can emulate their tenacity, elegance and style.

TL encourages us to enjoy our own crazy, beautiful lives and not to ever want to have someone else’s life. Decide to fully want your own. Be more of you. I say look within yourself and see what greatness lurks beneath.

I have been guilty of wishing to have someone else’s life, the big house, the fancy car, the luxurious holidays, but then I wouldn’t have what I’ve got. A loving home, an awesome family, a good job and freedom to make my own choices, when so many around me don’t. I am aspiring to be more elegant and feminine, to change other’s perception of me and my own, to be more educated about the world around me, but I don’t want to be a carbon copy of someone else. I still want to be me.

An impromptu Bank Holiday outing

We had no real plans for the Bank Holiday. An extra day to catch up with house chores or completing some paperwork, reading and meal prep for the week ahead. C had noticed an advert for our local RHS Garden Craft Fair. It’s only about 10 miles away, so we jumped in the car and headed off.

The weather wasn’t that great, overcast and occasionally spotting with drizzle but it didn’t really rain with menace, and it wasn’t too cold. The fair was on it’s last day and I’m not sure whether it had quite the volume they’d hoped for but there were still plenty of people about. Maybe some didn’t realise that the fair was on and just came out for the day anyway.

We meandered around the stalls. There were a few outdoorsy booths selling garden furniture and ornaments; one guy was whittling furniture out of ash. There were a few food stalls but nothing that tickled our taste buds particularly. There were three main, large marquees with small, individual “booths” within. Most of them were jewellery, glass or wood crafted objects. There were some clothes made of wool and yak’s wool. There were a couple of stalls selling soaps and hand creams in all sorts of strange combinations of scents.

We went round everything once before deciding to go to one of the main Garden cafes for a soup lunch and had a bit of a wander around the top garden areas.

Then we went round everything again. This time with intent to purchase. C bought something for his granddaughter for Christmas. I bought a couple of real leather belts; one brown, one black. I also bought myself a gold necklace and a pair or pearl earrings. I found a couple of cute tea light stands in the shape of Santa and a Christmas Tree that would look cute on the mantle at Christmas.

I did look at a gold bangle on another stand which was simple but rather nice. Then I turned the price tag over. £850. The woman thought that we were genuinely interested and let me try in on. It was the only one there in gold and I feigned that it was too small. She decided that she would write a full quote for me to have one custom made, took measurements and wrote it all down and may be expecting us to call her to confirm a purchase. Luckily, we didn’t give her any of our contact details so she can’t chase us. It was a nice bangle and all, but fairly simple in design. I wouldn’t have though it worth that much.

As usually at these things there are lots of lovely things, lots of tactile objects and if you have the right home and the right budget you could spend a small fortune. My few purchases cost enough as it was and I didn’t see anyone taking larger objects, unless they could order them for delivery later on. I wonder how much these exhibitors have to pay for their space for the weekend and whether the actually get enough custom to cover their outlay. I guess they must otherwise they wouldn’t do it.

It was a pleasant enough way to spend a few hours, got my daily step count in and still left time to get the chores done when we got back home.

How did you spend your Bank Holiday?

A Grand Day Out

An early start to Saturday, getting up as if it were a normal work day at 6am. I should be attending a CC meeting today but an opportunity arose to go to see R and spend the day with her, so that trumps everything else. We headed off at 7.30am and got to hers around 9.

C had booked us tickets to the Hampton Court food festival. The Palace is a nice walk from R’s (just under an hour I’d say) and we debated whether to walk or bus given that we’d be on our feet all day but opted to walk it. We had plenty of time and it was a nice day.

When we arrived there was a small gathering starting to form but not too many people. We decided to get some breakfast before having a look inside the Palace then looking around the rest of the food festival and grounds. Bratwurst rolls and coffee was our morning fuel.

We walked around the Chapel Royal, Henry VIII’s apartments then the more modern Georgian end. There was a really interesting exhibit about the Field of Cloth of Gold with pieces, including the actually treaty signed by Henry VIII and Francois, on loan from HM Queen Elizabeth II.

It was interesting to note the multiple ways the various Katharine’s names were spelled. Even when referring to the same one it was spelt multiple ways. R’s middle name is one of the traditional ways of finding Aragon and Parr spelt, two of my faves of Henry’s wives. Anna of Cleves is the other one. Don’t subscribe to the Boleyn fan club, Seymour was either insipid or cunning (we’ll never know), and Howard was just plain silly.

Made a few purchases from the food and drink stalls and the Palace gift shop later and a pit stop for cream scone and tea before finding a bus back to R’s

We chilled out a bit, all of us almost nodding off, before heading out to one of R’s favourite pubs for dinner. None of us was overly hungry so we only had main courses.

A lovely walk along the river again back to the flat before we had to head home. Didn’t get back to ours until nearly 9.30pm but what a fabulous day we had.

My feet ache. My back aches. My bank balance aches. I need to catch up with the fall out from the CC meeting I missed but that will have to wait. I think I’ve been active enough for today ( see yesterday’s blog).

