Disappointment of Cancellation

Gutted to have recieved this email yesterday. I had booked tickets for this event several months ago for step-daughter #1 and I to attend, and even splashed out on VIP tickets to get faster entry, drinks and snacks and a place to sit down and rest our feet. It involves staying at theirs for the weekend, a day of all things cakey, which we both enjoy and lots of shopping, whilst the boys fix a shed or something, lots of good eating, drinking and company.

SD#1 and I were only messaging each other the other day about how we hoped that it wouldn’t get cancelled and were pleased to read about all the precautions they had in place.

Whilst for me and SD#1 it means no fun day out for us, I can’t imagine how the exhibitors, professionals, organisers and competitors must be feeling. So much lost revenue for everyone again. Those competitors who had probably already started work on some of the entries, wasted.

At first I thought about the disappointment of not going to the event this year. They have said that tickets would be automatically carried over to 2021, but then I realised that it could also mean no weekend away and visit with SD#1 at all. Who knows what the rules of meeting up with, staying with or even distanced interaction is going to be come early November.

Hublet and I were planning on taking a few days to journey up and have our first night away from home since the pandemic started. Will need to discuss it with hublet and SD#1 to decide whether we go up there at all now. This makes me feel sad for hublet who won’t have seen his eldest face to face this year at all if that’s the case.

Draw things out, don’t push them in.

Our #MSEBuddyNetwork session yesterday was led by Chris Sheepshanks, a developer of organisational coaching programmes. He was very engaging and a real find.

He talked about coaching as being a tool to help others draw things out, rather than for you to push your ideas on to others. He said that a good coachong session should help the individual have a greater awareness of what they are doing in order to take responsibility for their actions leading to understanding what choices can be made to move forward.

Chris mentioned 5 principles:

1 -Slow down to speed up. We usually spend more time deciding what needs to be done and doing it that we don’t give enough time to reflecting and connecting in order to find our own purpose. Coaching should help people have a better conversation with themselves by facilitating pause and reflect.

2- Sustained high performance. We spend so much time on trying to achieve what it is we want to achieve without giving thought to learning, growing, stretching and developing ourselves. We need to find enjoyment in what we do and find a sense of purpose.

3 – Get comfortable being uncomfortable. Its easy to do what you’ve always done and natural to stay there but we won’t learn anything if that’s where we stop. Learning gives us a slight touch of discomfort and vulnerability but a good coach should be careful not to push too hard and risk over exposing or withdrawal.

4 – Trust & Rapport. To truly have a transformative conversation there needs to be a strong sense of trust between coach and coachee that supports an honest and openness with others.

5 – Enable Others to Play a Better Inner Game. Tim Galway says that everyone has the potential to perform but that not everyone performs to their potential. The interference that stops that by way of fear and self-doubt it what stops us.

I think that last point is significant for me. I’ve spoken before about my imposter syndrome holding me back and sometimes I do go for the easy option of familiarity and being comfortable, or even putting things in the “too difficult ” box and put off having to deal with it.

Having thought about this a bit, I am currently in the process of taking stock, to increase my awareness of what I’m doing and why, and take responsibility for learning, growing and developing in to what I want to manifest. Then I’ll make a decision on what direction to go in based on informed choices. For now, that might be taking some time to slow down to reflect and connect, in order to speed up.

Weighing in on Mindful eating

A number of years ago I joined Weight Watchers to try to lose weight before step-daughter #1’s wedding. Through diligence, planning, counting and going to a pop up class at work, with some colleagues, I managed to lose nearly 4 stones. I got down to a size 10, something I hadn’t been for very, very, very many years, and some would say was possibly too much. Once the wedding was over though I had no goal to aim for, so my love of food started slipping. I didn’t plan so much, I didn’t count so much, and gradually all of that weight I’d lost, and then some, crept back on.

A couple of years ago my boss and I decided to start Slimming World instead, but neither of us could attend a class in the evening due to other commitments, so we just used the app. Things started off OK and I lost a few pound here and there. I even got to my half stone loss award. So far so good. But there wasn’t anything driving the need to lose weight, other than the fact that I was heavier than I should have neen according to my BMI. The trouble is, I like food. And beer. And wine. Although I should say that I don’t drink regularly or in large quantities. Usually one pint and I’m done. So the weight has just been bobbing along the same line, give or take a pound or two here and there.

For me, the most significant issue has been lack of tangible reason for REALLY putting some effort in to losing weight. We eat well, and varied diet. Only problem is I don’t like fruit, of any description in any form. We do follow SW recipes, but we do indulge in treats and nibbles and naughty but nice food. Life’s too short, right?

