When did you last tend to the details?

Ernest Hemmingway said something along the lines of “everyone’s life ends the same way, it’s the detail of how they lived and died that distinguishes one person from another”. We can be so busy with life, work, college, business, going to the gym, hobbies, trying to change ourselves and the world around us that we can forget what we truly crave, the beauty of what is found in the detail of life.

You guessed it, I’ve been listening to Tonya Leigh (I swear that I’ll change channels soon) again, who suggested that the details can be small, simple things like putting on some lippy, enjoying a good book, or cup of tea, the beauty of fresh flowers, coffee and cake with friends, art, a glass of good wine, enthusiastic conversation about something you’re passionate about, or even quiet time alone. Beauty is found in the details of how you live, making time for those special moments.

TL offered that whilst its fine to have an eye on the bigger picture, driving ambition and success over time and quality can make us almost afraid to stop and appreciate the simpler things in life, like a beautiful sunset. We’re often racing around to get the next thing done instead of taking notice of what’s right in front of our eyes.

When we decide to tend to the details of everyday it requires discipline, but can lead to a beautiful life. We need to break the habit of saying we’ll get round to it one day, or we’re too busy, or it doesn’t really matter. This is something I’m guilty of. The “I’ll get round to it eventually” and thinking that there’s so much to do and get done that I’m too busy to take time to achieve any of it. I need to tackle one small detail at a time and before you know it, the rest will follow. Prime example is that I decided to make my side of the bedroom less industrial. My bedside table is full of jewellery boxes, glasses cases, old watches I no longer wear and a jumble of stuff. I got as far as buying myself a statuette (fake bronze but never mind) with the idea of clearing the table of all that stuff and just having a beautiful statuette there, elegant and romantic.

So far, the statuette has arrived and is still in its box. I could have made a start on clearing space last weekend but didn’t get round to it, instead I sat reading, or catching up on things having just returned from holiday. You could argue that sitting reading and catching up on things was tending to some details but it didn’t feel like I’d achieved anything towards my goal. I need to break that habit of “I’ll get round to it one day” and just do it.

Taking attention to the details, slowing down and appreciating things, can inspire us and those around us. People will appreciate the time you offer to truly be with them.

What is the one small detail you’ll tend to this week?

Do you have a word of the year?

Most people start a new year with resolutions and intend to join the gym, eat healthily, get a better/different job, improve relationships etc. I am not one for subscribing to such notions as I think they are all too easy to fall foul of.

I have resolved to join the gym, paid my ££s and after a few months decided that I can’t fit it in, or I’m not really enjoying it, or I don’t see any benefits, so I give up. I have intended to eat more healthily and give up or intake less cake, crisps and sweet treats, right up until I see a bakery shop window, or am out for dinner and the luxurious chocolate cake is too irresistible, or the idea of “second pudding”, a concept brought home by our daughter during the first lockdown, is still ritualistically maintained.

Rather than a New Year’s Resolution, I had more of a “Turning 50 epiphany”. That was when I decided to make some changes to my life. I decided to eat more healthily, but not give up the pleasures of cake and chocolate, to make sensible food choices and introduce new food items into my diet. I decided to upgrade my wardrobe and outward appearance. To wear skirts and dresses more often, (I used to wear them to work all the time), to spritz that perfume I’ve had sitting on my dressing table for years, to wear that beautiful bracelet I was given on a holiday in Gibraltar, to wear those beautiful Pandora charms my husband and daughter have bought me over the years, to splosh on the nail varnish and keep my nails trimmed and neat, to invest in a good quality pair of heels to accentuate my calves. To be a bit more daring in what I where to remind myself that I am a woman and what I used to be like. I decided to invest time and effort in to learning more about myself and my failings in order to be a better person, wife, mother, sister, daughter, friend, colleague. I’m still working on building relationships and sometimes have to take a deep breath to get through them but hopefully I have become more tolerant of others and understanding of others’ perspectives.

I am not doing any of this for anyone else’s benefit other than my own, and through working on each of these areas I am ultimately making myself happier. I have no intention of wistfully hankering after some super chic lifestyle of the rich and famous, but there are things I can do in everyday life that will make my life easier and happier, which will impact on those around me.

So rather than having resolutions, I adopted a word for the year. It sounds a bit pretentious and pompous but I think it encapsulates everything I have mentioned above. My word of the year is “Elegance”.

I want to be more elegant in my interactions with others, in the way I respect and treat people by having a deeper understanding of my own responses to others and their perspective. I want to be more elegant in my appearance. Over the years I have become more comfortable (nothing wrong with that) and a bit grungy. I used to wear skirts and dresses to work and occasionally at leisure. I remember the types of clothes that I wore when I first started dating my husband and the things that attracted him. I have become lazy in my appearance. I have some good assets, so why not accentuate them a little, without getting cringey. I have nice things that other people have bought me over the years that I don’t use regularly. Nice jewelry that sits in the box, gorgeous perfumes that are still in their cellophane wrappings. I know that I swear a lot and sometimes in inappropriate settings and once I start I find it hard to stop, so I am really being conscious of the amount of speaking more elegantly, swearing less and being more aware of when, where and what words I use. I want parts of my home to be more elegant and will be looking to make areas of sanctuary amongst all the clutter, that are beautiful, restful places to be. I want to re-engage my femininity.

So, my word of the year is “Elegance” and I am doing my best to incorporate it into everything I do. What would be your word of the year and are you living it?

Finding a kindred spirit

I was reading an article about Saira Khan, star of the 2005 series of The Apprentice and later Loose Women presenter, wellness fanatic and entrepreneur about how she felt that life was started at 50, breaking barriers and being her authentic self. Whilst there are obvious differences, like the fact she has a £2.3m house in Oxfordshire, she looks amazing and has an evolving business, the difference seems she seems content not to have to prove herself anymore.

