Style Guru

Someone (you know who you are) came over to see me today and very kindly brought me belated birthday gifts. They were brilliant, thank you. However, it was what she was wearing that got most of my attention.

It looked like she’d just had her hair done, but she professes to have coloured it at home. It looked like it had recently been cut too, but she swears not. She was wearing a fabulous coat. It was blue with white checked lines, a belt and collar. To be honest, she looked very glamourous in it, not that she doesn’t always look fab, but this was really rather special.

All the while we sat and chatted I was thinking “I want that coat”. I offered a very sincere compliment on it and how it looked on her and she told me where she’d bought it from. I’m going to google it later.

But do I need another coat? Probably not. I have several lightweight jackets. I have what I call my autumn jacket, one that is slightly thicker than but not as heavy as a winter jacket. I have a winter jacket. I have a winter coat. I have a rain coat. I have a posh long coat. I probably don’t need another one. But it did look good.

It looked good on her, but would it have looked that good on me? I don’t know. We are different body shapes, height, hair colour and skin tone, so maybe it suited her style better. Maybe I’d just look like a beached whale in it.

I’m trying to inject some colour into my wardrobe as quite a significant amount of it is black or white. I’m trying to find more stylish items rather than the functional or office style. I’m buying more things I can mix and match with other things. I’m trying to move away from the same old stuff. I did actually see a photograph of someone in a bright pink trouser suit the other day and I thought she looked fantastic. I actually felt that I wanted that suit too. Last summer I did buy a bright blue suit, which is very different for me, and I wore it to work a few times and got some really nice compliments.

I think the problem is I’m not really sure what my style is. I like comfort but I like to be smart when I’m at work. I used to wear skirts and dresses but for about 15 years or so I probably have only wore a skirt or dress a handful of times. I have some long dresses that I wear to formal dinners, but that’s all I have in the wardrobe now. Everything else is trousers. I have a long body which makes some styles impossible to wear despite the fact that they might be flattering for my girth!

I think I like an urban casual look. Something fairly soft and comfy with an occasional edge to it. I’m slowly amassing that kind of wardrobe. But every now and then I want a statement piece. Maybe the coat could be this years’ statement piece.

That was the week (or 2) that was

The end of my 2 weeks annual leave has arrived. Monday morning sees the return to the office. Have I had a good holiday? Do I feel relaxed and rejuvenated?

Yes, I’ve had a good couple of weeks off, considering. I don’t particularly feel relaxed or rejuvenated thought. But I suspect that’s to do with the fact that we’re in lockdown and we can’t go anywhere or do anything or see anyone.

If we have been able to do things, I might have felt more energised. As it was, I spent most of the week not venturing far from home.

The first week I took the opportunity to undertake an online Mindfulness course. This was quite interesting and useful, but not something that I’ve suddenly found enlightenment from. It did give me some focus for a few days.

I had 7 virtual #bellringing sessions during the fortnight, some which I ran. I watched a funeral online. I attended 4 meetings and 1 virtual dinner. In between, I did some reading, played some games on my tablet and celebrated my 50^th birthday, lockdown stylee.

I did spend some time, quite purposefully, doing not a lot. C still did all the housework and cooking.

This sort of gave me an insight to what life might be like at a time when I could give up paid work completely. However, if that was the case, things would happen very differently. I would see a fair distribution of household labour. I would also probably do some form of exercise, whether down the gym or online stuff at home, or more walking at least. I would definitely do more baking and cooking. I do miss that a little bit.

I’ve had a good couple of weeks off and enjoyed not having to get up early and go to an office and get grief all day. I’m sure that feeling will be short lived when I open the office door.

50 Ways to Enjoy Turning Fifty

My sister bought me this book for my birthday last week. I thought I’d better take more than a cursory look at it. It claims to have 50 ways to make this the best year EVER. The book is set out in chapters based on making the most of turning 50, planning the best year EVER, implementing the plan, treating yourself well, having fun, looking back, looking within, expressing gratitude, putting things in order, eliminating what you don’t need, giving and looking forward.

Each chapter has key questions to help you analyse yourself and figure how to make the most of turning 50, thought experiences to delve a little deeper and activities to do. It does say that you can dip in and out of the book, fast forward to the bits that most interest you and so on but being a pedant, I started at the beginning.

Way #1 Accept your age.

Thought experiment 1 asks you to make a list of people you admire who are over fifty and who are living terrific lives and make a note of what you admire about how this person is living their life. OK, so first thing is to think of people over 50 who I admire.

I’m not going to list them all here because some of them might read this and either be embarrassed or disagree. I’ve written each of them in the book. Suffice to say that it includes C, my parents and siblings, a few former work colleagues, and some ringers I know. In some cases, I admire what they have achieved over adversity. In others I admire what they’re currently doing with their lives, and if I’m honest, I’m probably a bit jealous of. Some I admire because I wish I were more like them.

