Dump the junk to cultivate a beautiful mind

Choosing what information we consume can directly affect our mood and thoughts for the day, so choose wisely. Respect your mind- if you take in junk you’ll probably feel trashy, if you take in beauty your mind will reflect that.

Podcast fave Tonya Leigh suggested that consuming trash, gossip, negativity, fear-based media and other people’s drama makes us feel sad. This can in turn send us on a spiral of then eating junk, then feeling back for having eaten junk, and so on, in a toxic cycle. When you intentionally cultivate a beautiful state of mind, we feel lighter, so feed your mind with beautiful things.

TL suggested challenging yourself to take an inventory of the information you consume and upgrade it where it’s not serving you well. Ask these questions:

Does it inspire you?
Do you feel more joyful afterwards?
Does it turn you on?
Does it make you feel happy?
Does it excite you?
Is your social media doing it for you?
Do you feel a better person for having read/watched/listened to it?

In order to cultivate a beautiful mind have high standards for what you read, watch and listen to. You can change the channel, throw away the book/magazine, turn the station over or leave the room.

Limit the time spent on social media. The algorithms fill your feeds with junk and negativity, so find sites and a space that shares inspirational quotes and is intentionally lighter.

One way to start the day with good thoughts TL suggested was to journal gratitude and intentions for the day ahead first thing in the morning. It puts good thoughts in your mind right at the start of the day. Listen to music that invigorates you and consume something that inspires you, read a book, watch a YouTube video or listen to a podcast.

I stopped watching the news on tv a long time ago. It was all doom and gloom and nothing good seemed to be happening in the world and it seemed to just want to find the bad in everyone and everything. That doesn’t mean I don’t know what’s going on in the world, or I’m deluding myself about things, but I choose not to be overwhelmed by it. The tv in our house doesn’t tend to go on before 6pm anyway, and even then we choose light entertainment programmes, the occasional drama or something educational.

I did a social media cull recently. I unfollowed a lot of people and sites who were no longer doing it for me, people who only post negative stories or try to stir up trouble, or simply begging for attention. I found sites that offered inspiration, hope and were full of vibrancy.

I am terrible at journaling. I’ve tried several times and I guess the nearest thing I’ve got to is this blog, but it doesn’t really demonstrate the gratitude and intentions very well, other than my intention to be a better person that I was yesterday by learning more about myself.

I do read a fair bit, but often quite specifically around a subject I want to learn more about and I always try to find both sides of an argument.

And of course I do listen to podcasts. Tonya Leigh’s School of Self Image being the current favourite. I started right from episode one so I have a bit of catching up, and I’m not apologising for the regular references to it. If you find something that resonates, I say it’s a good thing to share it. I was also recently referred to The Melissa Ambrosini Show which promises to bring insightful interviews to shift mind-set, inspire into action and fuel the soul. I haven’t listened to any yet, but I have one in my queue ready to go before deciding whether to subscribe or not. I have others that are comedic so bring a smile to my face as I’m on my lunchtime walk.

How do you cultivate your beautiful mind?

Best laid plans give way to better impromptu self care

This weekend was manic. I had three meetings and two lots of #bellringing on Saturday and plans for two lots of #bellringing on Sunday, with report writing and week ahead food prep and housework to cram in.

Saturday, although pretty hectic, was actually quite enjoyable for the most part. It was good to be out ringing in other towers with some people who I’ve only ever met via a Zoom meeting before.

Sunday looked to be a little more disjointed, trying to fit things in and get timings right so that I could do everything I needed to get done and be everywhere I needed to be. However as the morning progressed, one of the ringing events I needed to be at in the evening got cancelled.

This meant that I didn’t need to rush around quite so much to fit the other things in. It also meant that I had some additional time back to do with what I liked.

This sort of change of plan often unsettles me. I have a plan of the day and know what I need to do when but when I’m given back time I then find I don’t know what to do with it, despite having a to do list as long as a toilet roll.

I decided therefore, this reclaimed time I would use for some self care.

I gave my face a scare by putting a clay face mask on, something I haven’t done in ages, possibly even years. I always hide in the bathroom when I do fast masks in fear that C will take the opportunity to take photos of me with a green face and send it round. It meant I could have 10 minutes or so peace.

Then it was nail pampering time. I have a lovely foot balm to rub into tired feet, so I gave them a treat followed by painting toenails and my fingernails ready for the week ahead.

Then it was sit still, quiet and read time. There were mildly annoying sounds from outside but it was lovely to have no sounds from inside the house to shatter the calm.

It being Sunday, C then poured me a glass of Pimms and himself a fruit vodka that he’d been brewing, to top the evening off before we settled for tv viewing.

The only thing I didn’t do was soak in the bath. Lack of bubbles would have made it quite dull I feel. Note to self: get skin friendly bubblebath in for rare occasions.

It must a much needed bit of self pampering and self care ready to take on the week ahead.

Bring back the Joy

Over the years, as we take on more responsibilities, work, family and navigate our way through life, we can sometimes lose the joy and spark of our youth. We can get sucked in by others that gradually chip away at our joyfulness. I know I have experienced this. I used to be a lot more adventurous, outgoing and playful, but as I have grown older, settled down, become and wife and mother, and had a good career, a fair chunk of that has worn away. Like anything else to relearn and cultivate more joy in our lives we need to practice it every day.