We do both seem to have taken the opportunity of turning 50 to have a time of reflection and taking stock of where we are in life and what we want for ourselves, rather than for others. In her words “I can’t please everybody and I don’t want to please everybody”. She clearly has an advantage over me in that she can afford to do what she wants, work how and when she wants and can afford all the niceties money can buy. However its not money, prestige or fame she’s interested in, rather not doing things she’s no longer happy doing, and looking after herself mentally and physically.

It seems that she had to work hard to get it and due to her upbringing created a persona of being loud, opinionated and assertive. She felt that she had to be that way in order to break down religious, familial and workplace barriers. She is clearly a confident person and doesn’t suffer fools gladly. I can identify with some of the issues she faced and some of the ways she has responded and how others perceived her.

Obviously she was taking part in a photo shoot and interview so of course she was made to look glamorous, but it was her words that resonated most with me in expressing herself and what she wants personally. Like me, she wants others to see that there is another side to her. She’s not opinionated all the time. She’s not shouty all the time. She’s not assertive all the time.

Whilst I am fundamentally an introvert, there are groups of people who don’t see me that way. They see me as assertive, firm, judgemental and not afraid to say what I think. Mostly, that’s so far from reality. I don’t say half the things I think, or feel and sometimes that’s the right thing, but then I don’t say half the things I probably need to to the people who need to hear them. I struggle with decisions in certain circumstances. I need a level of validation and confirmation that I’m doing the right thing. I try to do what’s right for everyone else sometimes to the detriment of what’s right for me.

Turning 50 has given me that opportunity to re-evaluate what I want for me, where I want to be in the next 5-10 years’ time, how I want to be comfortable in my own skin. As I said before, I have considered things that I did in my younger days and let go for one reason or another, and reawakened what I had then that I want to return to now. It’s been quite liberating reinventing myself, although not everything I did 30 years ago I could get away with now.

Can a change of outfit really change your outlook?

I suppose the lovely weather we’ve experienced over the last few days has had me sorting the short sleeves from the woolly jumpers. And having an extra day to chill out and do what you want to has been beneficial.

I’ve been girlying up by wearing some lighter, brighter clothing, cleaning some jewellery I haven’t worn in ages, spritzed on some perfume even though we’re not going anywhere, painted my nails, done some housework and cooked breakfasts for the week ahead. Quite the domestic goddess. I’ve actually felt really chilled and positive about some changes I’ve started to put in place and today it started to manifest.

But to make those feelings and attitudes to stick, I’m going to apply the 21 day rule of sticking with it for that long to see if I can change my habits.

The way you dress can affect the way you feel and therefore can be used to take advantage of and increase confidence. Wearing elegant clothes can even change your behaviour. Adding accessories ups the ante.

I was told once that I should dress for the job I want not the one I have, but given that I’m sat in an office predominantly on my own, no one notices any way. I was also told that I should buy new underwear for an interview as it makes you feel more alert 😆

Apparently clothes have a cognitive affect with uncomfortable clothing associated with unease and distraction whilst comfortable clothing help us relax. Wearing the right clothes for the right occasion puts us in the right frame of mind.

Can all of this really make a difference or is it all superficial nonsense?

It will be time to be more sociable again soon as we meet more people face to face. Being a natural introvert that fills me with dread but can a change of outfits and mindset make a difference? Time will tell.

Will anyone notice and will they care?

Elite Writing

I really enjoy learning new skills, finding new ways to do things or top tips on how to improve what I currently do, particularly when they benefit others. My latest desire for learning centres around how to create articles and content that will get noticed. I am asked more frequently to write for others, so I’m keen to pitch it right.

I watched a LinkedIn course by Shani Raja on elite writing where he set out his ‘secret sauce’ recipe of simplicity, clarity, elegance and evocativeness to bring a new mastery to writing through purity, easy to comprehend, ordered and flowing, stimulating prose. Raja explained how writing with integrity, honesty and sincerity helped audiences understand the intent of what had been written and how creating something with purpose could inform, persuade, entertain or inspire.

Raja described how writing could be likened to a painter creating something of beauty, where every word must truly belong and every punctuation mark had a purpose.

The concept of simplicity was to do away with pointless flowery sentences by deconstructing them to a specific idea and looking for the plainest way to say it. This could be achieved by stripping out unnecessary words, or not using long words when a shorter one would do. Clarity could be achieved by ensuring the reader was not confused by terminology or had to fill in the gaps for the piece to make sense. Elegance was accomplished by the orderly, graceful flow, the arrangement and rhythm of the words, and consistency of style. Evocativeness gave the writing power to fire the imagination, to move or stimulate the reader through vibrant imagery.

Raja suggested that a writer needed to balance these four ingredients but that all four didn’t have to be applied all of the time; it was about finding balance to produce the best results.

I made 14 pages of notes detailing each ingredient and will look for ways to incorporate them in my writing. You, as the poor unsuspecting reader, may find yourself unwittingly part of my new writing experiment. You may find yourself subjected to trialling different tones and character as I try out new styles of writing.

Raja pointed out many pitfalls I know I currently fall foul of. Where my blog was a space for me to write what I wanted, when I wanted, how I wanted, I could use that as a practice ground for improving my skills. When I write press articles or content for social media or newsletters, I need to be more precise about the message I wanted to deliver and be mindful of writing with integrity to connect with different audiences.

I would be interested in feedback you may have about my experiment. Did my writing inform, persuade, entertain or inspire? Was my text easy to follow, too dull, rambling or leave you feeling unclear? Have I presented my script in a way that it flowed and was pleasing to look at on the page? Were you captivated?