Focus on what’s important, right here, right now

I am conscious that I have lost focus on a number of topics recently. I have not been on the ball with #bellringing activities, and some elements of work life have drifted a bit. I have been somewhat overwhelmed with other thoughts about an upcoming task that requires my full commitment, hence taking two days off work for it, and the importance of getting it right.

What is this task that has you so perplexed you ask? My brother’s wedding cake. I have made plenty of cakes before, I have made multiple tiered cakes before, and I have (even if I do say so myself) done quite a decent job of them. But there is something about this one that has me anxious.

I expect its just because it’s a three-tiered wedding cake, so it has to be perfect. I have been given a brief to follow, whereas other cakes I’ve made have generally been of my own design and choosing, mostly because the recipient doesn’t know they’re getting it so anything goes really. This time it has to be specific.

I am perfectly prepared, in fact have already done the non-edible elements ahead of time. I have two days off work to create the cakes and cover. They don’t require any additional embellishment so a straightforward enough job. I just want it to be perfect for my brother and his wife.

There has also been anticipation of the arrival of a new member of the family. One has become a step-grandparent! I shall be known by my name rather than Granny or Nanna or whatever, the child has enough of those already. Baby has now arrived and hopefully we will get to see baby, mummy and daddy soon enough. I am sure there are others rushing up immediately, but we’d prefer to give them a chance to get used to the idea, get home and settled before we pounce.

So, once this next week or two is out of the way, I shall need to refocus of #bellrinigng activities. There is lots coming up that needs attention and support and I have to remember that not everyone is having the same stuff going on as I do so their timelines and mine might be different. All I can say is that I’ll do what I can over the next couple of weeks and then I’ll be on it like a hot potato again.

For now, I am focussing on what is important in my world which means that something in your world might not get as much attention from me as it ought.

In the meantime, please bear with.

What’s on your summer reading list?

I read quite a lot, although unless its non-fiction for self improvement or role related, I tend to stick within the same genre of historical fiction. Most particularly Tudor related. The trouble with having such a niche category is I have read most of what is available.

I am just finishing up Alison Weir’s sixth part of Henry VIII wives, Katherine Parr. I have even read her short ebooks that accompany the series.

Next in line in that genre are two books from Nicola Cornick, an author I’ve not read before but taking a punt based on a podcast recommendation.

After that I fancy something different. Something that will make me laugh out loud and feel good. Listening to a couple of podcasts recently has provided some inspiration.

First off was Women of a Certain Rage by George Hall. Amazon reviews say it is “fierce, brilliant, honest and very funny”. A story about a wife who wants to shake up her life after years in a dull marriage and being written off at the age of 50. Unfortunately none of our local books stores have it so I’ve downloaded.

I’d much prefer downloading anyway but I have a ridiculous amount of book vouchers that can’t be used on line so I have to spend them in the shop. That means having to buy physical books that I don’t really want laying around the house, just to use them up.

Anyway, the second recommendation was by Ruby Wax “And Now for the Good News”. An uplifting read about the modern world and finding the positivity amongst the mayhem.

And third on the list was “More Than a Woman” by Caitlin Moran. Billed as a hysterical memoire of a middle aged woman, a manifesto for change and celebration of middle aged women trying to juggle work, home, teenage kids, aging parents and everything in between.

I sincerely hope these books live up to their hype. Let me know if you’ve read them and whether they did or not.

Bad things happen in threes… while good things come in fours

There’s a saying that things happen in threes and that rang true for me this week. First, one of my Pandora bracelets broke, then one of my sandals broke (it just about hung on long enough to get home from work), then my smartwatch gave up the ghost. All three things were intensely annoying.

And yes, I am fully aware this sounds incredibly privileged and materialistic.

So, three things went wrong in one week. In my head I was pleased that that should be an end to it. No more things going wrong please and thank you.

On the flip side however, because of some of those things and others that I’d put in motion anyway, on Friday, all good things happened.

C had made a temporary fix for my bracelet, but the new strap he’d ordered arrived and before I knew it he’d replaced it.

After C had tried to find out what was wrong with my smartwatch he conceded that it was dead and needed replacing so I ordered a new one on Wednesday and it arrived Friday lunchtime.

