Sitting with adversity

I’ve just completed a free, online 6 week course in Demystifying Mindfulness course via Future Learn (www.furturelearn.com). The course covered the “science of mindfulness, how it works and why from a political, psychological and philosophical perspective”. Throughout the course were a series of Mindfulness Labs, opportunities to practice a meditation technique. Something not so long ago I would have said was nonsense. One of the ones that resonated with me most was the one on Sitting with Adversity.

Usually throughout a meditation the participant is encouraged to let go of thoughts and feelings and concentrate on breath or sounds. In this particular one though we were actively encouraged to invite a difficult situation, thought or feeling and to acknowledge its existence, to sit alongside it, before considering “each in breath a new beginning and each out breath a letting go”.

So many situations to choose from. I may well have to come back to this meditation several times to get through them all. However, at the end of the 15 minutes or so, I felt much calmer about the situation I had been thinking about. I chose to lessen its hold over me and consider what was within my personal means of being able to do about it. In the end, I chose to let it be what it will be.

Even coming to terms with that simple statement of letting something be what it will be and making a conscious decision to not let it affect me in the way it had been, was enough to lighten to load.

I have done several short courses via Future Learn and would thoroughly recommend it as a way of broadening horizons and dipping into something before deciding whether or not its something you want to pursue further.

Analysis Paralysis

I’m doing an online course in mindfulness and wellbeing at the moment and have been fortunate to spend all of the day going through the next module, which has been discussing, amongst other things, the merits of whether mindfulness teachers need to be qualified or regulated in some way, and whether attending an 8 week intensive mindfulness course is sufficient for someone to set themselves up as a mindfulness teacher. Don’t panic, I’m not going to be opening up a clinic any time soon.

Being scientifically objective about mindfulness is difficult in that it is difficult to measure one person’s experiences against another’s. We all come pre-programmed with inbuilt prejudices and life experiences that cause us to be open or judgemental about ideas. We all have unconscious biases that impact our opinion as to whether a therapy has been helpful or not.

Connection to a teacher is important. Without a rapport and mutual understanding student and teacher may not settle into a place of trust. People attend mindfulness based stress relief (MBSR) or mindfulness cognitive behavioural therapy (MCBT) for a multitude of reasons, but it is important to recognise that many of them do so because they have been referred as part of a treatment therapy for depression or stress/anxiety, trauma or PTSD. However, even those of us who are seemingly quite resilient and able to cope with most things could end up being triggered by regressing into something that we had long ago put away, dealt with, coped with or moved on from, as part of mindfulness practice.

Is someone who has been on an 8 week course sufficiently qualified and experienced enough to handle that?

If I were in the situation of needing support to such a level, I would be wanting to find out more about the person delivering the sessions. In a business environment we are taught to use the PESTLE analysis tool to investigate the political, economic, social, technological, legal and environmental aspect of a business before investing or setting up a new business. If I were looking for a teacher who was going to be helping me explore the deeper parts of my brain, and help me find ways to cope and recover I would want to know that the teacher had done those same sorts of analysis on the subject of mindfulness and not just got a certificate of attendance.

The holy trinity

Its by no coincidence that my blog site is called Bells, Bakes & Bettering Myself. Today I got to do all three. The holy trinity. The hatrick. Whatever you want to call it.

This morning was spent with friends and family in Ringing Room, the virtual #bellringing platform. A group of us from Essex, North Lincolnshire, Derbyshire and Nottinghamshire were able to ring together, have a good natter and make some progress in our learning. Bells part 1. Tick.

Early afternoon was taken up by decorating a cake for me and hublet for valentines day. Now, I need to fess up and admit that I didn’t actually make the cake, I only decorated it. A fantastic website called Sweet Success Cakes https://cccbr.org.uk/2021/02/10/the-survival-and-recovery-toolbox-issue-3/ can ship you ready make cakes in any size and different shapes and flavours you like. I’d already decided that I’m going to make myself a cake for my birthday next week and was looking at the site for some inspiration. They were offering 4 x 4 inch cakes, chocolate, red velvet, lemon and plain for £10. No brainer. Therefore, I decided that I would use one for valentines day, 2 for my birthday and have an extra tall cake and the other one for his birthday. I’ll have a rethink when it comes to our anniversary. All of these dates happen within a month of each other. The cakes can be frozen and defrosted when you need them so that’s handy. Cake done, although I suppose not technically baking but… Bakes. Tick.

Then came a meeting with some members of the Central Council and The Big Ideas Company, an organisation we’ve worked with before on major #bellringing projects. We were kicking around some new ideas for regenerating ringing when we can return post Covid. Bells part 2. Tick.