There’s lots of empirical evidence that suggests that being on the heavier side increases your risk of heart disease, diabetes and so on. And now they’re linking obesity to a higher risk of contracting Covid-19. I don’t get easily swayed by things like that, there’s always some bandwagon to jump on. One week it’s don’t eat chocolate, the next they’re telling you that dark chocolate is good for you, in small quantities. And many other examples.

I think that if you want to diet, or exercise, or whatever, you should only be doing it for yourself and not to impress anyone else or jump on some gimmicky bandwagon.

I do want to lose a bit of weight but I’m not going to give up everything I enjoy about food and drink, to fit some stereotype of femininity or social construct. I will put a bit more effort back into counting and planning and if I lose a few pounds, hurrah.

Family time

Since lockdown has prevented meeting up as a large family group, there are several events that we would have normally arranged a gathering for. However, the wonders of technology does mean that we can see and talk to each other, albeit virtually.

Every other Sunday we have a family Skype call with parents, siblings and “the youngsters” i.e. our daughter and nephew, when they are available. We are scattered by distance across various parts of Essex, Hertfordshire, Surrey, Portsmouth, and North Lincolnshire. Our daughter is in Surrey and often has to work at weekends and our nephew is at University and has other things to occupy him.

This week all but our daughter were able to log on together. We had a separate session with R when she got home from work.

It works out really well when J has a list of questions for everybody. That way everyone gets to find out everyone else’s news and updates. The one time that didn’t happen it all descended into chaos with everyone talking over each other. But this week’s was back on track.

Even though we can’t meet up, at least our family still manages to see and talk to each other. I know for many others, even that is not possible.

This week we spent an hour and a half with the larger family chat, then another hour with our daughter catching up on her news. Things are going from strength to strength for her and despite what could have been quite a difficult time for her during lockdown, she’s fallen on her feet and seems really settled now. The wonders of technology means we can see her as well as talk to her and we can see for ourselves that she’s good.

Happy bubba means happy mumma.

Busy doing nothing

Apart from an interview to record in the evening we had nothing planned for Saturday. There was a time when we should have been helping at the District Training Day but with current restrictions, that got cancelled 😞

I demanded that the alarm clock be turned off. I have to get up at 6am for work, so I was going to take this rare opportunity for a lay in. Still wide awake at 6am though. Didn’t get out of bed until nearer 8am but couldn’t get back to sleep properly.

Once up and showered Mr presented me with coffee and a bacon sandwich for breakfast. Blessed. Then I just sat playing games on my tablet until he’d showered and dressed.

We wandered into town for nothing in particular but still managed to spend money on not a lot. I did buy a new pair of work shoes and Mr spotted a poster in the shoe shop of someone bearing the same surname as my family. Random.

Spent the afternoon back home reading and generally not doing much. Mr made dinner and we watched TV for a bit.

I recorded a #bellringing interview later on, then back to the sofa for more of doing nothing in particular.

Part of me thinks that I’ve wasted a day, but then there’s nothing wrong with having some solid “do nothong” time to recharge the old batteries.

Back on it tomorrow.

Cake magazine week 2

As you know I’ve decided that all these cake magazines I’ve been collecting over the years actually need to be used, so this was week 2. Of the morsels on offer to create in this weeks mag was sponge squares covered in water icing with piped lines and dots.

The recipe called for an 8inch square madeira cake, cut into squares then an apricot glaze, followed by some lovely pastel shades of water icing, then some uniformed, delicately piped lines and dots in a contrasting colour.

Having just jumped on the bandwagon and purchased a silicone mould that looks like individual cake slices, I decided that would be fun rather than making plain old boring squares. So far so good.

Once cooled, the recipe says to apply a glaze of apricot jam. Open the fridge. Raspberry it is then. Slap it on. Then, to make the coloured icing more vibrant, add a thin layer of white fondant. Hmmm, rummage, rummage. White chocolate modelling paste it is then.

The suggested water icing was delicate pastel shades of lime green, yellow, baby blue and orange. I had deep red and blue to hand! That’ll do.

The magazine went on to describe how to pipe the perfect straight line, and perfectly rounded dots. Sod it, I’ve got a pot of sprinkles that need using up. On ya go. Bosh, and done.

Not pretty. Not as advertised. But edible. As its only for me and Mr, it’ll go down just fine with a cuppa. ☕

Ahhhhh, new pillows

Mr came home from food shopping yesterday with the addition of 2 new sets of new pillows for our bed 😁 I can’t tell you how excited I am about that. I love soft, voluminous pillows.

Trouble is, they’re not really good for supporting your neck apparently and the way I sleep actually makes them fairly redundant. I tend to sleep 💤 on my front with my arms folded but above my head. That means that I tend to push the pillows up and most of my head is actually resting on the mattress.