You may remember a blog from a few days ago when I’d ordered some vases and the order had been completely stuffed up and it had taken two weeks to get anything done about it. The correct order arrived Friday lunchtime. I had kind of forgotten they were coming so that was an added bonus, plus I get to keep the ones they sent in error.

Also arrived on Friday lunchtime (it was like Piccadilly Circus at our front door) was my latest Lookeiro order of clothes hand picked by my personal shopper, Bella. All five items were brilliant and probably things that I wouldn’t pick for myself, but when I tried them on they all looked fab. The personal note that accompanied it was really lovely too. Bella had noted the comments I’d made about the style of jeans that she’d sent last time and sent a matching style in a different colour and had looked at my profile pictures and seen me wearing a wrap dress and said it suited me, so sent a short version.

I had previously commented on an item that they were showcasing on their social media, saying that I liked it, but Bella’s message said she had been unable to find a suitable one this time round but would continue to look. This is my second delivery from them and so far, I am impressed with what they have sent.

So, the week started off rather annoying, but ended on a high with it being almost like Christmas.

Two questions to ask yourself to make you proud

I am trying to catch up on some long overdue queued podcasts and the one I’m enjoying at the moment is a lifestyle commentary. It’s quite interesting from the perspective of the narrator, who lives in the US, somewhere idyllic by the sounds of it, and lives a very different life to me. I’m not pretending I want to emulate her lifestyle, but she does say some things that get you thinking about your perspective and how you treat yourself.

In the latest episode I listened to, which I think was actually recorded in January 2015 (I have to listen to podcasts from the very beginning and this is a new one on my list so I’m still early doors) the narrator offered two questions that you should ask yourself that would make you proud in the year ahead.

1) what will I no longer accept from myself and others this year?

2) what high standards will I create for myself?

The hypotheses offered suggested that you would receive what you are willing to accept. If you accept someone’s poor behaviour towards you that is what you will continue to receive. If you accept poor health due to poor diet then you will continue to have poor health due to diet. If you accept poor quality or standards that is what you will receive. These things are within your grasp to change.

Setting high standards for yourself is about self-care, professional life, living a beautiful, elegant, fulfilled life. This isn’t about spending lots of money to have lots of material things but could be simple ideas like not allowing yourself to be spoken to or treated in certain ways, or educating yourself so that you can do well in your professional life, or simply going for a walk in nature, enjoying the simple, free things in life that give you joy.

The narrator is clear to point out it is important not to beat yourself up when you don’t meet your own high standards, and acknowledge that every now and then, you will be unable to meet them whether through health, environment and other things that sometimes get in the way and by necessity take priority.

I spent a bit of time considering how to answer those two questions:

1) I will no longer accept my opinion is any less valid than anyone else’s and if I have something to say, I will say it.

2) I will no longer accept I must be at the beck and call of others during my own time. I will answer emails or phone calls when I’m ready.

3) I will no longer accept feeling guilty when I buy something expensive, for myself, using my own money.

4) I will buy quality things, which may be more expensive, but they will last longer.

5) I will endeavour to buy ethically.

6) I will glam up my style a bit so I can feel more elegant for no one else’s benefit except my own.

7) I will invest time and effort in my own wellbeing.

8) I will stop complaining or speaking negatively.

9) I will have fresh flowers in the house more often.

10) I will bake more frequently.

11) I will wear skirts and dresses more often.

12) I will speak more softly and not swear.

It’s a small start and I shall undoubtedly fail at some point, but everything has to start somewhere.

The power of anticipation

Having something to look forward to has so many benefits. It can be energising and helps relieve stress. In its simplest form, having a bad week at the office but having fun plans for the weekend keeps you going and helps you focus on doing what you need to do knowing that you have a reward at the end.

Simple things that we can anticipate include things like looking forward to taking a lunch break during the day, watching your favourite TV show, indulging in a piece of cake after a week of dieting, planning holidays and other ways to treat yourself.

Over the last 18 months we have had little to look forward to with not being able to see family and friends, some people haven’t been able to work whilst others have been overworked. My 50^th birthday plans didn’t happened as travel was out of the question. We didn’t get to see our daughter for several months and even when we could, only at a distance, outside.

So, as we crawl carefully out of lockdown and can see people again, we are starting to plan activities that are fun and where we can spend time together.