How to add enchantment to every day

“Wonder is the beginning of wisdom” – Socrates

If we choose to be fascinated in what is going on around us it can help turn something that we may feel trapped by into something more wonderful. So says my podcast mate Tonya Leigh (yes, I know I’m banging on about her a lot these days but I’m catching up on about 5 years of podcasts).

She also offered a few other suggestions to find the enchantment in everyday:

Place fresh flowers around the house. They add beauty and are alluring as well as being able to lift your mood and shift your energy.
Find the perfect colour lipstick. As someone who doesn’t wear make-up, this sounds frightening. I have a pinkish colour lip balm but that’s about it.
Take a walk in the woods, get out in nature and wonder at the trees and flowers and how they provide us with cleaner air.
Burn a decadent scented candle. I usually have the same scented candle all year round, Angels Wings from Yankee Candle, and at Christmas I get the Christmas Cookie one just to mix things up a bit. At a recent shop at Costco, I found a pack of three scented candles – one is Dark Pomegranate, one is Vanilla Bean and the other is Cassis and Fresh Fig. They may not be the Japanese Quince that TL refers to, but they smell quite nice.
Look at everything with wonder and awe. Think about how or what processes something had to go through to get to you, like a bottle of fine wine.
Dress up with a little flair. Put thought into how you show up. This is ok but you have to constantly keep an eye on the weather in the UK. You might think you have your outfits sorted out for the week ahead, but the weather is so changeable you’ll need to be flexible.
Have an afternoon tea ritual. Slow down and relax whilst breathing in the aroma of a herbal tea. To me the phrase “afternoon tea” also requires there to be cake. Maybe that’s ok too.
Stargaze and make a wish, contemplate the bigger things in life whilst staring out to the universe.
Mesmerise with melodies. Choose music that lifts your spirit and energises your mood.
Host a dream party. Instead of talking about everyone’s woes and worries, indulge in discussing dreams and desires.

Enchantment is not what you do but how you do it – seeing the beauty and mystery in everyday life. How will you be enchanted today?

Making every day active

How do you take pleasure in everyday activities? I’m not one for exercising, I just don’t enjoy it. I know I should do more but there’s already enough going on in life, I’m not sure where I’d fit it in.

I do try to go for a walk at lunchtimes at work to get some movement in but we have become so used to getting in a car to go even just a few miles.

I know that my place of work is 4.4 miles from home in the car. If I was on holiday, or visiting R, we would walk that far and back no problem. I guess the difference being not needing to hurry. I wonder though how long it would take me to walk to work. One day I might try it. Of course that would entail needing to start off super early to get to work for 07:30, and then not getting home until nearly 19:00. That might be ok during summer days when it’s still light, but not so pleasant during the dark, driving rain of winter.

We don’t tend to go for a stroll after dinner, or when we’re at home unless we need to go into town for anything. We tend to just sit on the sofa and watch tv, or go ringing, or join Zoom calls, or fall asleep.

Ringing is a good way to move your body. We do generally walk in on a Sunday morning, unless we’re running a bit late. Then there are the 53 steps up to the ringing room, the ringing itself, then the walk home again. I always take the stairs at work, a habit from when we built the new hospital wing and the lifts weren’t operational, and we have two sets of stairs at home.

I used to cycle a lot but now don’t have a bike, and there’s nowhere truly secure to leave it at work, there’s been a spate of thefts recently.

I do want to try more yoga or Pilates but again it’s about fitting it in. When I get home C has dinner ready and I don’t feel like exercising on a full stomach, or we rush off out somewhere (usually for ringing). I was hula hooping for a while but again, as dinner is ready as soon as I get home, I don’t get time to do any before food.

I need to get out of the negative exercise association and try to convince myself that I am a woman on the move, that deserves movement and that I can create a fit and healthy body. I don’t want to get old(er) and struggle to move. I want to keep my muscles and joints free.

What are some fund ways to move your body every day?

What is your inspiring mantra for moving your body?

Do you have some savvy secrets that keep you fit?

Slow down to a saunter

There’s always somewhere to be, something to do, someone to run around after.

As we head into a Bank Holiday weekend there’s opportunity for most of us to slow down, to read a book, cook a meal, go for a stroll. Slowing down, taking time to rest requires planning in our house, to create time for taking care of yourself, or space for creativity and inspiration. We have made some plans, some other things have taken over and imposed themselves on our time but there is a bit of time left for relaxation and recuperation.

Friday will be #bellringing based with both virtual (twice) and real ringing. Saturday I should be at a Central Council meeting but an opportunity arose to spend some time with R, and that trumps everything; we’re going to the Food & Drink Festival at Hampton Court Palace. That should be so much fun. Sunday is a return to all things ringing with the real thing in the morning and meetings in the afternoon/evening, with a bit of housework in between.

Bank Holiday Monday is the only day we don’t have anything specific planned. #bellringing practice has been cancelled as people generally like to have the freedom to go out or see family. I have designated this “go slow day”, the day put aside for reading, cooking and generally only doing things I want to do rather than have to do.

