A different frame of mind

I think I’ve probably mentioned this before, but how we choose to respond to outside stimuli, pressures and events is entirely within our own undertaking. We can choose to get wound up by things, or we can choose to let it go.

My first day back at work this week was horrid. By the end of the day I was absolutely sure that the conversation when I got home was going to be around how much longer I would have to put up with this. C was his usual stoic self and confirmed my worst fear that I would have to stick it out for a few more years yet. Damn. I felt exhausted after just 1 day back in the office. I felt dejected. I felt well and truly fed up. This has a physical impact as well. I was unmotivated to do anything else and I stuffed my face with crisps and chocolate. I felt physically sick at the prospect of having to go back the next day and deal with it all, all over again.

Fast forward a few days and I’m in a much better frame of mind. The plans I put in place on Monday have had a positive result and things are looking ok for the coming week. I’ve also made the conscious observation, out loud to others, about what I am currently employed to do versus what I get dragged back in to, through necessity, but that I shouldn’t really, and the impact that is having both on trying to deliver what it is I’m supposed to be doing, but also providing the right kind of support to those in the department. A fuller conversation as to how that plays out is happening later this week.

My point being, my mind-set had changed. I had chosen to not allow the frustrations at the beginning of the week to overshadow the rest of the week. I packed that day away and moved on. I’m not pretending it was an easy transition. I still woke up on the Tuesday really not wanting to go to work.

According to the Mayo Clinic (https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/stress-management/in-depth/positive-thinking/art-20043950), whether you are a pessimist or an optimist can have an effect on your longer term mental health, but also has physical manifestations too. Being more positive doesn’t mean that you gloss over the difficult things but that by approaching them in a more positive way can be more productive. Making the best out of a bad situation. Thinking positively can improve life span, reduce depression and distress, provide greater resistance to colds and better psychological and physical wellbeing, cardiovascular health and general better coping skills.

By focusing on positive thinking we can identify areas of life that may need changing, stopping to check on our thinking and finding ways to put a positive spin on it. By being open to allowing yourself to have a laugh during difficult times can help you feel less stressed. Following a healthy lifestyle is often cited, and probably the one I do least of. Surrounding yourself with positivity will rub off on you and practicing positive self-talk will help you realise that you have a lot to be thankful for.

I’m heading to the end of this week with a much more positive outlook that I had at the beginning.

That was the week (or 2) that was

The end of my 2 weeks annual leave has arrived. Monday morning sees the return to the office. Have I had a good holiday? Do I feel relaxed and rejuvenated?

Yes, I’ve had a good couple of weeks off, considering. I don’t particularly feel relaxed or rejuvenated thought. But I suspect that’s to do with the fact that we’re in lockdown and we can’t go anywhere or do anything or see anyone.

If we have been able to do things, I might have felt more energised. As it was, I spent most of the week not venturing far from home.

The first week I took the opportunity to undertake an online Mindfulness course. This was quite interesting and useful, but not something that I’ve suddenly found enlightenment from. It did give me some focus for a few days.

I had 7 virtual #bellringing sessions during the fortnight, some which I ran. I watched a funeral online. I attended 4 meetings and 1 virtual dinner. In between, I did some reading, played some games on my tablet and celebrated my 50^th birthday, lockdown stylee.

I did spend some time, quite purposefully, doing not a lot. C still did all the housework and cooking.

This sort of gave me an insight to what life might be like at a time when I could give up paid work completely. However, if that was the case, things would happen very differently. I would see a fair distribution of household labour. I would also probably do some form of exercise, whether down the gym or online stuff at home, or more walking at least. I would definitely do more baking and cooking. I do miss that a little bit.

I’ve had a good couple of weeks off and enjoyed not having to get up early and go to an office and get grief all day. I’m sure that feeling will be short lived when I open the office door.

Oh, innit mild!

The age-old cry when its unseasonably warm.

Who’d have thought that by mid-February we’d be seeing temperatures in the mid-teens and we could go out without a coat on? Well, that’s exactly what happened today.

