3 Questions that will change your life

There are defining moments in life that can change the course of your future. It could be someone asking you what you want to be, not just things like being a mother, a wife/partner, in this job or that role, but what do you really want to be, how you want to show up in the world. Back to current podcast fave Tonya Leigh who offers three questions to ask yourself.

Who do you want to be? This can be daunting to try to answer. Taking courage to decide who you want to be and letting go of every belief that says it’s not possible. It’s not easy. People will ask who you think you are, trying to be someone you’re not, but you are whoever you choose to be, if you have the courage, determination and grit to show up.

People will then start to see you showing up differently. Even when you’re still confused and overwhelmed by it all, ask yourself What do you want? You need to get really honest with yourself about what you really want, and it can be hard to get out of the “I don’t know” funk. But what if you did know? What would you have to admit to yourself? If you have the courage to admit your answer it can be the momentum for your life to move in the direction you choose. If you’re stuck in the “I don’t know” you don’t have to deal with the hard questions, you can stay exactly where you are, nice and comfortable. As soon as you realise you do know you can start to move on. Practice believing in yourself and your dreams, start positioning yourself in those areas you want to be in, and even blag it for a while, but do so confidently, as if you belong there.

When you start to style your mind to create what you want, you can still have limited beliefs, still feel the need to prove yourself, earn your worth. When you observe others doing things like playing chess in the park, lovers kissing, picnicking with the kids, having coffee or reading a book by a fountain, you can see how they embrace the simple pleasures of life. You don’t have to put those things off until “one day when”. What if the real secret to life is enjoying and savouring every day as if it were your last? What if there’s nothing to prove? How can you start making each day the most fabulous day ever? There are days when you are stressed and don’t do a great job, but you don’t have to be in a state of perpetual bliss, you’re only human.

If you ask yourself those three questions it will impact the quality of your life based on the quality of your answers. It can spark new questions that require your brain to come up with new answers. Admit to yourself who you want to be, what you want and how you can make today fabulous, then shape your thoughts and actions around your answers.

Who do I want to be? – someone who is taken seriously, someone who matters to somebody.

What do I want? – a home that I can be comfortable in, to be myself without apology, to be able to say how I feel and what I need without fear of judgement or ridicule.

How will I make today the most fabulous day? – by sucking it all in, by being grateful for all I have and the things that others do for me, by being present.

How would you answer those three questions?

Reimagining your vision board

I’ve not really been one for vision boards. At least not the physical sort that you cut out images from magazines or pin photos to of places you want to visit, the home you want to create, the relationships you want to have, career goals, health and happiness, what you want to learn etc. Mine is more of a vague idea or general direction in my head with a To Do List of how I’m going to get there.

According to https://blog.mindvalley.com/vision-board/ creating a vision board is a great way to be clear about your goals and dreams and to motivate yourself to bring them about. Some people even have vision board parties where everyone brings along their pictures and glue sticks and get creative over a bottle of wine. It is described as a way of putting the law of attraction into practice by creating a powerful visualisation tool that helps you narrow down your desires through making choices. The law of attraction magnetises and is supposed to attract you to the opportunities you need to turn your dreams into reality.

A vision board can be inspirational and aspirational but it doesn’t offer the knowledge of who to achieve it. To do that you need to take inspired action. Research things on your board to determine how to make them happen. The problem with vision boards is they are inanimate objects that have no power. The power comes from your desire to know which direction to go in. The main factor in creating your vision is to commit to falling in love with your life right now.

Back to my current podcast fave Tonya Leigh who suggested that what you focus on grows. When you look for what you love and when you fall in love with what’s happening right now, things get better.

A picture on a vision board can be a catalyst to set things in motion, but it needn’t be a vision board, it could be a picture, or a piece of art, or something around your home or office space that inspires you.

TL suggested that vision boards only worked when you show up and live out that vision. People talk about their dreams or take classes without ever doing the real work. They read financial pages but don’t crunch the numbers. They have a shelf of cook books with beautiful recipes that never get made. They read fashion blogs but never buy that new outfit. They attend conferences and retreats but never put what they learned into practice. Some people create beautiful vision boards but don’t show up for their vision and wonder why nothing has changed. They expected the vision board to do all the work for them instead of working on their vision.

TL suggested an alternative if you’re frustrated that your vision board isn’t working for you. Rather than spending hours creating a master collage, use that time to live out your vision. Put yourself out there and actually do it.

The call to action today is to stop pretending to live out your dreams and make a commitment to show up and live it.

3 ways to pay attention to daily details

Image by S. Hermann & F. Richter from Pixabay

Most people rush though the details of every day without giving them a second thought, leaving them feeling stress, overwhelmed and unfulfilled. When you pay attention to three areas every day makes everything work so much better, in relationships, work, heath, happiness, makes you a better person. So says, my current podcast fave Tonya Leigh.

