The 6 Domains of Resilience

The #MSEBUDDYNETWORK I’m part of at work is a great resource for being able to support colleagues who just feel that they need someone to listen to them, for somewhere safe to spout off, or to just reflect and recoup.

There have been some great resources shared throughout the programme and another such example was shared yesterday. Available via the NHS Leadership Academy (through whom I did my Elizabeth Garrett Anderson Senior Healthcare Leadership MSc) are some bite size learning snippets around health and wellbeing conversations specially focusing on resilience.

The resource was developed by Sonya Wallbank, a clinical psychologist and organisational development lead. It is broken down into 6 dimensions covering Vision, Reasoning, Adaptability, Responses, Health and Relationships. Each dimension then goes on to explain its impact and offers suggestions to think about how we could focus our energies into improving them.

The resource is there to support facilitators of conversations and can be applied to your own experiences as well as used as a template to help others. My personal opinion is that we should not expect to help others where we cannot help ourselves first, so for me to support anyone else, I need to understand my own experience.

VISION: This is about setting personal goals and values and understanding why we do what we do and helping shift our anxieties and concerns into hope and curiosity. The questions posed are about asking yourself what you believe is your purpose in life, whether you are engaged in activities that bring out the best in you and inspire you, and what are your goals and how could you get nearer to them.

REASONING: This is our ability to problem solve, be resourceful and anticipate and plan for things and our reactions to set backs. The ask is to reflect on how you react to change in plans, what you need to be able to cope better with change or difficult circumstances, and how you could plan for a range of different potential scenaios.

ADAPTABILITY: Considering our ability to bounce back, be realistically optimistic and flexible about expectations and acceptance of change. You might need to consider how you adapt to last minute changes of plans, how to say “no” or “I could do that if…” instead of saying “yes“, and what could you achieve if you had a bit of extra help.

RESPONSES: How do we react emotionally, psychologically and biologically, to what’s going on around us. What are the things that you are worried about that you could do something about, what are the things that are outside of your control, do you need extra help to get you through this response?

HEALTH: How we feel plays a major part, how are we physically, financially and environmentally. Are there simple changes to lifestyle that could help, do you need help with controlling finances, are you OK in your work or home space?

RELATIONSHIPS: Our culture, team and other relationships all contribute to our resilience. Is there anything that leaders or colleagues could do to help make you feel safer in sharing ideas or opinions, where can you get support outside of your team, what networks and communities do you connect with and what will enable you to thrive.

Another great resource that enables us to help others. But as I said, in order to help others I need to be able to understand my own responses, so I’ll have a sit down and think.

Sunday rituals

Rituals are good for giving us the power to keep us grounded, stabilised and focused. They can provide a sense of confidence and security and can help alleviate grief and stress and can increase happiness. Doing things on a regular basis gives us a sense of familiarity in a world when there is so much going on around us.

Sundays in this house is very ritualistic. Fortunately for the two of us we can still go #bellringing on our own, so up and out first thing. When we get back home we split the chores. Something we agreed from the start is that I would either cook Sunday lunch or do the ironing but not both. He picked cooking so I get landed with the ironing.

Ironing is not my favourite pastime so I need some distraction in order to get through it. Generally this comes in the form of a vat of coffee, using a huge mug I’ve had for years. Because I don’t have breakfasts on Sundays by the time we get home from ringing I’m hungry, so have a snack of some sort with my coffee.

Then I’ll put a film or Netflix series on so that I can watch that whilst I’m ironing but it can’t be anything that requires too much concentration otherwise I’d burn his shirts. He’s busy cooking a Sunday roast by this point.

Then, after lunch I prepare my breakfasts and lunches for the working week ahead. This week I’ve made Biscoff pancakes for breakfasts 😋 and I’ll have ham rolls for lunch.

Every other week we have a family Skype and catch up with everyone, and sometimes I have either a meeting or virtual #bellringing session in the early evening.

Then its time to settle down. Often we’ll have cheese and crackers for supper, sometimes accompanied by a glass of Baileys. There’s usually a dodgy old film or TV show on that we’ll settle in to before wrapping myself in my sofa blanket and having a nap.

The simple pleasures in life and the familiarity of ritual allows me to rest and recover ready for the week ahead. Once I’m under my sofa blanket, do not disturb!

Getting back to it

We have almost got to the end of all the Christmas food and hampers that we were sent. Friday is weigh in day for me so when I got on the scales for the first time of 2021 I knew that I wasn’t going to like what they told me.

My problem is that I don’t like fruit, of any kind, and I’m not a massive fan of very many types of veg or salad. And who wants salad in winter anyway, right? And I have a sweet tooth. So how on earth am I going to diet? Oh, and I have a desk job and am fundamentally lazy so any kind of exertion is unlikely.

We do kind of follow Slimming World as far as evening meals go, and I do try with breakfasts and lunches too but I’m not very good at counting syns and limiting treats. Quite frankly life, particularly at the moment, is too short.

I’m sure I’ve said it before about understanding the benefits of a healthier lifestyle but why is it easier to get into a habit of bacon rolls for breakfast on a Saturday than it is to eat salad and exercise?