We decided to go out for a walk as it seemed to be nice and sunny. I had a jumper on and put on what I call my Spring/Autumn jacket i.e. one that isn’t too thick. We decided to rerun a route that we’d done in the first lockdown when our daughter R was staying with us. We’d gone up the main roads and across the fields. Last time we had to rescue a baby fox that was out in the blazing sun on its own, mewing and looking feeble. No such fun today.

However, there were sheep and the twittering of Great Tits and other birdages. Snowdrops and crocuses were out in abundance too. By about half way round the route, I was very warm indeed, and would have taken my jacket off, but for the fact that I’d have to carry it anyway so may as well carry it on my back.

We did have a bit of a sticky patch as we were walking parallel to the railway lines. It seems a small brook had over flowed and the pathway was a bit of a quagmire. We had to cling on to the trees to heave ourselves across as the path was so mucky we’d have lost our boots.

By the time we made it to the bridge over the railway, I was really warm. There was a nice breeze as you got to the top of the steps so I allowed myself a bit of cool air to circulate, before we continued.

The round trip was about 4.6 miles and took us just under 2 hours. We weren’t rushing, we were enjoying the walk and the sunshine.

Given that its still technically winter, it was a beautiful day. I’m glad I was on annual leave and able to make the most of it.

50 Ways to Enjoy Turning Fifty

My sister bought me this book for my birthday last week. I thought I’d better take more than a cursory look at it. It claims to have 50 ways to make this the best year EVER. The book is set out in chapters based on making the most of turning 50, planning the best year EVER, implementing the plan, treating yourself well, having fun, looking back, looking within, expressing gratitude, putting things in order, eliminating what you don’t need, giving and looking forward.

Each chapter has key questions to help you analyse yourself and figure how to make the most of turning 50, thought experiences to delve a little deeper and activities to do. It does say that you can dip in and out of the book, fast forward to the bits that most interest you and so on but being a pedant, I started at the beginning.

Way #1 Accept your age.

Thought experiment 1 asks you to make a list of people you admire who are over fifty and who are living terrific lives and make a note of what you admire about how this person is living their life. OK, so first thing is to think of people over 50 who I admire.

I’m not going to list them all here because some of them might read this and either be embarrassed or disagree. I’ve written each of them in the book. Suffice to say that it includes C, my parents and siblings, a few former work colleagues, and some ringers I know. In some cases, I admire what they have achieved over adversity. In others I admire what they’re currently doing with their lives, and if I’m honest, I’m probably a bit jealous of. Some I admire because I wish I were more like them.

The key questions were what are some benefits of turning 50? and What are you looking forward to this year?

I guess benefits might include being that little bit wiser sometimes. Having more opportunities to reflect on what I want out of life and trying to achieve a better work/life balance. Nearer to retirement age (although still some considerable way to go). Looking forward to getting to see R again. This year has been an exception and we haven’t been able to spend time together, so as soon as we can we’ll do that. Can plan for the trip that we should have had for my 50^th birthday.

Thought experiment 2: what concerns do you have about turning fifty? What challenges are you experiencing or expecting? Which of those can’t you change? What constructive actions can you take regarding that item?

I’m not really bothered about turning 50. It’s just a number. I guess ill health, or my level of unfitness is probably going to be an issue at some point. I’m feeling less tolerant of other people, which I need to reign in a bit sometimes and there are other things that I’d rather be doing with my time but have to work instead. I can’t change that for a few more years yet unless something amazing comes up, like winning the lottery.

A million thank yous

So I’m now 50. The Big five oh. So far so good.

Our original thoughts were to have been having a nice holiday, Italy, Venice were mentioned but of course we couldn’t do that. However my epically wonderful hublet and most favouritest other person daughter R made it really special, as did everyone else who contributed cards, messages and gifts.

I have enough flowers to open my own floristry shop. Fortunately the last lot to be delivered came in their own vase, we’d run out by then.

Then there were chocolates, wine, prosecco,. Even biscuits from my favourite little mate who calls me “biscuit”. Book tokens, West End theatre evoucher, chocolate tasting experience, gift voucher for a cake class with my favourite cake teacher.