Then there was a little slot available until dinnertime to do a bit of research. I’m currently doing a free online course about mindfulness and wellbeing. See yesterday’s blog for how that went. The course does require you to do some independent learning so I was having a look about for scholarly articles on the science of mindfulness. Turns out there’s quite a few. I’ve pulled off a few that I think might be interesting. Bettering Myself. Tick.

Bells, Bakes and Bettering Myself. Does what it says on the tin.

Body Scanning

I have always found it hard to meditate. To find the time for starters. I have a full time job and a full time hobby as well as a family. Finding time to sit and do nothing just doesn’t feature. When I have tried body scanning or meditation before I’ve always been skeptical and probably not allowed myself the chance to fully embrace it and practice it thoroughly. I’ve always thought it’s a bit “woo woo”!

I indulged myself today with a full, guided body scan activity that was actually quite lengthy. I found myself wandering off at times, my inner voice telling me that I have many other things I should be doing right now, what was I doing just sitting here, seemingly doing nothing. As I went through the practice though, I got better at shutting that inner voice out and really tuning in to what my body was telling me.

As I moved on from each area of the body, I felt that area go cold. I had a constant tenseness in my thighs and shoulders. I’ve had quite bad back problems before and as soon as I started to focus on the pelvic area I felt sharp pains in my coccyx. As I moved to the lower back, I felt the muscle memory tense and try to go into spasm. I had to consciously try to shut these feelings out. They weren’t real. My body was just reacting in the way it has been used to for many years.

After about 10-15 minutes or so I felt my eyes start to get heavy and could have quite easily nodded off, so had to keep bringing myself back from the abyss. When I moved on to the back, chest and shoulders, I felt that I had to physically expand my chest by moving my arms behind me so that it opened out my shoulders and allowed more breath to fill my lungs. I almost had to prise my clenched jaw apart.

The whole thing took just over half an hour to complete. Time that I simply do not have every day of the week. I felt that this length of time focused on listening to my body and my breathing was a bit of a luxury, and maybe should be reserved for a bit of self-indulgence at the end of a busy week.

Or at the beginning of a two week holiday 🙂

What’s stopping you from letting go?

Another one of those self-awareness quizzes (I’m getting quite in to them now) was all about what’s stopping you from letting things go and moving forward. This could be an incident that keeps holding you back, lack of self-confidence, lack of imagination, capability or opportunity.

So having answered the obligatory 10 questions – why do they feel the need after question 4 and question 8 to let you know that you are now 40% and 80% complete? – it spewed out my results:

Self-Awareness

Ruminating can become habitual, the go-to place for your mind to wander. But constantly rehashing old arguments, decisions or events keeps them live and fresh. Next time you find yourself sucked into an overthinking spiral, check in with how you feel. If your mood has taken a downturn or you’re feeling anxious, your thinking is not helping you resolve anything. Increasing self-awareness by making time every day to do a mindfulness exercise can help you get into the habit of observing the stories your mind is telling you without getting sucked into them. Try starting your day with a mindful shower – focus on feeling all the sensations and smells. When your mind wanders, observe where it has gone without comment or analysis, then bring yourself back to the present. It may also help to schedule daily ‘worry time’ and park your overthinking until a specific time of day, preferably when you’re relaxed and in a good frame of mind. If, when worry time comes around, you don’t want to go over old stuff, that’s a bonus.

I do actually go over things, again and again, and try to understand the different nuances of what has happened, why it happened, what could have been done differently, how I could have reacted differently. I also spend a lot of time thinking about why am I spending so much time thinking about it. I often tell myself to move on.

I guess that I’m one of those who constantly beats myself up about things. There’s always something I could have done better, or should have done that I didn’t, or did that I shouldn’t have, or that I really ought to give more time to. I replay conversations over in my mind multiple times. “What if I’d have said this”? or “if they’d have said that I could have…” and so on.

I’m not sure that I want to schedule a daily worry time, as there are some days when I don’t overly worry about anything in particular, and I’m not sure that you can necessarily schedule it. Things that will cause worry that are triggered by other things and can happen at any time. I might be in the middle of one thing and something on the radio or that I’ve read will trigger my brain to relive a previous worry.

I try to learn from previous errors and hope not to repeat them (not always necessarily successfully) however, I do find it really hard to forget about them and move on, even when a solution has been found, agreed and implemented. I will stew over it, even after some considerable time.

I guess I need to learn how to deal with it in the moment, resolve whatever it is, and then move on. Step away. Park it. Easier said than done.

How adventurous are you?