One way Tonya Leigh, my current indulgence podcast, suggests to help us slow down is to consider the following:

Write down all your obligations, cooking, cleaning, work, laundry, activities, everything
Go through each item on the list and ask if it is necessary. Would the world end if it didn’t happen today?
Imagine not doing each item on the list and notice how your body responds. Do you relax? Do you feel lighter?

Sometimes, I might feel more stressed at the thought of things building up. They’ve got to be done at some point and is it better to get it done and out of the way, freeing up time afterwards, or to put it off now, enjoy the free time now knowing that you’ll have to do it later anyway. Is is a false sense of security?

What do you do to help you slow down?

Only on the right side

I have noticed something happening in recent months which only happens when I lay back and turn my head to the right.

When I lay on my back and turn my head to the right after a little while, but whilst still awake, I make involuntary sounds like puffing air out, pffft, or slight snorting or sometimes a high pitched whistling sound. I don’t feel it coming on, it varies between noises, and I can’t stop it. I am fully aware of when it happens. It doesn’t happen when I turn my head to the left, or if I lay on my side or front.

Its only started happening recently and I have no idea what is causing it or how to stop it.

According to sleepfoundation.com sleeping on your back pulls the tissues around your airways downwards, making the airways narrower, resulting in snoring. Those with obstructive sleep apnea tend to have blocked airways that slow down or stop breathing altogether and snorting or choking is the body’s way of waking you up.

My issue is that I do it when I’m awake rather than asleep, and only on one side. I am not aware that I have a cold or sinus problems or any other contributing factor like a dodgy thyroid.

C does accuse me of snoring sometimes, usually when I’ve fallen asleep on the sofa. He’s one to talk. I’ve not been able to hear the TV over his snoring sometimes. It also doesn’t matter to him if he’s laying on his front, back or side. Nudging him to turn over has zero effect.

I might take a bit more notice of other symptoms next time it happens just to see if its when I have a cough or cold or sinus troubles, or generally more tired or anything else.

I have sometimes deliberately laid back and turned my head to the right in order to induce the involuntarily sounds, with some success.

What funny noises do you make?

Awards aren’t everything, but recognition is nice

The Health Service Journal (HSJ) annual awards shortlisting has been revealed, with 205 finalists across 23 categories ranging from Acute Trust of the Year, Mental Health Trust of the Year, Driving Efficiency, Innovation, Communications, Patient Safety, Partnerships, Staff Engagement, Workforce Initiative, System Led Support for Carers, Race Equality and others. Having taken a quick glance through the finalists for each category, my Trust is not mentioned once. Now, I don’t know whether we applied for any of the categories and were unsuccessful at being shortlisted, or whether we didn’t bother applying in the first place. We are not very good as an organisation at shouting about what we are good at.

The awards are for recognising how the health and social care sector continues to innovate and push forward inspiring projects, driving quality improvement and healthcare excellence. And finalists were selected according to a criteria of ambition, visionary spirit and a demonstrable positive impact on staff experience and patient care. I’m sure there must have been some of that going on here over the last year.

But why do people, or organisations not put themselves forward for awards? Is it because they feel embarrassed, or not worthy, or don’t feel they have done anything that warrants attention? Are they being overly modest? Did they think someone else would nominate them?

I do recall a situation a few years ago when a senior colleague won an award for Manager of the Year. I can’t recall whether it was HSJ or some other organisation but it was quite a high profile awards ceremony in the healthcare world. What was interesting though is how the award came about. This particular individual told her subordinates to nominate her for the award. She insisted on reading the nominations before they were submitted and edited several of them. She won, and I wouldn’t presume to judge whether or not she was in fact the best nominee. But was it a hollow victory based on telling people to nominate her, then essentially writing the nominations herself?

Winning an award or getting a certificate is not the be all and end all. Getting some form of recognition occasionally for a job well done is beneficial for a variety of reasons according to https://www.businesswest.co.uk/blog/5-reasons-why-entering-awards-good-business:

Being shortlisted or winning can boost organisational awareness and promote your business or organisation to new areas. It’s like seeing a film where the stars names include whether they are an Academy Award Winner or Nominee, somehow it gives you a sense the films must be good then. It’s essentially free marketing.
Going through the nomination process can allow you to take a good look at yourself/organisation through the lens of others. Do you match up to the criteria, where do you compare, how do you stand out?
It can provide endorsement. The winner or runner up obtains credibility, sending out positive vibes.
Awards should recognise the contribution of the many, not just the few. Behind every award winner is a team of people who have helped, supported, done a lot of the ground work which has enabled them to succeed. It can be a great motivator for the whole team, if they are recongised as part of the award win.
It can attract and retain talent. People want to work with other people or organisations who inspire, push the boundaries, make a difference.

Whether an organisation enters local, national or international awards, simply entering can boost morale. It’s not always the winning that counts, but the taking part. I hope next year our Trust may at least enter a race or two.