Beautiful earrings, necklaces, candles, books on things to do now I’m 50, and a mahoosive lunch/ afternoon tea that was too much food for one sitting. One necklace rom R was of all our birthstones, aquamarine (February), amethyst (March) and Ruby (July).

Balloons that were sneakily made up in the garage, and a chocolate cake to die for delivered having been approved of by R.

Lots of messages, lots of cards and a video chat with my big bruv in the morning and a lovely video chat with R later on in the day.

I feel thoroughly spoilt and am extremely grateful for everyone’s participation.

We’ll go travelling next year when there’s even more to celebrate, our 25th wedding anniversary and R’s 25th birthday.

Might need to take about 3 months off work for that. 😄

Every day’s a school day

It seems like it at the moment anyway. Between doing my online mindfulness course, which has really challenged some thoughts and feelings, and learning methods for virtual #bellringing in Ringing Room sessions, of which I had 4 this week.

The first #bellringing session was a district practice which I didn’t need to learn anything new for but the session that I run on Thursdays we’re consolidating methods that we’ve been learning for February. Some of those methods are repeated at a Friday morning session but sometimes something different. Then every other Friday there’s another session that changes methods every time. This week I needed to learn Newcastle and Alnwick Surprise Minor. And in 2 weeks’ time, we’re aiming for London and Wells Surprise Minor, and I set new methods for our Thursday session at the beginning of the month.

Some of these methods I’ve never even looked at, always thinking they are beyond my capability but with the advent of Ringing Room, have been able to ring things that I wouldn’t normally get to ring in any of the towers that I would normally frequent.

Learning to ring takes time, even just the basics of handling a bell on your own, then you need to join in with others and make a meaningful sound. Then you can move on to the more complicated stuff, but that tends to depend on others a bit more, as you can only ring to the standard of the most novice ringer in the band. However, learning skills that require longer term commitment can be rewarding and stimulating for the brain.

A quick internet search shows that there are a multitude of sites that promote learning something new, from new skills, to new languages, to cooking and baking, knitting and creating videos. I’ve always found learning something new to be rewarding. It doesn’t necessarily make me an expert in it but it gives me better understanding, better skills, better adjustment and a wider range of things to do.

Having just completed the 6 week mindfulness course, I’m now looking around the site to find the next thing to dive into.

Sitting with adversity

I’ve just completed a free, online 6 week course in Demystifying Mindfulness course via Future Learn (www.furturelearn.com). The course covered the “science of mindfulness, how it works and why from a political, psychological and philosophical perspective”. Throughout the course were a series of Mindfulness Labs, opportunities to practice a meditation technique. Something not so long ago I would have said was nonsense. One of the ones that resonated with me most was the one on Sitting with Adversity.

Usually throughout a meditation the participant is encouraged to let go of thoughts and feelings and concentrate on breath or sounds. In this particular one though we were actively encouraged to invite a difficult situation, thought or feeling and to acknowledge its existence, to sit alongside it, before considering “each in breath a new beginning and each out breath a letting go”.

So many situations to choose from. I may well have to come back to this meditation several times to get through them all. However, at the end of the 15 minutes or so, I felt much calmer about the situation I had been thinking about. I chose to lessen its hold over me and consider what was within my personal means of being able to do about it. In the end, I chose to let it be what it will be.

Even coming to terms with that simple statement of letting something be what it will be and making a conscious decision to not let it affect me in the way it had been, was enough to lighten to load.

I have done several short courses via Future Learn and would thoroughly recommend it as a way of broadening horizons and dipping into something before deciding whether or not its something you want to pursue further.

The holy trinity

Its by no coincidence that my blog site is called Bells, Bakes & Bettering Myself. Today I got to do all three. The holy trinity. The hatrick. Whatever you want to call it.

This morning was spent with friends and family in Ringing Room, the virtual #bellringing platform. A group of us from Essex, North Lincolnshire, Derbyshire and Nottinghamshire were able to ring together, have a good natter and make some progress in our learning. Bells part 1. Tick.