C and I have booked a week away in late September down to the south coast. We will make use of our National Trust and English Heritage memberships and visit lots of castles and houses in the area. I did a google search of other things in the area and came across a vineyard not long from where we are staying. I mentioned it to C and that they did tours and tastings and they had some vacancies for the time that we are there. He didn’t take much persuading to book it. So we have one definite activity booked to look forward to. Something that’s very grown up and elegant too.

R lives near to Hampton Court Palace and often walks through the parks to view it from the outside. We have been there before but she doesn’t remember visiting the house, only the time we took her to the flower festival for her birthday one year. She often spots activities they host but generally they are quite expensive. I spotted something in my socials time line of a food festival there over the August bank holiday weekend. I mentioned it to her and she was keen, so I mentioned it to C and he’s booked it. What’s not to like with all sorts of fab food and drink in a Tudor palace?

So I now have two exciting things to look forward to that are both quite refined events and very grown up, but appeal to some of my favourite things to do: spending time with C and Rand eating and drinking fabulous things.

Do you know your consumer rights?

I placed an order through a magazine on 12^th July. I’d seem some items I thought would make lovely gifts. I placed the on line order and paid via PayPal. I got confirmation of my order and checked that the details were correct, which they were. The next day I received an email from the third party supplier confirming that my items would be delivered the following day. Wow, good turnaround. I had confirmation the next day that Marc would be delivering my items that day.

I was excited to see the box when I got home from work. I opened it up only to find that the contents were not what I had ordered. I had ordered four items, there were only three. The items I had ordered were all different, the three incorrect items, were all the same item just different colours. There was no paperwork with the items, so no instructions about returns or refunds.

I emailed them immediate to explain what the problem was and received a standard automatic reply saying that they had received my message but were dealing with a high volume of contacts and would get back to me as soon as possible. This was 14^th July. I then received a second email with my ticket number saying that they respond in order of receipt and would get back to me in due course. I still haven’t had a response to that email two weeks later.

I am not unreasonable, so I left it a few days. Given my email was entitled “Incorrect goods delivered” I would have thought they would be interested to try to resolve the problem pretty quickly.

OK then, if they weren’t going to respond to an email, I would phone them. My first call was made on 20^th July. I explained everything to the customer service rep on the other end of the phone, trying to remember it’s not their fault. She said she would get in touch with the third party provider and call me back later that day. Nothing.

A second call on 22^nd July, referring to the first and that I’d had no return call as promised. A different customer service assistant said the first one had contacted the third party supplier but had not heard back from them yet. He would chase it and call me back to let me know what’s going on. Nothing.

A third call on 27^th July and I’m getting angry now. I explained to another different customer service assistant that I keep being told they were waiting for the third party supplier to respond. I explained that as this has now gone on for over two weeks my consumer rights are about to be infringed and they had taken my money, but I had not been given so much as a call back to explain what’s going on. When I asked who the third party supplier was, he feigned ignorance. I have a fair idea so will now try to contact them directly. I told this particular customer service assistant that if I have to make a fourth call to them later this week, I will be taking this further.

I appreciate that companies may be struggling with the pingdemic but it doesn’t take over two weeks to respond to an incorrect delivery.

If I haven’t heard back by the end of this week, I will be looking at my consumer rights and will be making it public with all the companies’ names, the magazine where the goods were advertised, the customer service provider who represents the magazine and the third party supplier.

The annoying bit is I actually enjoyed the magazine, but this experience has put me off buying it again and its not entirely their fault.

A different way to consider weight loss success

I have been on a healthy eating challenge for a while now with the purpose of losing some weight and feel better about myself. For quite a while my weight has just hovered around the same area of the scales with the occasional small lose, but then a counter gain again. I do find that I fall into the trap of having lost a few pound treating myself for a job well done, so undoing all the good I’ve worked hard at.

The bathroom scales have not been my friend this last week. They kept bobbing up and down by three or four pound despite the fact that I had actually been quite good with what I’ve been eating. I have struggled a bit in the heat with water retention too, my ankles and fingers swelling up. However, with the slightly cooler weather over the last couple of days, things have started to turn around again.

Its important to understand that not all victories can be measured by the bathroom scales. I have noticed a few other things, known as non-scale victories.

My clothes fit better. I noticed it most when I was wearing my jean shorts. I was actually able to take them off at the end of the day without undoing the button and zip. My work trousers also seem less tight and are no longer cutting the circulation off!

