Is there an art to journaling?

Image by free stock photos from www.picjumbo.com from Pixabay

We read in wellbeing magazines and across social media that keeping a daily journal is something that helps us keep grounded, show gratitude and generally support our mental health, helping with prioritising fears, problems and concerns, tracking symptoms day-to-day to help you recognise triggers and learn ways to control them, and provide an opportunity to speak positively and kindly to yourself. It helps us craft a sense of self and reflection on experiences and self-discovery. Often the instructions are to write three things that you are grateful for. Simple.

Only its not.

Once you’ve written that you’re grateful for having a nice home, or a loving family, or a good job you enjoy, or the smell of coffee first thing in the morning, how soon does it become difficult to find different things to be grateful for? Its not that we’re any less grateful for those things, but a journal would get pretty dull if the same three things kept cropping up.

Also, persistent journaling could have negative effects as it makes you spend too much time over thinking things, making you a passive observer of your life rather than active participant. You can become a bit self-obsessed and it could be a place of blame rather than finding solutions, and you could wallow in self-pity.

I have recently started listening to a different podcast about elegance, grace and femininity. About the second episode in, the narrator actually described, in some detail, how she didn’t really get the point of journaling but started anyway to see what the fuss was all about. After a while she got the hang of it and via her podcast offered some actual practical guidance how to journal, in a way that works for her at least. She acknowledges that her style might not suit everyone, but this was the first real example that I’d seen that was actually any use.

She suggests that you write:

A love note – what you want to give gratitude for
Secret garden – those things that only you know about/think/feel
Idea garden – describe dreams, goals, things to strive for
“I am…” statement – I am strong / beautiful / bountiful etc
Top three things that you want to put your energy into that day
9-1-1 – if you still feel uninspired, identify what’s blocking your thoughts and feelings and speak kindly toward it

She expanded a little bit on the “I am” statements:

I am deeply grateful for – list three qualities you possess
I am proud of myself for – biggest accomplishment this year
I forgive myself for – a regret
I appreciate my ability to – insert superpower
I love my – best physical attribute
I am high fiving myself for making it through – insert biggest challenge
This time next year I will be thanking myself for – deep desire

This is the first time that I had actually seen an example of journaling, and it made much more sense then.

I have never kept a diary, except for the year that I turned 40. I wrote in a book everyday anything from the mundane what I had for dinner and the tedium of work to the excitement of fun events and different situations etc. But I also wrote some heartfelt stuff that I felt I couldn’t say out loud during a year where quite a lot off odd things happened. I did wonder whether to do it again as I was turning 50 but never got round to it. I started a blog instead, so I guess that counts, although I can’t write everything I think or feel.

I am not sure this is something I intend to do on a regular basis, but it would be interesting to try it using the structure set up above might be interesting.

Finding a kindred spirit

I was reading an article about Saira Khan, star of the 2005 series of The Apprentice and later Loose Women presenter, wellness fanatic and entrepreneur about how she felt that life was started at 50, breaking barriers and being her authentic self. Whilst there are obvious differences, like the fact she has a £2.3m house in Oxfordshire, she looks amazing and has an evolving business, the difference seems she seems content not to have to prove herself anymore.

We do both seem to have taken the opportunity of turning 50 to have a time of reflection and taking stock of where we are in life and what we want for ourselves, rather than for others. In her words “I can’t please everybody and I don’t want to please everybody”. She clearly has an advantage over me in that she can afford to do what she wants, work how and when she wants and can afford all the niceties money can buy. However its not money, prestige or fame she’s interested in, rather not doing things she’s no longer happy doing, and looking after herself mentally and physically.

It seems that she had to work hard to get it and due to her upbringing created a persona of being loud, opinionated and assertive. She felt that she had to be that way in order to break down religious, familial and workplace barriers. She is clearly a confident person and doesn’t suffer fools gladly. I can identify with some of the issues she faced and some of the ways she has responded and how others perceived her.

Obviously she was taking part in a photo shoot and interview so of course she was made to look glamorous, but it was her words that resonated most with me in expressing herself and what she wants personally. Like me, she wants others to see that there is another side to her. She’s not opinionated all the time. She’s not shouty all the time. She’s not assertive all the time.

Whilst I am fundamentally an introvert, there are groups of people who don’t see me that way. They see me as assertive, firm, judgemental and not afraid to say what I think. Mostly, that’s so far from reality. I don’t say half the things I think, or feel and sometimes that’s the right thing, but then I don’t say half the things I probably need to to the people who need to hear them. I struggle with decisions in certain circumstances. I need a level of validation and confirmation that I’m doing the right thing. I try to do what’s right for everyone else sometimes to the detriment of what’s right for me.