Apparently that’s one of the worst positions to sleep in, according to onhealth.com who say that 7% of people sleep like this and although it may help ease snoring it may aggravate neck and back pain. I used to suffer quite chronic back pain but over the last year or so it seems to have improved.

All that aside though, being able to let your head flumph down into a soft pillow is such a good feeling, even if it is shortlived until I turn over.

Night, night 🥱😴

Give it a go

I hosted our district virtual #bellringing practice last night. It’s tricky in that you’re never sure who is going to turn up and what their ability is. There are some who positively indicate they’re coming then don’t turn up and those who don’t indicate they’re coming and do turn up. We ended up with 8 ringers, we did have 9 but she had internet issues so logged off.

One lady was new to us, we’d not seen her before or knew where she was from but we made her very welcome. We enquired where she rang and what sort of thing she was capable of. That really is one of the best things about #bellringing, you can pretty much pitch up anywhere and join in and are generally made welcome.

This particular lady said that she could ring plain hunt doubles, one of the first more complex things that you start to learn, it forms the basis of everything to come as you progress through more complex stuff. I assigned her to one of the bells and other ringers around her and off they went. She rang really well. To be honest I was pleasantly surprised.

With other people we rang a range of different things, some with greater success than others, but some of that was technical issues. Then I asked this lady if she’d ever tried plain hunt minor, the next step up from what she’d rung earlier. She said she’d never rung it before but recited the pattern perfectly using places rather than what number bell to follow. I assigned her to a bell and the rest of the band and she proceeded to ring it flawlessly. She said it was genuinely her first attempt at it. We rang some other things then I suggested she had another go at it from a different starting position. Again, she rang it brilliantly. I think she was also very pleased to have done it too.

To join in with a different group of ringers you don’t know takes some guts, especially as a relative learner. To then ring something you’ve never rung before as well was just fantastic. I do hope that she feels able to join us again on the next virtual practice. I think she could gain a lot from ringing with others apart from her own band.

Embrace the average

I was listening to an old episode of The High Low Podcast yesterday and they were discussing being distinctly average. If you type in “being average” into a Google search the first raft of responses are about how we shouldn’t settle for average, we should strive for being the best, the biggest, the highest paid, the most (insert noun of your choice). This implies that being average somehow isn’t quite good enough. Well I’m here to say that being average is just fine. It’s fine for you, where you are in life at this moment of time.

I’ve never really been supremely brilliant at anything particularly. I’m OK at stuff and reasonably good at some stuff and rubbish at other staff. We can’t all be brilliant at everything. I don’t particularly see this as a negative thing and its not something that bothers me.

I do the best of my ability at that time, in those circumstances. I’ve got to where I’ve got in a contrived workplace hierarchy through hard work and learning. I do believe that we should strive to be our best self, but that might by being average in terms of how the outside world relates.

I personally feel that Average is the new Great. Living your own life, the way you want to. I don’t aspire to be a CEO, I don’t aspire to have a massive house and garden and fancy stuff. I don’t aspire to be a jet setter, an influencer, marathon runner, or a fashionista.

I love the fact that I have some authority and some responsibility in all walks of my life. I have a home, car and a safe environment, which in some areas is what others aspire to. I make the occasionally good cake but I make some naff ones too. I can ring some methods including some surprise royal and maximus methods, but can’t ring some of the more basic methods or five or six bell methods. I can cook edible food but I’m not a gastronomic genius. I’m a parent of a well grounded, independent 23 year old but I didn’t get it right every time. I have some good days and some bad days.

According to Tim Denning, Its OK to be average, and average is a state of mind. What matters is the difference we make.

Embrace and celebrate being average 🍾

Seasonal change

The colour of leaves is changing, the morning’s are noticably darker longer and the night draws in earlier. We are half way through September, when autumn starts.

Its that time of year when you’re never quite sure whether you’ll need a jumper, or to take an umbrella 🌂 and what shoes to wear. Its the symbolic end to summer hedonism, even if there’s still the odd really hot and sunny 🌞 day.

I love autumn above any of the other seasons. I love the colours of leaves as they turn from green to red, orange and brown. The fruits and berries on trees and bushes seem more vibrant and remind me of hot puddings with custard. Once the leaves have fallen I love to kick about in them and hear them crunch underfoot. The morning mists and dew that make spiders webs sparkle. The clear night skies when you can see all the stars clearly. I even love rain showers. I love the fact that it heralds cozy nights in, wrapping up warm and drinking more hot chocolate (with cream and marshmallows obviously) than is good for you.

Some see autumn as the prelude to winter when harsher times may be ahead, but I welcome its warmth, colour and contradictions.