The key questions were what are some benefits of turning 50? and What are you looking forward to this year?

I guess benefits might include being that little bit wiser sometimes. Having more opportunities to reflect on what I want out of life and trying to achieve a better work/life balance. Nearer to retirement age (although still some considerable way to go). Looking forward to getting to see R again. This year has been an exception and we haven’t been able to spend time together, so as soon as we can we’ll do that. Can plan for the trip that we should have had for my 50^th birthday.

Thought experiment 2: what concerns do you have about turning fifty? What challenges are you experiencing or expecting? Which of those can’t you change? What constructive actions can you take regarding that item?

I’m not really bothered about turning 50. It’s just a number. I guess ill health, or my level of unfitness is probably going to be an issue at some point. I’m feeling less tolerant of other people, which I need to reign in a bit sometimes and there are other things that I’d rather be doing with my time but have to work instead. I can’t change that for a few more years yet unless something amazing comes up, like winning the lottery.

A million thank yous

So I’m now 50. The Big five oh. So far so good.

Our original thoughts were to have been having a nice holiday, Italy, Venice were mentioned but of course we couldn’t do that. However my epically wonderful hublet and most favouritest other person daughter R made it really special, as did everyone else who contributed cards, messages and gifts.

I have enough flowers to open my own floristry shop. Fortunately the last lot to be delivered came in their own vase, we’d run out by then.

Then there were chocolates, wine, prosecco,. Even biscuits from my favourite little mate who calls me “biscuit”. Book tokens, West End theatre evoucher, chocolate tasting experience, gift voucher for a cake class with my favourite cake teacher.

Beautiful earrings, necklaces, candles, books on things to do now I’m 50, and a mahoosive lunch/ afternoon tea that was too much food for one sitting. One necklace rom R was of all our birthstones, aquamarine (February), amethyst (March) and Ruby (July).

Balloons that were sneakily made up in the garage, and a chocolate cake to die for delivered having been approved of by R.

Lots of messages, lots of cards and a video chat with my big bruv in the morning and a lovely video chat with R later on in the day.

I feel thoroughly spoilt and am extremely grateful for everyone’s participation.

We’ll go travelling next year when there’s even more to celebrate, our 25th wedding anniversary and R’s 25th birthday.

Might need to take about 3 months off work for that. 😄

The holy trinity

Its by no coincidence that my blog site is called Bells, Bakes & Bettering Myself. Today I got to do all three. The holy trinity. The hatrick. Whatever you want to call it.

This morning was spent with friends and family in Ringing Room, the virtual #bellringing platform. A group of us from Essex, North Lincolnshire, Derbyshire and Nottinghamshire were able to ring together, have a good natter and make some progress in our learning. Bells part 1. Tick.

Early afternoon was taken up by decorating a cake for me and hublet for valentines day. Now, I need to fess up and admit that I didn’t actually make the cake, I only decorated it. A fantastic website called Sweet Success Cakes https://cccbr.org.uk/2021/02/10/the-survival-and-recovery-toolbox-issue-3/ can ship you ready make cakes in any size and different shapes and flavours you like. I’d already decided that I’m going to make myself a cake for my birthday next week and was looking at the site for some inspiration. They were offering 4 x 4 inch cakes, chocolate, red velvet, lemon and plain for £10. No brainer. Therefore, I decided that I would use one for valentines day, 2 for my birthday and have an extra tall cake and the other one for his birthday. I’ll have a rethink when it comes to our anniversary. All of these dates happen within a month of each other. The cakes can be frozen and defrosted when you need them so that’s handy. Cake done, although I suppose not technically baking but… Bakes. Tick.

Then came a meeting with some members of the Central Council and The Big Ideas Company, an organisation we’ve worked with before on major #bellringing projects. We were kicking around some new ideas for regenerating ringing when we can return post Covid. Bells part 2. Tick.

Then there was a little slot available until dinnertime to do a bit of research. I’m currently doing a free online course about mindfulness and wellbeing. See yesterday’s blog for how that went. The course does require you to do some independent learning so I was having a look about for scholarly articles on the science of mindfulness. Turns out there’s quite a few. I’ve pulled off a few that I think might be interesting. Bettering Myself. Tick.

Bells, Bakes and Bettering Myself. Does what it says on the tin.

Let me eat cake

I follow multiple cake bakers social media in an attempt to get ideas on future cake designs and to see what the latest trend is.

Trouble is, there are so many beautiful designs and styles that every time I see a photo I think “oh that’s nice” then 2 seconds later see another one and “oh thats nice too”. To the point where its actually quite confusing now.

Apart from the fact that no one is needing cake made right now, I might not be able to get supplies in and I’ll have to make do with what I’ve got. I suppose I could order stuff in but as I can’t decide what to do, I don’t know what to order.