Turning 50 has given me that opportunity to re-evaluate what I want for me, where I want to be in the next 5-10 years’ time, how I want to be comfortable in my own skin. As I said before, I have considered things that I did in my younger days and let go for one reason or another, and reawakened what I had then that I want to return to now. It’s been quite liberating reinventing myself, although not everything I did 30 years ago I could get away with now.

What strengths feed your energy?

Image by productionpollockco from Pixabay

I joined up to a wellbeing group via work called Live Life Connected. It has a series of sessions on topics ranging from finding your full potential, mastering good habits, your mindset (fixed or growth) and the latest session to drop is about identifying your strengths and how to use them to boost your energy.

As part of this session we were invited to conduct a short test to help identify our character strengths. Then is spews out a report showing your top five character strengths, and then the lesser ones underneath.

My top strength came out as Love of Learning. I totally agree with this.

“Mastering new skills, topics, and bodies of knowledge, whether on one’s own or formally; related to the strength of curiosity but goes beyond it to describe the tendency to add systematically to what one knows.”

I do like to read, research and investigate things. I will read the 126 page document. I will go down that google rabbit hole to find out more.

In at number two was Honesty. What you see is what you get. I don’t always get it right, but I’m learning.

“Speaking the truth but more broadly presenting oneself in a genuine way and acting in a sincere way; being without pretence; taking responsibility for one’s feelings and actions.”

Number three was Fairness.

“Treating all people the same according to notions of fairness and justice; not letting feelings bias decisions about others; giving everyone a fair chance.”

It has been commented on before by colleagues that I am a firm but fair manager.

Fourth on the list was Judgment.

“Thinking things through and examining them from all sides; not jumping to conclusions; being able to change one’s mind in light of evidence; weighing all evidence fairly.”

I have said many times before, I do like to have all the information in front of me before I made a decision, where possible.

And completing my top five character strengths was Forgiveness.

“Forgiving those who have done wrong; accepting others’ shortcomings; giving people a second chance; not being vengeful.”

Hmmm, now this is a tricky one. I can forgive, but I rarely forget.

There were another fourteen characteristics, then at the other end of the scale the bottom five character strengths were:

Gratitude – “Being aware of and thankful for the good things that happen; taking time to express thanks.” Its not that I am unaware or unappreciative, more I don’t outwardly express gratitude.

Perseverance – “Finishing what one starts; persevering in a course of action in spite of obstacles; “getting it out the door”; taking pleasure in completing tasks.” I usually do, however sometimes I get side tracked by something new and shiny, or someone else starts taking over so I give up showing any interest in it.

Love – “Valuing close relations with others, in particular those in which sharing & caring are reciprocated; being close to people.” I do value those around me but I’m not into all that mushy stuff. I give as good as I get with relationships. If someone doesn’t want to put the effort into me, I’m not going to put the effort into them.

Zest – “Approaching life with excitement and energy; not doing things halfway or halfheartedly; living life as an adventure; feeling alive and activated..” I don’t very often get excited about much. That’s not to say that I haven’t done some exciting stuff like going skiing when I was 12, or husky sledging a few years ago, or every time I get to see my daughter. I just don’t go all stupid with it.

Spirituality – “Having coherent beliefs about the higher purpose and meaning of the universe; knowing where one fits within the larger scheme; having beliefs about the meaning of life that shape conduct and provide comfort.” Nope, not me. You make your own destiny and luck.

If you want to investigate your own character strengths take the short test at https://www.viacharacter.org/survey/account/register

Third sector well-being

Third sector organisations are voluntary and community organisations which includes charities, associations, self-help groups and community groups, social enterprises etc. They are neither public nor private and are independent from government. They usually play a role in history and culture and are value driven to improve public welfare, the environment or well-being. Any surpluses are reinvested in the pursuit of their aims. https://www.nao.org.uk/successful-commissioning/introduction/what-are-civil-society-organisations-and-their-benefits-for-commissioners/

#bellringing fits firmly into that sector. We are there for the benefit of the church and communities we ring in. The social and well-being advantages of #bellringing are clear, it can give people a sense of purpose, an opportunity to socialise with others, a new hobby and sparks offshoot new interests in history, architecture, even engineering. Getting out and about, meeting new people, developing new skills are all transferable to the workplace and great for young people to add to their higher education applications. Societies are often charities, or at least their bell restoration fund is a registered charity.

