A different frame of mind

I think I’ve probably mentioned this before, but how we choose to respond to outside stimuli, pressures and events is entirely within our own undertaking. We can choose to get wound up by things, or we can choose to let it go.

My first day back at work this week was horrid. By the end of the day I was absolutely sure that the conversation when I got home was going to be around how much longer I would have to put up with this. C was his usual stoic self and confirmed my worst fear that I would have to stick it out for a few more years yet. Damn. I felt exhausted after just 1 day back in the office. I felt dejected. I felt well and truly fed up. This has a physical impact as well. I was unmotivated to do anything else and I stuffed my face with crisps and chocolate. I felt physically sick at the prospect of having to go back the next day and deal with it all, all over again.

Fast forward a few days and I’m in a much better frame of mind. The plans I put in place on Monday have had a positive result and things are looking ok for the coming week. I’ve also made the conscious observation, out loud to others, about what I am currently employed to do versus what I get dragged back in to, through necessity, but that I shouldn’t really, and the impact that is having both on trying to deliver what it is I’m supposed to be doing, but also providing the right kind of support to those in the department. A fuller conversation as to how that plays out is happening later this week.

My point being, my mind-set had changed. I had chosen to not allow the frustrations at the beginning of the week to overshadow the rest of the week. I packed that day away and moved on. I’m not pretending it was an easy transition. I still woke up on the Tuesday really not wanting to go to work.

According to the Mayo Clinic (https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/stress-management/in-depth/positive-thinking/art-20043950), whether you are a pessimist or an optimist can have an effect on your longer term mental health, but also has physical manifestations too. Being more positive doesn’t mean that you gloss over the difficult things but that by approaching them in a more positive way can be more productive. Making the best out of a bad situation. Thinking positively can improve life span, reduce depression and distress, provide greater resistance to colds and better psychological and physical wellbeing, cardiovascular health and general better coping skills.

By focusing on positive thinking we can identify areas of life that may need changing, stopping to check on our thinking and finding ways to put a positive spin on it. By being open to allowing yourself to have a laugh during difficult times can help you feel less stressed. Following a healthy lifestyle is often cited, and probably the one I do least of. Surrounding yourself with positivity will rub off on you and practicing positive self-talk will help you realise that you have a lot to be thankful for.

I’m heading to the end of this week with a much more positive outlook that I had at the beginning.

Birthday boy

10 days ago I celebrated my 50th birthday and C pulled out all the stops for a lockdown special day. Today it was my turn to spoil him a bit.

A little bit more awkward as I had to go to work but we started with cards and presents. Lots of good things had arrived from family. Beer, a photobook, a sweet and cake selection, a mystery gift that he has to log into on the computer for, bumper box of Hotel Chocolat treats. I bought him a book about a bellringer who he used to ring with when he was at university and a set of e-bells. The e-bells are so we can ring handbells on the virtual #bellringing platforms. They haven’t arrived yet as there’s a bit of a backlog but I’m sure he’ll have fun when they arrive.

He’s had to amuse himself during the day but I did manage to get off work early.

He usually cooks dinner and we would ordinarily go out for a meal on birthdays but as we can’t do that I suggested I’d treat him to a take out. He opted for a curry and we both went for something different from the menu. He had one of his birthday beers to go with it.

I’d made a small cake, not very extravagant, but stuck a candle on it and took obligatory photo to send to all of his children.

He doesn’t do social media but many people have posted birthday wishes on my media, which I’ve shared with him and for which he’s grateful.

He’s not one for big displays or being the centre of attention but he’s worth it. Happy birthday Mr C. 💞

Making the most of time

No surprises but there are 24 hours in a day. How we spend them is our choice. Whether we spend them wisely is debatable. Some people profess to be really good at time management whilst others feel that there isn’t enough time to get everything done. Is time slipping away from us or are we wasting it?

The latest dossier in Psychologies Magazine goes into some detail about where commitment lies, understanding procrastination, understanding how we currently spend our time and prioritising what’s important. It offers some advice on timekeeping tips for the proverbial laters. Then comes the inevitable 10 question test to determine what stops you making the most of your time.

My results indicated the dominant trait of overthinking, putting hours into mulling over events, conversations, decisions and tasks. This leads to being overwhelmed and worry that others seem to be more productive. Others may be unaware the extent of the overthinking because the outward impression is one of calm. It suggests that I should schedule worry time and limit it to 15 minutes.

A close second was overcommitment, a difficulty in saying no to opportunity and helping others. But if that time does not align with core values it will undermine wellbeing. The challenge here is to find space in my life to connect with the people I love and nurture new connections. Resist the urge to fill all the time up.

Both easier said than done. Today for example. First day back at work after 2 weeks off. By midday I was already feeling that I’d had enough. I didn’t want to be there. By the end if the day I was starting to seriously consider my get out strategy. I had a meeting in the evening I had a zoom call which was fine, not anything stressful, just a bit of preplanned for something which may, or may not, be happening next week.

I’ll try and give tomorrow a fresh start and not worry about the things that I can’t do anything about. And it’ll be C’s birthday so I intend to spend the evening with him and not worrying about what else still needs to be done.