If I made a cake just for my own pleasure, I have my favourite colour scheme and think I would probably make something with some classic flowers on. I have some annual leave so will have the time to make them. I’m thinking a large peony and some roses and fillers. I have a tonne of new sprinkles to try out too so it would be good to incorporate them as well.

There’s Valentines Day, mine and C’s birthdays and our wedding anniversary coming up so maybe time to have a play.

I do find cake decorating quite therapeutic as you have to concentrate on what you’re doing. Its all absorbing. And of course there’s a reward at the end of it. I just have to make the time.

Is it too pretentious to make myself a cake?

Surprise Surprise

There are a few of my former work colleagues, as well as myself, turning a certain age in the next month or so. The first of our little gang to celebrate this milestone happens this weekend. She doesn’t work Wednesdays and Thursdays and then has some annual leave that covers the actual day, so her colleagues and friends (?) surprised her today. When she arrived at work, her desk was surrounded by balloons, presents, cakes, cards and all manner of things. She’s not one for a fuss, but she did rather well in accepting the effort that people had gone to to celebrate with her. She did better than I would have done.

I hate surprises. It might be something to do with my ISTJ personality traits. It makes me feel very uneasy, nervous and not in control of what’s going on. If it had been me, I’d have either walked straight back out, or set about popping all the balloons. That’s not to say that I wouldn’t appreciate the effort of those who had done it had gone to, but if they knew me at all, they wouldn’t have done it in the first place. For me, I think it’s also a case of embarrassment, not knowing what to say or where to look, or what to do next. This is why I never work on my birthday.

At school my birthday was always either at the weekend or during a school half-term holiday so I never had to deal with my birthday at school with people either making a fuss or making fun of me. In most of my working life hardly anyone has ever known it was birthday anyway, and therefore a fuss was never made. Then I just started to book the week off that surrounds my birthday.

This year my significant birthday falls on a Saturday, so I’ve actually booked the week before and the week after off. The original thought was to have gone away somewhere with C and R and have a lovely break and experience somewhere else. However, in the current climate that’s not going to happen, and I’ll be unlikely to even be able to see R, so it’ll be a very quite affair instead. And I’m ok with that. I understand the situation we’re in and that there’s no point in going off about what I can’t do, or depressed about not being able to do what I want to. I’m still going to take the 2 weeks leave, got to use it up anyway, and I’m going to enjoy having some time off to recharge the batteries.

When the time comes that we can meet up with R, or that we can go away somewhere, then we’ll do what we might have done in the first place. I shall have that to look forward to.

Life expectancy

Out of the list of suggestions that were offered when I asked for ideas about things to do before I hit 50, one of them was to do a life expectancy test, then see how many years have you got left and write down five things you’d really like to do in that time. This isn’t something to be morbid about, rather that it should inspire you to do other things.

Obviously there’s no real science behind something that only asks about 10 questions about your age, gender, health and status. According to my age, height, weight, marital status, income and ethnicity on the particular online test I found, I should be expected to have an estimated life expectancy of 87 years, with a 75% chance that I’ll live until I’m 79. The site then gives suggestions on how to increase life expectancy with more exercise, less drinking, and how to put financial matters in order to fund retirement.

So part 2 pf the suggestion then was to come up with 5 things to do in that time. Some of the other suggestions I received could come in handy here.

Pay anonymously for a strangers coffee. Capture a moment every day in a photo or painting. Take photos of strangers and find out their story. Send a message in a bottle. Put £5 in a place for someone random to find. Write and post a handwritten letter to yor child. Take photos of 10 favourite corners of the house. Pick a random novel, read the first paragraph then do something triggered by those words. Try an alternative therapy like rieki or reflexology. Amongst others.

These all seem eminently doable so I shall tick some of the off. For starters, here’s a photo of one of my 10 favourite corners in my house.

Start as you mean to go on

New Years Day morning. A new year ahead that hasn’t been written yet. C made a cooked brunch. I could get used to that 😋.

This year will mark a significant birthday for me. The day this blog is uploaded will mark 50 days until I turn 50. I don’t have any issues with turning 50, it is but a number after all.

The 12 months before I turned 40 I kept a daily diary. I did think of doing something similar for the year that I turned 50 but somehow never got round to it. I guess you could say that I’ve used this blog as a sort of diary, although there’s lots that I haven’t written in a blog that I would have written in a diary.

Starting a new year and a new decade of life gives me the opportunity to start afresh and start as I mean to go on. I could get used to C cooking me breakfast every day but thats not practical or too good for my health. I could take this opportunity to establish some new habits. Start or do more of the things that I ought to do better and drop things that I should not, do less of or that self sabotage.

I read somewhere on line recently that it can take from 18 to 254 days to form a new habit and an average of 66 days for a new behavior to become automatic. Now, I’m not one for New Years resolutions, but I have 50 days to do 50 things that will have a positive habit forming effect on my life to take me into my 50s.

Where to start? Drop me some suggestions 👇