As far as well-being goes, #bellringing ticks all 5 areas:

Connecting with other people. Bellringing is a team activity. It requires connection with others and leads to other social activities like outings, pubs, and other non-ringing social activities;
Being physically active. You need to be able to climb spiral staircases (often), being able to raise arms above your head repeatedly. There is a gentle cardio rhythm to it. Its not all about brute strength.
Learning new skills. It can take about 15 hours to learn how to handle a bell on your own, that’s before you add other ringers into the mix, then there are more and more complex methods to learn, if you want to. There really is no limit.
Giving to others. This is a sense of community. Doing your bit for the church or for a community activity such as ringing for Armistice or a local event or celebration.
Paying attention to the present moment. This is essential. You need to concentrate on your bell handling, your method ringing and everything in between. You can’t afford to let your mind wander.

Perhaps we should lobby to get #bellringing offered on prescription for people who are lonely or feeling a bit low. We should be offering it out as adult education classes, young people’s after school activities or holiday activities. Some already do this but wouldn’t it be great if we could spread that net wider.

I’ve signed up to attend a webinar for third sector organisations on Better Community Engagement for Charities to see if there is anything we can learn.

Hmmm, thinking caps on.

Planning the week ahead

I have another week off work, to use up some annual leave. I’m writing reports, presentations, planning and attending #bellringing meetings, writing articles, and promoting #bellringing events. At some point there’s a bunch of household things that need doing, I would like to do some baking this week (I have chocolate orange hot cross buns, and chocolate easter cake to make), and I would like to spend some down time going for walks etc as the weather is supposed to be good this week. My to do list is quite lengthy.

C and I have just planned the week out based on what the weather forecast has in store. We have a lot of annual report deliveries to do and plan to splice that with some walks out along the coasts and picnics, so have made a plan based on what we need to deliver where and how many loads can we get rid of in as few journeys as possible.

We went to the wholesalers today, so there was a long shopping list of things to restock the freezer with. Along side that sat the list of reports that we could drop off en route. We dropped the Southern District ones off on our way.

Back home and it was unpacking the shopping and portioning it up into meal sized bags. Our freezer is well and truly stuffed now. We didn’t get home until nearly 3pm so lunch was a bit on the late side, meaning dinner will be even later today. For lunch I tried one of the pasties I made yesterday, they were quite tasty actually.

After lunch, a bit more promotional preparations ahead of tomorrow’s release, then I had a play on Ringing Room, now that I have Wheatley installed, I can ring on my own whilst it does the rest. I plugged in my e-bells and had a go at some plain hunt minor on each pair of bells. I finally got the hang of 3-4. Then I tried some plain bob minimus. After several goes I finally “saw” what I was doing with the 3,4 up dodge. Then I moved on to having a go at some plain hunt major. I found very quickly that I tuned into the rhythm and it sounded pretty good, even if I only did it from 1-2.

For some explicable reason I decided to get my weighted hula hooping out for the first time since 1st January. It took a few minutes to remember how to log exercise on my fitness watch. I did manage about 6 minutes on the first go. I could certainly tell my middle has gone soft.

Whilst C cooked dinner I did some preparations for a meeting that I have on Saturday so that I have everything I need to hand and can share my ideas with the rest of the group.

Only then did I sit down to read a book and watch tv, and fall asleep on the sofa. Until tomorrow’s adventure.

Staring at a screen too long

With meetings, #bellringing, family gatherings, talks, plus the usual social media, emails, work etc, I find that I’m currently spending roughly 12 hours a day staring at a screen. Small wonder my eyes are dried out at the end of the evening.

I work a 9.5hr day Monday to Friday and most evenings am either on a Zoom meeting, or a virtual #bellringing session. On my non-working day I have, one, sometimes two virtual #bellringing sessions and more often than not a meeting in the afternoon on Zoom as well. Then every other Sunday there’s the family Skype gathering.

Apparently, there’s a name for it now ‘digital eye strain’ or ‘computer vision syndrome’. However, help it at hand with some top tips on how to reduce eye strain from All About Vision:

Get an eye test and tell the optician how much time you spend on the computer or devices.
Reduce excessive bright light. Close blinds or curtains, use lower intensity light bulbs, and position the computer so that windows are at the side, not in front or behind.
Consider an anti-glare screen for your monitor and have a more muted coloured wall to reduce glare from reflective surfaces.
Upgrade your monitor with a flat-panel LED screen in anti-reflective surface.
Adjust the brightness, text size and contrast, colour temperature or your screen.
Blink. When staring at a screen, people blink less frequently — only about one-third as often as they normally do. Blinking moistens your eyes to prevent dryness and irritation.
Exercise your eyes by frequently looking away from the screen at a distant object and focus on it for at least 20 seconds.
Take frequent breaks to help reduce neck, shoulder and back pain. Get up and move around for 10 minutes every hour.
Modify your workstation. Check your posture and ensure that your chair is the right height with your feet comfortably on the floor. Make sure that your screen is 20-24 inches away from your eyes with the centre of the screen 10-15 degrees below your eye level.
Consider computer glasses. Customised glasses which photochromic lenses.