One good reason for not exercising is that I just don’t enjoy it. I certainly don’t like the prospect of group exercise or jumpy about videos. I’ve tried do it yourself yoga and home workouts but they just don’t make me feel any better.

When I was in my early 20s I had a Jane Fonda workout video that I used to do at about 5am before getting on a train to work. I did actually enjoy that and felt energised (ok, I was 30 years younger and 5 stone lighter then which probably helped). Sadly I lent that video to someone and never got it back. I’ve tried looking online to see if it could be reproduced but couldn’t find the right one.

I do try to get out for a walk every day, but now I’m only clocking up an average of 5,000 steps per day. I don’t have to walk to the car anymore or around the site, which all helped clock up some mileage, but my commute only goes from the lounge to the study.

I did start hula hooping during the summer which was fine when I could do it outside but when the weather turned and it started getting darker, it was less tempting and we don’t really have enough space indoors.

I guess like a lot of things its all about determination. If I’m going to do something about my weight and health I really must make more time and effort.

Start as you mean to go on

New Years Day morning. A new year ahead that hasn’t been written yet. C made a cooked brunch. I could get used to that 😋.

This year will mark a significant birthday for me. The day this blog is uploaded will mark 50 days until I turn 50. I don’t have any issues with turning 50, it is but a number after all.

The 12 months before I turned 40 I kept a daily diary. I did think of doing something similar for the year that I turned 50 but somehow never got round to it. I guess you could say that I’ve used this blog as a sort of diary, although there’s lots that I haven’t written in a blog that I would have written in a diary.

Starting a new year and a new decade of life gives me the opportunity to start afresh and start as I mean to go on. I could get used to C cooking me breakfast every day but thats not practical or too good for my health. I could take this opportunity to establish some new habits. Start or do more of the things that I ought to do better and drop things that I should not, do less of or that self sabotage.

I read somewhere on line recently that it can take from 18 to 254 days to form a new habit and an average of 66 days for a new behavior to become automatic. Now, I’m not one for New Years resolutions, but I have 50 days to do 50 things that will have a positive habit forming effect on my life to take me into my 50s.

Where to start? Drop me some suggestions 👇

New Year, new you

My various social media feeds are already abuzz with suggestions about how to start the new year with a new outlook, or a new plan or a new … (insert anything of newness here). Magazines are already cramming the newsagent shelves with top tips on making 2021 the “best year yet“.

An article I’m currently reading offers 4 such tips.

1. Have a vision of where you want to be. Dream big and realign your mindset to think bigger and be more ambitious.

2. Learn something new. Overcome the fear of new knowledge by reading or watching YouTube videos, or do an online course.

3. Prioritise wellbeing to help focus on success. Stress associated with moving forward should be met with taking time to step back and relax.

4. Strengthen your resolve. Put in the time and effort to gain success. Keep going when things get tough. Implement good habits that support your goals.

Well, that’s all fine and dandy but I find it mildly contradictive. You’ve got to steam ahead with goals and learn new stuff and keep going when things get tough, but chill out and relax. If I’m chilling out and relaxing, how exactly am I embracing my ambition, expanding my knowledge and being more resilient? Unless my goal is to chill out, learn how to chill out properly and I resolve to chill out better. Maybe that’s the answer.

Whatever your vision is, whether you want to learn something new, however strong your resolve is and however good you are with your personal wellbeing, I wish you a happy, healthy and safe New Year.

Boxing Day Brunch and embracing the Hygge

So having spoken about overindulgence of Christmas day, Boxing Day seemed much more civilised.

We had luxuriated in an epic sleep in. Having gone to bed around midnight. C had turned the alarms off, so it was lovely to wake up naturally instead of being ripped awake by a shrieking radio. Nearly 9 hours of sleep clocked up.

We had nowhere to go and nothing in particular to do, so took our time getting up, showered and dressed. C started cooking and at about 10:30 delivered a small cooked breakfast of bacon, beans, egg and toast. Just what the doctor ordered.

After a lazy morning we decided we’d go for a walk through the city centre parks. We wouldn’t be needing lunch as we were still going on brunch and yesterday’s dinner.

A 5.5m walk through the parks seemed to be precisely what half of the inhabitants of town were also doing. It was actually quite pleasant. Just the right amount of autumnal weather. Coolish but not too cold, a gentle breeze but not windy. Wrapped up against it all, and with a steady pace, we were kept warm.

I must admit at about two thirds of the way round I was starting to think my hips were aching a bit and the prospect of the road home, including the incline over the railway bridge really wasn’t helping. The thing that kept me going was getting back home for a cup of mint tea and the last mince pie.

Our walk had taken about 2 hours. I was actually worn out. I had started to think about Hygge, pronounced hooga, the Danish sense of cosiness and comfortable conviviality that gives a sense of contentment and well being. I was looking forward to snuggling under my sofa blanket, tea and mince pie in hand. Very cozy, very comfortable and very content.