That was the week (or 2) that was

The end of my 2 weeks annual leave has arrived. Monday morning sees the return to the office. Have I had a good holiday? Do I feel relaxed and rejuvenated?

Yes, I’ve had a good couple of weeks off, considering. I don’t particularly feel relaxed or rejuvenated thought. But I suspect that’s to do with the fact that we’re in lockdown and we can’t go anywhere or do anything or see anyone.

If we have been able to do things, I might have felt more energised. As it was, I spent most of the week not venturing far from home.

The first week I took the opportunity to undertake an online Mindfulness course. This was quite interesting and useful, but not something that I’ve suddenly found enlightenment from. It did give me some focus for a few days.

I had 7 virtual #bellringing sessions during the fortnight, some which I ran. I watched a funeral online. I attended 4 meetings and 1 virtual dinner. In between, I did some reading, played some games on my tablet and celebrated my 50^th birthday, lockdown stylee.

I did spend some time, quite purposefully, doing not a lot. C still did all the housework and cooking.

This sort of gave me an insight to what life might be like at a time when I could give up paid work completely. However, if that was the case, things would happen very differently. I would see a fair distribution of household labour. I would also probably do some form of exercise, whether down the gym or online stuff at home, or more walking at least. I would definitely do more baking and cooking. I do miss that a little bit.

I’ve had a good couple of weeks off and enjoyed not having to get up early and go to an office and get grief all day. I’m sure that feeling will be short lived when I open the office door.

Virtual Henry Johnson Dinner with the St Martin’s Guild

As I’d given a talk to the St Martin’s Guild in September last year, I was kindly invited to attend the virtual 133rd Henry Johnson Dinner.

The invitation included a suggested menu that we may have been eating had the dinner has taken place for real. This was optional to follow but added an element of authenticity to proceedings. Personally, I went with whatever C dished up.

The evening started with a musical performance by one of the ringers and his fiancée. This was followed by a talk on the history of Henry Johnson and the establishment of the Dinner, followed by a toast.

After that was a video of ringing in Ringing Room of call changes on 16 bells, call changes on 6 bells and handbells by The Brumdingers, the young ringers group. This included photos of the young people playing jenga using Caramel wafer chocolate bars. There was another speech and then a photo montage of previous dinners.

What a fantastic event with 69 participants logged in but many were couples or family groups, so possibly 90+ attendees. Its the first virtual dinner that I’ve been to. All the appropriate proceedings were observed. Congratulations to the Guild and thank you for the invitation.

Wot no crisps?

For some reason over the last few days, I’ve really fancied a packet of crisps (and not for any reason that some people might jump to conclusions about). We don’t usually have them in the house and don’t eat them very often, but I really fancied the texture and crunch of some. Not necessarily the flavour even.

Today I decided to give in to that call and popped to the local supermarket happy in the knowledge that they carry a decent range, and I was sure to find what I fancied. C asked me to get a couple of other bits whilst I was there, most importantly the bacon required for tomorrow morning’s bacon sandwich.

Off I went, on a bright sunny afternoon, podcast blabbering away in my ears, feeling good about the day and the impending munching on some salt and vinegar Walkers crisps.

The local supermarket is only a few minutes’ walk away so it didn’t’ take long. The crisps are positioned just inside the entrance on the left-hand side of the store. There were probably about 30 different varieties. But….. would you believe it, not a single salt and vinegar flavour in sight.

I’m not just talking about Walkers, ANY brand. There were simply no salt and vinegar crisps of any make. Plenty of cheese and onion, plenty of spice Thai curry, plenty of prawn cocktail. But NO salt and vinegar. Disaster.

I then spent the next 5 minutes staring at the wall of crisps trying to decide what, if anything to have now. When you have something in your head and you’ve primed your taste buds, nothing else will really do, will it? I ended up selecting a bag of ready salted Hula Hoops. Mildly miffed and not really wanting those but figuring that I’d fundamentally come out to get a bag of crisps I wasn’t going home without one.

Fortunately, they had the bacon. All will be well in the morning.

Time to move on

Our virtual #bellringing practices on a Thursday evening with friends and family have had a bit of a progressive plan. We started off with some simple “plain” minor methods i.e. where the treble plain hunts and worked our way up to surprise minor and then started introducing an 8 bell method as well. We’ve had methods of the month for the past few months so we can consolidate our learning.

February saw us ringing York Surprise Minor and Kent Treble Bob Major, and for March we’re moving on to Durham Surprise Minor and Oxford Treble Bob Major.

A lot f the methods we played with I’ve never rung before, and some of the rest of the band haven’t either. Its been quite a fascinating experiment. Some of these methods I never would have thought that I’d ever ring. I dare say, that when we get back to ringing in the real world, I’m unlikely to ring those methods in a tower. The places we ring at regular just don’t ring that sort of thing.

I would like to try and ring them in a proper tower, but suspect that that might require some engineering to get the right band and the right time.

Some methods are transitory, they are stepping stones that help you understand more complex methods, and the likelihood of going back to them on a regular basis is minimal. Some are very similar and are good to be spliced together for variation, you just need to remember which one is which.