I am conscious that my eyes are tired at the end of the day, and that I do probably need to get up and move about a bit more.

Maybe I will also try a digital detox day as well. A day without any screen time at all. Hmmmm!

Natural Wellbeing

I’m reading an article in the most recent Psychologies Magazine about how regular time in nature contributes to wellbeing of mind, body and soul, and it suggests that even spending 5 or 10 minutes outdoors with nature can be beneficial in reducing anxiety and can make us feel happier.

I know that I don’t get to spend nearly enough time outside. I do try to go for a walk at lunchtime, but quite often, due to location, that around a housing estate or hospital grounds. We are fortunate that there are open fields behind the hospital and I get a move on I might just have time to go that way. I guess even in a housing estate, nature has its place in well-manicured (or even overgrown) gardens and hedgerow. You just need to look hard enough.

When we were kids we used to holiday most years in the wilds or North Wales. A beautiful spot with mountains to climb, trails to walk and forests to play in. In adult years, when we’ve been away, we’ve always had what we’ve called “long walk day”. A day put aside (hopefully with good weather) to go on a 5-10 mile trek. No distractions but the views around us. Taking in the sights and sounds of nature doing its thing.

Having to work most days means that going out for long walks or further afield is not easily achievable. However we are lucky that we have some nice park spaces quite nearby.

According to the 10 question quiz that always accompanies these articles the thing that I should find most benefit from time outdoors is grounding.

“If you crave calm or wish you feel more grounded and connect to what matters, upgrading the quality of the time you spend in nature ma provide the shift you need. It’s easy to spend time outdoors on autopilot, or use it as a way to being with others – but you’ll benefit most from spending at least some time in nature on your own, so you can tune into the stillness and connect with your inner calm. If your tendency is to live in your head, time in nature can be a much-needed way of paying attention to your physical self. Finding the ground beneath your feet may even be the first step to finding a new direction in life.

You’ll get the most benefit by focussing on the here and now as you walk. Don’t give yourself a hard time if you can’ leave your emotional baggage behind but, when you become aware that you’re caught up in thinking, direct your focus outwards by noticing the colours, textures, sounds, smells and sensations. We can all benefit from a daily grounding ritual but, for chronic over thinkers, it can be life-changing”

Like most people, I haven’t had a proper holiday for nearly a year and a half now (since summer 2019), so when we are able to, I will relish the chance to get out and have some time to wander around new places and spaces to take in the sensations.

A different frame of mind

I think I’ve probably mentioned this before, but how we choose to respond to outside stimuli, pressures and events is entirely within our own undertaking. We can choose to get wound up by things, or we can choose to let it go.

My first day back at work this week was horrid. By the end of the day I was absolutely sure that the conversation when I got home was going to be around how much longer I would have to put up with this. C was his usual stoic self and confirmed my worst fear that I would have to stick it out for a few more years yet. Damn. I felt exhausted after just 1 day back in the office. I felt dejected. I felt well and truly fed up. This has a physical impact as well. I was unmotivated to do anything else and I stuffed my face with crisps and chocolate. I felt physically sick at the prospect of having to go back the next day and deal with it all, all over again.

Fast forward a few days and I’m in a much better frame of mind. The plans I put in place on Monday have had a positive result and things are looking ok for the coming week. I’ve also made the conscious observation, out loud to others, about what I am currently employed to do versus what I get dragged back in to, through necessity, but that I shouldn’t really, and the impact that is having both on trying to deliver what it is I’m supposed to be doing, but also providing the right kind of support to those in the department. A fuller conversation as to how that plays out is happening later this week.

My point being, my mind-set had changed. I had chosen to not allow the frustrations at the beginning of the week to overshadow the rest of the week. I packed that day away and moved on. I’m not pretending it was an easy transition. I still woke up on the Tuesday really not wanting to go to work.