I do not think I’m the adventurous type at all. I like home comforts. I like routine. I like to know what I’m doing and when so that I can plan around it. I’m not particularly great at trying new experiences. Although I did do an abseil once. I did go skiing when I was at school. I do like to travel and see different places. And I did make my husband do husky sledging a few years back. But I’m not spontaneous, or good at thinking of what others might see as exciting things to do.

So, I thought I’d try and find out what the experts say about whether I’m an adventurous sort or not and turned to one of those on line quizzes that thinks its gets to know all about you and your preferences by asking you a mere 10 multiple choice questions. According to the results:

You are excited by new experiences

Cosmopolitan, smart and savvy, above all, you get your kicks from interesting experiences. You flourish when your mind and senses are nourished and flounder in a cultural vacuum. The buzz of a new exhibit, the hush as the theatre curtain parts, or the flavours of a new cuisine all excite your palate and thrill your thoughts. For you, the conventional is dreary. Because you open yourself up to a wide array of artistic and intellectual interests, your world is ever expanding.

Well, as it happens, yes I do like the theatre. We do try to at least make an annual trip to see a West End show each Christmas time (2020 being the exception) and if anything else takes our fancy in the mean time we’d go along. I do like to learn new things and educate myself. I enjoy certain types of museums and exhibits and enjoy a good National Trust property or English Heritage site. I do like eating, so trying new things from time to time is good, and when we are on holiday abroad I do like to try something that might be considered local cuisine (so long as its not fish!).

So I might not be adventurous in the sense that I like to do extreme things like water sports (I have a phobia of water so that’s not going to work), or bungee jumping, or fast paced stuff, I’m more of a slow, steady adventurer. I’m less keen on the “let’s do something crazy” and go for more of the “let’s plan a nice trip out”.

A while back I did do a year (and am probably still doing it) of saying “yes” to everything that came my way. This was both exciting to take on new challenges but worrying as some of the things I was asked to do put me in the spotlight, somewhere I’m not comfortable with. However, it did give me a chance to connect with new people, and has stretched my own learning and capacity. The downside is that I now get involved in lots of things that I can’t always give sufficient time to. So there’s a fine balance needed.

So, maybe I am unconventionally adventurous and my world is ever expanding, just slowly.

‘S not funny

Sure sign I’m coming down with a cold. The last couple of days I’ve had a headache, then yesterday woke up with a raging sore throat. For me, these are the early warning signs of a cold brewing. Then by early evening I’d developed sneezing and a snotty nose. Lovely.

Sneezing is really annoying. I had a fit of several sneezes on the trot and could barely draw breath between them. Apparently the force of a sneeze can reach 40mph. You can’t control a sneeze, it’ll happen without mercy. The signals to the brain causes a reflex in the face, nose and chest, which is what causes you to inhale. Then there’s the explosive expellation.

Clearly, I’m currently sneezing as I’m coming down with a cold, but there are other reasons that cause people to sneeze. My daughter sneezes every time she goes out in the sunshine.

There are many suggested remedies for colds and sneezing such as drinking hot teas, eating spicy food, using a facial steam bath. Then there’s the medication that contains paracetamol and other active ingredients.

I’m generally a “let it flow” kind of person. My observational experience has shown that those who try to stave off the symptoms by taking medicines tend to have their colds hanging around a lot longer. By not taking anything my cold is generally over and done with in a couple of days. C tends to take medication and his colds can go on for over a week, sometimes two.

As annoying as it was to have an uncontrollable sneezing fit during a zoom meeting, I know it’ll be over with in a day or so. Just hope I can get through the next full day of virtual #bellringing without too much bother.🤧

Slave to the Rhythm

Having allowed myself the time to read some incredibly useful and illuminating books recently, I’m learning a lot about how the human body functions, it needs and ways in which to support it both physically and psychologically. The latest revelation was around the study of the traditional Chinese medicine understanding that you can make more out of your day by syncing your activities and energies with the times of the day that certain organs perform at their peak.

For example, the lungs peak performance time is between 3am and 5am, so this might be the best time for deep, restorative sleep, whereas the heart performs best between 11am and 1pm, so the ideal time for getting the blood circulating through exercise with high energy levels and eating a light lunch, so that come 1pm to 3pm your small intestine can sort and absorb food.

From about 7pm onwards the rhythm of the body clock is starting to wind down and the circulatory systems can focus on carrying nutrients around the body, a time to start to settle down for the evening. Sleeping between 9pm to 5am allows the gall bladder and liver to be most effective, cleansing the body of toxins, ready to start over when the lungs are preparing to restore oxygen to your muscles for the day ahead.