My brain capacity isn’t good enough to retain all of these, so I suspect that if we were to try to ring them in a tower, I would have to relearn them all over again.

Still, its good fun, stretching the brain and having a go at things we don’t normally ring.

Oh, innit mild!

The age-old cry when its unseasonably warm.

Who’d have thought that by mid-February we’d be seeing temperatures in the mid-teens and we could go out without a coat on? Well, that’s exactly what happened today.

We decided to go out for a walk as it seemed to be nice and sunny. I had a jumper on and put on what I call my Spring/Autumn jacket i.e. one that isn’t too thick. We decided to rerun a route that we’d done in the first lockdown when our daughter R was staying with us. We’d gone up the main roads and across the fields. Last time we had to rescue a baby fox that was out in the blazing sun on its own, mewing and looking feeble. No such fun today.

However, there were sheep and the twittering of Great Tits and other birdages. Snowdrops and crocuses were out in abundance too. By about half way round the route, I was very warm indeed, and would have taken my jacket off, but for the fact that I’d have to carry it anyway so may as well carry it on my back.

We did have a bit of a sticky patch as we were walking parallel to the railway lines. It seems a small brook had over flowed and the pathway was a bit of a quagmire. We had to cling on to the trees to heave ourselves across as the path was so mucky we’d have lost our boots.

By the time we made it to the bridge over the railway, I was really warm. There was a nice breeze as you got to the top of the steps so I allowed myself a bit of cool air to circulate, before we continued.

The round trip was about 4.6 miles and took us just under 2 hours. We weren’t rushing, we were enjoying the walk and the sunshine.

Given that its still technically winter, it was a beautiful day. I’m glad I was on annual leave and able to make the most of it.

50 Ways to Enjoy Turning Fifty

My sister bought me this book for my birthday last week. I thought I’d better take more than a cursory look at it. It claims to have 50 ways to make this the best year EVER. The book is set out in chapters based on making the most of turning 50, planning the best year EVER, implementing the plan, treating yourself well, having fun, looking back, looking within, expressing gratitude, putting things in order, eliminating what you don’t need, giving and looking forward.

Each chapter has key questions to help you analyse yourself and figure how to make the most of turning 50, thought experiences to delve a little deeper and activities to do. It does say that you can dip in and out of the book, fast forward to the bits that most interest you and so on but being a pedant, I started at the beginning.

Way #1 Accept your age.

Thought experiment 1 asks you to make a list of people you admire who are over fifty and who are living terrific lives and make a note of what you admire about how this person is living their life. OK, so first thing is to think of people over 50 who I admire.

I’m not going to list them all here because some of them might read this and either be embarrassed or disagree. I’ve written each of them in the book. Suffice to say that it includes C, my parents and siblings, a few former work colleagues, and some ringers I know. In some cases, I admire what they have achieved over adversity. In others I admire what they’re currently doing with their lives, and if I’m honest, I’m probably a bit jealous of. Some I admire because I wish I were more like them.

The key questions were what are some benefits of turning 50? and What are you looking forward to this year?

I guess benefits might include being that little bit wiser sometimes. Having more opportunities to reflect on what I want out of life and trying to achieve a better work/life balance. Nearer to retirement age (although still some considerable way to go). Looking forward to getting to see R again. This year has been an exception and we haven’t been able to spend time together, so as soon as we can we’ll do that. Can plan for the trip that we should have had for my 50^th birthday.

Thought experiment 2: what concerns do you have about turning fifty? What challenges are you experiencing or expecting? Which of those can’t you change? What constructive actions can you take regarding that item?

I’m not really bothered about turning 50. It’s just a number. I guess ill health, or my level of unfitness is probably going to be an issue at some point. I’m feeling less tolerant of other people, which I need to reign in a bit sometimes and there are other things that I’d rather be doing with my time but have to work instead. I can’t change that for a few more years yet unless something amazing comes up, like winning the lottery.

Freedom in sight

So today our Prime Minister has set out a road map to ending the UK lockdown completely by 21st June. To be honest I’m not sure how I feel about that.

Outdoor gatherings of up to 6 people could take place from 29 March. That means people will start mixing long before many have had both vaccine jabs. Therefore increasing the risk of spreading again.

Non essential shops like hairdressers etc and outdoor hospitality could be open again by 12 April. That’s good news for R and her flatmate who’ll be able to return to work. It also means that beer gardens will be open again so the idiots whose “first thing I’m gonna do is go down the pub” mentality will again be people gathering who haven’t had both jabs, increasing the risk.

From 17 May 2 households might be able to mix indoors. That means we’ll be able to go and see R for the first time since about November. It also means a possible return to ringing more than just 2 bells.

Then all restrictions could be lifted by 21 June. That is provided the 4 tests on vaccine take up, vaccine efficacy, infection rates and new variants get passed. There will still be great numbers of people that won’t have had the 2 vaccine jabs yet.

Whilst I want there to be people at work and people being able to see family members, its the idiots who go too far by flouting the rules and are purely selfish about it all that puts it all at risk again.

Please let’s not see a return to stupidity.