I can do more things without getting out of breath. This included keeping up with C as he walks. He has much longer legs and stride than I do and I used to get a bit out of breath trying to keep up with him. Although it still makes my calf muscles burn to speed walk to keep up, I am less breathless doing so. I can also climb the spiral staircase to the ringing chamber at the cathedral, 53 steps, without getting so out of breath.

I think my skin has improved too, with less greasy skin moments or breakouts at certain times of the month. I also have chronic urticarial and dermographism but since I’ve been eating more fruit, salad and vegetables, I have felt less need to try and rip my flesh off my bones. I have been able to cope with one tablet a day, when I would occasionally need two.

I would still like the bathroom scales to be friendlier but I recognise that they are not the be all and end all and that we should celebrate the non-scale victories as well, and acknowledge the progress along weight loss journey. Just not with a hundred weight of chocolate and cake.

Is there an art to journaling?

Image by free stock photos from www.picjumbo.com from Pixabay

We read in wellbeing magazines and across social media that keeping a daily journal is something that helps us keep grounded, show gratitude and generally support our mental health, helping with prioritising fears, problems and concerns, tracking symptoms day-to-day to help you recognise triggers and learn ways to control them, and provide an opportunity to speak positively and kindly to yourself. It helps us craft a sense of self and reflection on experiences and self-discovery. Often the instructions are to write three things that you are grateful for. Simple.

Only its not.

Once you’ve written that you’re grateful for having a nice home, or a loving family, or a good job you enjoy, or the smell of coffee first thing in the morning, how soon does it become difficult to find different things to be grateful for? Its not that we’re any less grateful for those things, but a journal would get pretty dull if the same three things kept cropping up.

Also, persistent journaling could have negative effects as it makes you spend too much time over thinking things, making you a passive observer of your life rather than active participant. You can become a bit self-obsessed and it could be a place of blame rather than finding solutions, and you could wallow in self-pity.

I have recently started listening to a different podcast about elegance, grace and femininity. About the second episode in, the narrator actually described, in some detail, how she didn’t really get the point of journaling but started anyway to see what the fuss was all about. After a while she got the hang of it and via her podcast offered some actual practical guidance how to journal, in a way that works for her at least. She acknowledges that her style might not suit everyone, but this was the first real example that I’d seen that was actually any use.

She suggests that you write:

A love note – what you want to give gratitude for
Secret garden – those things that only you know about/think/feel
Idea garden – describe dreams, goals, things to strive for
“I am…” statement – I am strong / beautiful / bountiful etc
Top three things that you want to put your energy into that day
9-1-1 – if you still feel uninspired, identify what’s blocking your thoughts and feelings and speak kindly toward it

She expanded a little bit on the “I am” statements:

I am deeply grateful for – list three qualities you possess
I am proud of myself for – biggest accomplishment this year
I forgive myself for – a regret
I appreciate my ability to – insert superpower
I love my – best physical attribute
I am high fiving myself for making it through – insert biggest challenge
This time next year I will be thanking myself for – deep desire

This is the first time that I had actually seen an example of journaling, and it made much more sense then.

I have never kept a diary, except for the year that I turned 40. I wrote in a book everyday anything from the mundane what I had for dinner and the tedium of work to the excitement of fun events and different situations etc. But I also wrote some heartfelt stuff that I felt I couldn’t say out loud during a year where quite a lot off odd things happened. I did wonder whether to do it again as I was turning 50 but never got round to it. I started a blog instead, so I guess that counts, although I can’t write everything I think or feel.

I am not sure this is something I intend to do on a regular basis, but it would be interesting to try it using the structure set up above might be interesting.