According to the Mayo Clinic (https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/stress-management/in-depth/positive-thinking/art-20043950), whether you are a pessimist or an optimist can have an effect on your longer term mental health, but also has physical manifestations too. Being more positive doesn’t mean that you gloss over the difficult things but that by approaching them in a more positive way can be more productive. Making the best out of a bad situation. Thinking positively can improve life span, reduce depression and distress, provide greater resistance to colds and better psychological and physical wellbeing, cardiovascular health and general better coping skills.

By focusing on positive thinking we can identify areas of life that may need changing, stopping to check on our thinking and finding ways to put a positive spin on it. By being open to allowing yourself to have a laugh during difficult times can help you feel less stressed. Following a healthy lifestyle is often cited, and probably the one I do least of. Surrounding yourself with positivity will rub off on you and practicing positive self-talk will help you realise that you have a lot to be thankful for.

I’m heading to the end of this week with a much more positive outlook that I had at the beginning.

That was the week (or 2) that was

The end of my 2 weeks annual leave has arrived. Monday morning sees the return to the office. Have I had a good holiday? Do I feel relaxed and rejuvenated?

Yes, I’ve had a good couple of weeks off, considering. I don’t particularly feel relaxed or rejuvenated thought. But I suspect that’s to do with the fact that we’re in lockdown and we can’t go anywhere or do anything or see anyone.

If we have been able to do things, I might have felt more energised. As it was, I spent most of the week not venturing far from home.

The first week I took the opportunity to undertake an online Mindfulness course. This was quite interesting and useful, but not something that I’ve suddenly found enlightenment from. It did give me some focus for a few days.

I had 7 virtual #bellringing sessions during the fortnight, some which I ran. I watched a funeral online. I attended 4 meetings and 1 virtual dinner. In between, I did some reading, played some games on my tablet and celebrated my 50^th birthday, lockdown stylee.

I did spend some time, quite purposefully, doing not a lot. C still did all the housework and cooking.

This sort of gave me an insight to what life might be like at a time when I could give up paid work completely. However, if that was the case, things would happen very differently. I would see a fair distribution of household labour. I would also probably do some form of exercise, whether down the gym or online stuff at home, or more walking at least. I would definitely do more baking and cooking. I do miss that a little bit.

I’ve had a good couple of weeks off and enjoyed not having to get up early and go to an office and get grief all day. I’m sure that feeling will be short lived when I open the office door.

50 Ways to Enjoy Turning Fifty

My sister bought me this book for my birthday last week. I thought I’d better take more than a cursory look at it. It claims to have 50 ways to make this the best year EVER. The book is set out in chapters based on making the most of turning 50, planning the best year EVER, implementing the plan, treating yourself well, having fun, looking back, looking within, expressing gratitude, putting things in order, eliminating what you don’t need, giving and looking forward.

Each chapter has key questions to help you analyse yourself and figure how to make the most of turning 50, thought experiences to delve a little deeper and activities to do. It does say that you can dip in and out of the book, fast forward to the bits that most interest you and so on but being a pedant, I started at the beginning.

Way #1 Accept your age.

Thought experiment 1 asks you to make a list of people you admire who are over fifty and who are living terrific lives and make a note of what you admire about how this person is living their life. OK, so first thing is to think of people over 50 who I admire.

I’m not going to list them all here because some of them might read this and either be embarrassed or disagree. I’ve written each of them in the book. Suffice to say that it includes C, my parents and siblings, a few former work colleagues, and some ringers I know. In some cases, I admire what they have achieved over adversity. In others I admire what they’re currently doing with their lives, and if I’m honest, I’m probably a bit jealous of. Some I admire because I wish I were more like them.

The key questions were what are some benefits of turning 50? and What are you looking forward to this year?

I guess benefits might include being that little bit wiser sometimes. Having more opportunities to reflect on what I want out of life and trying to achieve a better work/life balance. Nearer to retirement age (although still some considerable way to go). Looking forward to getting to see R again. This year has been an exception and we haven’t been able to spend time together, so as soon as we can we’ll do that. Can plan for the trip that we should have had for my 50^th birthday.

Thought experiment 2: what concerns do you have about turning fifty? What challenges are you experiencing or expecting? Which of those can’t you change? What constructive actions can you take regarding that item?

I’m not really bothered about turning 50. It’s just a number. I guess ill health, or my level of unfitness is probably going to be an issue at some point. I’m feeling less tolerant of other people, which I need to reign in a bit sometimes and there are other things that I’d rather be doing with my time but have to work instead. I can’t change that for a few more years yet unless something amazing comes up, like winning the lottery.