Sunday slump

Sunday mornings are usually fairly active. We rarely get a lay in because we need to get to the Cathedral for #bellringing. Once we’re home again, it’s the fun that is the ironing to get done. This Sunday, we followed the usual routine and I even threw in some cake decoration as well. Then its time for lunch.

After lunch comes the slump. That time in the afternoon when you know you have a million things to get done, but just want to sit and slump. I have to be careful not to totally give into it though as I have a meeting this evening that I’m chairing so need to be awake.

I am however giving into watching some movies. This afternoon’s choice is The Theory of Everything. The biopic of Prof Stephen Hawking. I’ve seen it before but it is incredibly moving. Eddie Redmayne is absolutely incredible and I’m glad that he got to meet the great man and form a friendship, and won an Oscar for his performance.

I’m feeling very self-indulgent in watching a great film, with a cup of mint tea and scoffing some chocolates. Not quite joined the ranks of sitting on the sofa in my Pj’s, but enjoying my slump nevertheless.

Yule be amazed at what I just made

Well, probably not. This weeks bake was a caramel yule log courtesy of BakedIn. This is the 2nd recipe I’ve made of theirs which requires the making of caramel. The trouble is, for some reason its something I’ve never been able to get right. The sugar and water never seems to go a brownish colour, then when I add the cream its just a slightly dirty looking yellow colour. If I wait for it to darken, it then sets rock hard. I can never getting at a pouring consistency. However, I have sprinkled said rock hard caramel instead of drizzled it. It’ll add some texture!

We’ve got proper christmassy today. Been into town for some last minute gifts and wrapped them up. Made said yule log. Then went for a wintery, night walk around our local RHS Hyde Hall to look at the Glow lights. It promised to bring the gardens to life after dark with festive food and drink and Christmas shopping. It didn’t disappoint.

The trees and shrubs were lit up in different colours, there was festive food and drink (although we didn’t partake) and everything was well set out and managed. And of course the obligatory stop in the shop.

Have had a thoroughly lovely day.

Bonus day off

After our weekend away I’d booked an additional day off in order to catch up with all those things that weren’t done over the weekend.

The day started with a lie in. C had turned the alarm clock off, so it was lovely just to wake up naturally and get up when I was ready to, not because I had to.

I had decided that I would go into town to finish buying the incidentals for Christmas presents. There were a few bits still to get and I needed to do it on my own, without C.

The city centre was heaving, almost as busy as a Saturday. There were people everywhere. Some shops had a queuing system, only allowing a certain number of people in. To be honest, it didn’t take long to get to the front of any of the queues and into the shops. It was all quite civilised. I managed to get everything I’d gone in for, and a few extra bits besides.

When I got home, I wrapped everything up. Everything that needs to be posted is now ready to go. I think I’m officially done with the Christmas shopping. And there’s still 3 weeks to go.

I prepped my lunches for work for the next few days. Then tackled the ironing. I watched some cheesy Christmas tv whilst doing the ironing. I need to have something to take my mind off doing the ironing but something that doesn’t require much concentration, otherwise I’ll end up burning the shirts! Then, a lovely cup of mint tea with a mince pie to complete the festiveness.

I actually feel more christmassy than I usually do and considering we’re not going to be able to spend time with the whole family. Who’d have thought.

A different way of preparing for Christmas

We are enjoying a long overdue weekend away, staying in a hotel for a couple of nights. We chose to book breakfast and evening meals at the hotel as we were unsure what was around and if you had to book.

Our first meal was Friday evening. I chose the ham hock bruschetta for starter, chicken with chicken leg croquette and veg for main, followed by toffee cheesecake with homemade ice cream and popcorn for dessert. With accompanying glasses of prosecco and a Baileys to finish. Absolutely delicious.

After dinner there was not much to do, and current covid rules says that you’re not allowed to hang around in the bar if you’re not eating, so we went back up to our room and watched TV, until the feeling of a good meal, alcohol and a warm room lead to sleep.

Only a few hours later and it was time for breakfast. Due to a pared down menu the options were cereal, porridge, croissant and other pastries or a full English, bacon sandwich or toast. I ticked the full English but then C ticked the toast and pain au chocolate options as well. A massive array of breakfast arrived with tea and coffee. Took some doing but we got through it all.

Needless to say, we didn’t need lunch. We did have a cream tea at a National Trust property early in the afternoon, but that was enough.

Dinner time again. This time I opted for the ham hock starter again (didn’t much fancy any of the other options) followed by bbq beef short rib with sweet potato fries and slaw, then chocolate orange torte for pud. One glass of prosecco and a bottle of wine between us.

This time I felt that we needed to go for a walk after dinner. I felt like I was going to explode! When we got back to our room, we were thinking of what to do for Sunday lunch on our way home and managed to book a table at Prezzo for 12.30. Quite early for us for Sunday lunch. I’m thinking I should have a smaller breakfast to leave some room. I’m also thinking I do like a cooked breakfast, and I’m on holiday, so sod it.

I have stretchy jeans on, so they’ll expand. I’m preparing my tummy for the onslaught of Christmas food. I’m also mindful that eating too much is not good, so it’ll be back to slimming world soup for lunch next week.