Early afternoon was taken up by decorating a cake for me and hublet for valentines day. Now, I need to fess up and admit that I didn’t actually make the cake, I only decorated it. A fantastic website called Sweet Success Cakes https://cccbr.org.uk/2021/02/10/the-survival-and-recovery-toolbox-issue-3/ can ship you ready make cakes in any size and different shapes and flavours you like. I’d already decided that I’m going to make myself a cake for my birthday next week and was looking at the site for some inspiration. They were offering 4 x 4 inch cakes, chocolate, red velvet, lemon and plain for £10. No brainer. Therefore, I decided that I would use one for valentines day, 2 for my birthday and have an extra tall cake and the other one for his birthday. I’ll have a rethink when it comes to our anniversary. All of these dates happen within a month of each other. The cakes can be frozen and defrosted when you need them so that’s handy. Cake done, although I suppose not technically baking but… Bakes. Tick.

Then came a meeting with some members of the Central Council and The Big Ideas Company, an organisation we’ve worked with before on major #bellringing projects. We were kicking around some new ideas for regenerating ringing when we can return post Covid. Bells part 2. Tick.

Then there was a little slot available until dinnertime to do a bit of research. I’m currently doing a free online course about mindfulness and wellbeing. See yesterday’s blog for how that went. The course does require you to do some independent learning so I was having a look about for scholarly articles on the science of mindfulness. Turns out there’s quite a few. I’ve pulled off a few that I think might be interesting. Bettering Myself. Tick.

Bells, Bakes and Bettering Myself. Does what it says on the tin.

Body Scanning

I have always found it hard to meditate. To find the time for starters. I have a full time job and a full time hobby as well as a family. Finding time to sit and do nothing just doesn’t feature. When I have tried body scanning or meditation before I’ve always been skeptical and probably not allowed myself the chance to fully embrace it and practice it thoroughly. I’ve always thought it’s a bit “woo woo”!

I indulged myself today with a full, guided body scan activity that was actually quite lengthy. I found myself wandering off at times, my inner voice telling me that I have many other things I should be doing right now, what was I doing just sitting here, seemingly doing nothing. As I went through the practice though, I got better at shutting that inner voice out and really tuning in to what my body was telling me.

As I moved on from each area of the body, I felt that area go cold. I had a constant tenseness in my thighs and shoulders. I’ve had quite bad back problems before and as soon as I started to focus on the pelvic area I felt sharp pains in my coccyx. As I moved to the lower back, I felt the muscle memory tense and try to go into spasm. I had to consciously try to shut these feelings out. They weren’t real. My body was just reacting in the way it has been used to for many years.

After about 10-15 minutes or so I felt my eyes start to get heavy and could have quite easily nodded off, so had to keep bringing myself back from the abyss. When I moved on to the back, chest and shoulders, I felt that I had to physically expand my chest by moving my arms behind me so that it opened out my shoulders and allowed more breath to fill my lungs. I almost had to prise my clenched jaw apart.

The whole thing took just over half an hour to complete. Time that I simply do not have every day of the week. I felt that this length of time focused on listening to my body and my breathing was a bit of a luxury, and maybe should be reserved for a bit of self-indulgence at the end of a busy week.

Or at the beginning of a two week holiday 🙂

Let me eat cake

I follow multiple cake bakers social media in an attempt to get ideas on future cake designs and to see what the latest trend is.

Trouble is, there are so many beautiful designs and styles that every time I see a photo I think “oh that’s nice” then 2 seconds later see another one and “oh thats nice too”. To the point where its actually quite confusing now.

Apart from the fact that no one is needing cake made right now, I might not be able to get supplies in and I’ll have to make do with what I’ve got. I suppose I could order stuff in but as I can’t decide what to do, I don’t know what to order.

If I made a cake just for my own pleasure, I have my favourite colour scheme and think I would probably make something with some classic flowers on. I have some annual leave so will have the time to make them. I’m thinking a large peony and some roses and fillers. I have a tonne of new sprinkles to try out too so it would be good to incorporate them as well.

There’s Valentines Day, mine and C’s birthdays and our wedding anniversary coming up so maybe time to have a play.

I do find cake decorating quite therapeutic as you have to concentrate on what you’re doing. Its all absorbing. And of course there’s a reward at the end of it. I just have to make the time.

Is it too pretentious to make myself a cake?