TL suggested that most people who reach older age don’t focus on celebrating what they’ve wasted time on. There is work to do, commitments to honour and bills to pay, and most of our obsession is on things way outside of our intimate circle of daily life. Take care of the details of intimate life before engaging on wasteful activates.

Five year and long term plans have their place but they are off in the distance and we often forget the best things in life are happening right in front of us, right here, right now. Consider what’s really important in how our daily lives look and fell. Take care of daily life before chasing after some goal that doesn’t give you anything other than ticking something off a to-do list.

TL suggested bringing your attention back to the details of daily life and showing up for the fundamental areas of your life:

Home – This is where memories are created, where you wake up each morning and where you are held in times of need. It deserves some TLC even if it’s not your ideal home at the present time. Make it meaningful and luxurious. After all, at the end of a bad day at the office, a broken heart or when you are sick, this is the place that holds you. Treat it with respect. If it’s messy it’s a fair indication that your mind is probably chaotic. If it’s tidy, your mind is probably at peace. Make it a place to love and enjoy.
What you eat – Take time to pause and eat good, nutritious food. Make time to find good, fresh food and cook it. This will support your body and how you show up in the world.
What you wear – How often do you just grab for the first thing in the wardrobe. Choose your clothes for the day ahead intentionally. Style is your self-expression, telling the world who you are without saying a word. What does your wardrobe say about you? Express yourself with intention and daily respect.

Paying attention to the daily details leads to a life well lived. Taking care of these three areas are more likely to attract the bigger things in life. They impact the quality of your life. This is an ongoing process though, so don’t beat yourself up if you are not achieving this all the time. It’s not about perfections, but awareness.

For me, the biggest issue I currently have is home. As I’ve mentioned before it’s full of stuff. Every surface has papers, books, files, magazines and much more on. If I ask C where something is, he can tell me immediately, but our home is cluttered and messy (not dirty though). I have to navigate round piles of things on the floor, most of which is his or #bellringing stuff waiting to be sorted. There is very little surface space, or indeed floor space, even in our bedroom. It’s almost too much to tackle and because most of it isn’t mine, I can’t sort through it. I do try from time to time to go through my own stuff, and I’m usually quite ruthless about throwing things out.

Eating is getting better for me now as I’m actually eating more fruit. I have at least three portions most days. I have even chosen a lighter, healthier meal when we were last out at a restaurant. I am much more confident about eating what it good for me, and we have always cooked from fresh.

I recently gave my wardrobe a makeover, and have a quarterly delivery from Lookerio where I get sent five items to choose from that a stylist has picked out for me. I have also spent rather a lot recently on new clothes. I’ve been bagging up some of my old stuff I no longer wish to wear ready to pass on. There’s not much wrong with the items I’m bagging up, they just don’t reflect my current outlook on life.

Which of these areas is begging for your attention?

How do you impress yourself every day?

When you respect yourself you show up differently. You are more likely to take actions that align with who you want to be and your goals. My current fave podcast narrator, Tonya Leigh suggested the following ways to work on impressing yourself every day:

Dress in a way that makes you feel beautiful in the body you are blessed with today, not the one you had in your teens, or the work you are working on and promise yourself you will have this time next year;
Work on a project that you have been talking about for a while. Take small steps and actions towards achieving your dreams;
Eat nourishing foods until you are elegantly satisfied. Take one less bite, or make a different choice towards healthier options. Doing this daily adds up over time;
Make your bed every morning. A freshly made bed shows an elegant woman who completes things and it’s so much nicer to get into a well-made bed at night time;
Move your body. Even just before bed do some stretches, lunges or a few sit ups. Don’t go to bed disappointed in yourself for not exercising;
Take deep breaths before you say that thing or take that action. Be aware of your triggers and make a deliberate choice how to react.

An article by Trent Hamm on https://www.thesimpledollar.com/financial-wellness/moving-from-impressing-others-to-impressing-yourself/ suggests shifting your mindset from trying to impress others and consider how you would spend a day where you do nothing to impress others in any way, but do things solely that would make you genuinely proud and happy with the way the day went when you go to bed.

It could be doing something challenging, both in terms of physical but mental stimulation, like reading something that taxes your mind, spending some undistracted quality time with family/friends just because their presence brings value to your life, activities that will benefit your life in the long run more than in the short term.

Hamm suggested that living a life that you are proud of living each and every night will impress others if you genuinely impress yourself because of your behaviours; it would impress others by reflection. Devoting time and energy to effective ways of impressing yourself and building a genuinely better life, doesn’t need to cost a fortune, just the time and energy to turn your thoughts aware from what other people think of you. If you centre around becoming the person you want to be rather than trying to be a person you think others would be impressed by, you won’t have to work to impress others any more, they will be impressed by the person you have become.

What can you do to impress yourself today?