You know when you’ve picked the right guy when…

Brag alert…

When your Pandora bracelet breaks and within five minutes, he’s temporarily fixed it and ordered you a new one.
He cooks dinner, every night including the weekends.
He does the food shopping and buys you an extra treat.
He carries all the heavy shopping bags and lets you carry the light one.
He makes you bacon butties on a Saturday and gets the crispiness of the bacon just right, every time.
He builds you a specific cupboard, and a shelf in the garage for all the cake making stuff, even though you don’t use them all that often.
He builds you a new desk in the study so that you can work from home as and when and have all these virtual meetings.
He buys you The Little Purple Ringing Book.
He indulges your whim for trying different fruits knowing that if you don’t like them, he’ll have to finish them off.
He books an impromptu outing to the local RHS garden because the weather’s nice and it would be good to get out.
He buys all the fresh ingredients for the green BakedIn box because he’s read the email before you have and gets the stuff in ready so you can bake it as soon as you can.
He books tickets for the cinema just because you’d said that you wanted to see a film.
He’ll ring in virtual #bellringing session and generally call most of the touches, call a quarter peal at the drop of a hat because you decided it would be fun to just ring one because only six people turned up.
He never chastises you for saying or doing something he doesn’t like.
He never complains about the amount of clothes I have in the wardrobe, the airing cupboard and on the armchair.
He brings peppermint and cake / biscuits at 3pm when you’re on a virtual meeting, much to the entertainment of others on the call.
He does the laundry (except the ironing).
He does the gardening because he knows you’re not interested.
He’ll print papers off because he knows you haven’t had a chance to read through them before a meeting.
He changes the bed linen because you don’t like fighting with the duvet cover.
He puts the fan on when you go to bed because you get super hot overnight.
He waters the plants because you keep forgetting and they’ll die otherwise.
He lets you have a sneaky afternoon nap on your non-working days.
He orders the beer and wine deliveries, even when you ask for rose for a change.
He goes out of his way to make your lockdown 50^th birthday as special as it could have been under the circumstances.
He lets you buy overly priced flowers from the market stall just because you want something pretty in the house.
He’ll take your clothes back to the shop because you’d ordered one and they told you it couldn’t be delivered so you buy one from the actual shop then the ordered one turns up.
He’ll take your parcels for your family members to the post office or DPD depot, with a pre-printed postage labels.
He rips the bathroom suite out, re plasters the walls, moves the light fitting, installs a new bath suite, lays a new floor, which you’ve picked out, tiles the walls with the tiles you’ve picked out.
He orders a new front door, measures everything precisely, and removed the old one, and the surrounds, installs the new door, concretes the lintel, inserts the new fittings, then puts up the slate house number you’ve had since you last visited a Welsh slate mine.
He gets the front driveway re-laid because you moaned that it didn’t look nice with the shiny new front door.
He books a hotel for a post covid holiday based on where you said you wanted to go.
He can pretty much turn his hand to anything.
He’s awesome.

Back to where it all began 29 years ago… almost to the day

C and I were asked to help #bellrinigng for a wedding at a church that currently doesn’t have a band of ringers. It’s been a while since we’ve rung there partly because of the pandemic and partly because there is no band or regular practice to support.

It seemed like it was going to be a very posh affair. We had told the vicar how much we would expect to get paid and he added a bit extra on and said that he didn’t think it would be a problem at all. When we arrived at the church there were guests gathering in morning suits and ladies in their posh frocks, high heels and hats. Apparently, the reception was being held in a marquee in someone’s garden, so presumable a rather large garden attached to a rather large house, and therefore money not a problem. The church was over garnished. There were flower arrangements at the end of every pew, huge greenery constructions and even whole trees brought in in pots. All seemed at bit over the top, but what do I know.

We, and the other ringers, went upstairs to do our bit. We rang before and after the service. During the service, there wasn’t really anywhere to go and too many steps to bother going all the way down and back up again, so we all sat in the ringing room chatting.

We reminisced about when everyone last rang there, and when the clock mechanism was brought upstairs, and who used to ring there in days gone by.

I occurred to me that C and I got together from ringing at this church when they had a newish band and several of us from elsewhere used to go over and support their practice on a Friday evening. At first, I used to get picked up in town by another ringer and after a few weeks we all concluded that I lived nearer to C, so he agreed to drop me off home after the pub.

After a few weeks of this I invited him in for a coffee. A few weeks after that we decided to get something to eat on the way home and stopped off at a Chinese for a meal, where I saw one of my work managers at that time. Then in the July I invited him in for coffee, we chatted, we chatted and before you knew it it was 4am. We went for a walk around the block to freshen ourselves up, then at 6am after lots more chat, he left as he had to get home, finish packing, then head to Worcestershire for a ringing holiday. Before he left, we had our first smooch.

He rang me every night whilst on the ringing holiday and sent me a postcard every day. He also bought me a present from every day of the trip, so when he got home, I had a lot of silly little things as gifts.

That was 29 years ago. High Easter has a lot to answer for but thank you.