It was really interested to compare that clock to my daily routines. I get up around 6am, start work at 7.30am, have breakfast around 8.30-9am, just as my stomach is at peak efficiency and concentration levels should be highest. I go for a walk most lunch times, so that could be anywhere between 12noon and 2pm, at exactly the right time for my energy levels to be at their highest. I do suffer from the mid afternoon slumps, but being at work can’t partake of a short nap, but do feel that I need a sugar boost around 3pm, so cup of mint tea and a snack to keep me going. We do tend to eat our evening meal some time between 6pm and 7pm, so at the right time for my kidneys to be storing nutrients. Then, unless I have a meeting in the evening, or I’m at a virtual #bellringing session, I’m usually fairly zonked out on the sofa from then on in. I do have a bad habit of curling up with my sofa blanket, then falling asleep around 9.30pm, wake up again around midnight and head straight to bed where I can usually fall asleep fairly quickly and thoroughly until the alarm rips me awake again at 6am.

So, without realising it, I am actually quite in sync with my organ body clock. I am already a slave to the rhythm.

The importance of nothing

Life can be so full on sometimes. Even having a week off work doesn’t really give you the rest you sometimes need. I’ve written loads, researched loads, rung loads and had several meetings during my week off so I really haven’t felt any restorative benefit.

Today though, we had nowhere to be and nothing to do. C turned the alarm clock off so we woke up naturally and didn’t actually get out of bed until nearly 10am, which is unheard of. Some might say that that’s wasting so much of the day, but waking up naturally actually made me feel more awake and alert than being ripped from slumber by a screeching radio alarm.

Saturdays have seem to have got a new ritual of bacon butties for breakfast. C cooks them whilst I’m in the shower so its ready, with my coffee, when I’m dressed and ready to face the world. So grateful for that.

Both of us then just sat for a while, reading or catching up with social media. No need to rush.

We had no reason to go into town for anything and as we’d had a late breakfast didn’t feel the need for lunch.

I did do some food prep for breakfasts and lunches for the working week ahead as Sunday is full of ringing, family Skype and virtual meetings as well as the weekly ironing fun. But once that was all finished, I could get comfy on the sofa and read.

Haven’t spent so much time dedicated to just reading for ages. A cup of mint tea with the last slice of winter spice cake made it all a bit hygge. Both of us just sat on the sofa reading. For hours. No other distractions of TV or radio. Blissful.

Some might suggest that a day was wasted and we should have done some exercise or something more constructive with our day, but I actually feel more awake and positive having taken some time to just be.

It probably helped that the book I was reading, not one of the e-shorts I had intended to, was talking about quietening inner critics and self sabotage. It was helping me understand the ways to silence the inner brain chatter and believe that I’m good enough, when so much that has been going on lately has left me feeling totally inadequate.

Benefits of doing nothing include being mentally stronger and more compassionate by having opportunities to delve deeper into innermost feelings and convictions. It helps relieve stress and help you become more rested, happier, productive, creative and allows your brain to reboot by letting thoughts settle.

My step count for the day is hardly going to break the 1000 mark but it doesn’t matter for one day. Self healing and restoration was what was needed today and I’m glad to have given it space in my life.

Kindling some e-shorts

As I’ve been on annual leave this week, one of the things that I wanted to do was some reading. Trouble is, I’ve read all the fiction books that I’ve invested in and although I have some non-fiction to wade through, felt that being on “holiday” wasn’t the best time to read those.

I haven’t downloaded a Kindle edition of a book in ages. I much prefer the physical thing to hold, turn pages and even the smell. I am also a bit OCD when it comes to collections. If there are a number of books by an author I enjoy, or a series that run together, then I have to buy all of them, and read them in order.

My favourite genre is historical fiction, most specifically Tudor period. I’ve read all the Jean Plaidy, Phillipa Gregory et al. Having most recently thoroughly enjoyed Alison Weir’s series on the Six Tudor Queens. I have the final instalment already on pre-order. I happened to be rummaging around that well known online purchasing site and came across a series of Alison Weir e-shorts. These seem to be companion stories to the Six Tudor Queens series. There are 7 e-shorts so far that relate to the first 4 books of the Tudor Queens, so one can assume that there are more to come. For £0.99 each, it was a no brainer to download the lot.

I’ve gone through the precis for each e-short and listed them in order of which main Six Tudor Queens books they sit along side so that I can, as with full series, read them in order. There appears to be 1 that sits with Katherine of Aragon, 1 that bridges that with Anne Boleyn, 1 that accompanies Anne Boleyn, 1 for Jane Seymour and 2 for Anna of Kleves.

I have a whole day with no meetings or need to be anywhere else or do anything in particular, that I can give wholeheartedly over to reading these e-shorts. Give me a nudge when dinner’s ready!