If you don’t give something your attention it has absolutely no power of you.

If you ignore the critics, the snidey comments, the naysayers, those who seem to know better, the negativity and negative people around you, you are less likely to experience it, allowing more room for joy. If you don’t give it your attention, you don’t experience it. There’s no need to get involved in social media rebuttals, simply block, delete or ignore. There’s no need to get sucked into a pit of despair from constantly watching the news.

I had a case just this week where I read what someone had posted on a Facebook group that wound me up. For about half an hour, I kept going back to the post to see if anyone had made further comment. It had actually made me quite upset and ready to throw the towel in. I was expecting a further onslaught from everyone else who may have had an opinion one way or the other. Then I remembered that my reaction to it was my responsibility and why should I let someone else, who has no idea what’s going on in my world, ruin my day. I made a conscious decision to ignore it. There was one further comment made by the original poster, and a couple of likes but no one else seemed to have waded in, so I decided to move on. I did actually feel much better for not giving it my attention when I would have previous festered over it and worried about other people would be saying. I chose to ignore and move on.

This is not to say that we should ignore everything we don’t like that’s going on around us, not bury our heads in the sand, or take responsibility for our words and actions. It comes back to the point I have made before about how you choose to respond and how much of your time and energy you want to give to something that ultimately gets you down and evaporates your joy.

My favourite ever band, Duran Duran, have recently released a track called More Joy, here’s what they have to say:

“I know where this is going (more joy)

I’m looking at you

I like where it’s going (more joy)

Are you coming too?

I know where this is going (more joy)

I’m looking at you

I like where it’s going (more joy)

Are you coming too?“

Self-sabotaging sleep patterns

I’ve mentioned before that I could sleep for Britain. Or at least I think I could. Or maybe I just fantasise about trying. My Fitbit tells me that I average 7.5 hours a night, which is the socially prescribed length of time. However, it’s not all quality sleep.

Looking at the breakdown of my sleep patterns registered on my Fitbit I’m generally either awake or restless about 14 times per night. I spend around 1hr 59mins in REM, 4hrs 10mins in light and 58mins in deep, restorative sleep. My heartrate during my sleep time is roughly 25% above resting heartrate.

I generally go to bed properly around 11.30pm – midnight but have often already fallen asleep on the sofa prior to that. I rarely have trouble getting off to sleep. On weekdays the alarm rips me awake at 6am and on a weekend at 7am. Once the alarm has gone off, I’m awake. I can’t lie there, or get back to sleep, unlike someone I could mention!

In order to upgrade my sleep for a more restorative slumber, the latest Psychologies Magazine quick test suggested that my problem is around self-care. The area I scored most on suggested that:

“Sometimes, there is no real explanation for a shift in sleeping patterns but, if you’ve previously enjoyed regenerative sleep and now find it more elusive, it’s worth taking some time to assess the balance of your life. We all experience periods of sleep disruption and, for many people, sleep quality naturally fluctuates. No one has perfect sleep all the time – but if your stress levels have crept up, or you’ve stopped making tome to eat well and exercise regularly, it’s time to ask why self-care has slipped down your list of priorities. Being well aware of what habits help or hinder sleep is one thing, but putting them into practice is another. You many know from experience that what you do on a daily basis has a direct impact on the quality of sleep that you enjoy at night. But, even with the best of intentions, it’s easy to lose focus and slip into old habits, especially if your inner critic convinces you that you’ll never keep it up and taking care of yourself is not worth the effort.

Try to remember that small acts of self-neglect can accumulate and evolve into self-sabotage. How easy do you find it to be self-compassionate? Think about the advice you would give a friend who was finding it hard to get the sleep they need. Then think about how you can start to walk your talk to improve your own unsatisfactory sleep situation.”

I think some of my pre-bedtime naps are a result of boredom, I’m not really bothered about watching tv that late at night. Once I’ve sat down and finished all I need to do, I shut down. Sometimes, sleep is my answer to stress, if I’m asleep it can’t bother me. Should I be more active in order to stay away later, tire myself out more and have a good nights sleep? Sometimes, I can stay awake until midnight. If I’m working on something, or engrossed in a good book, or scrolling through social media (although that’s not advised just before bed). I usually find the next day, or a couple of days later, late nights catch up with me and I need a week of sleep to get over it.

It may be conditioning though. A bad habit that I’ve got into by letting myself fall asleep on the sofa has just become the norm. If I were to stay awake a while longer, would the sleep I do then get be more restorative?

How do you manage to stay awake until bedtime?

An impromptu Bank Holiday outing

We had no real plans for the Bank Holiday. An extra day to catch up with house chores or completing some paperwork, reading and meal prep for the week ahead. C had noticed an advert for our local RHS Garden Craft Fair. It’s only about 10 miles away, so we jumped in the car and headed off.

The weather wasn’t that great, overcast and occasionally spotting with drizzle but it didn’t really rain with menace, and it wasn’t too cold. The fair was on it’s last day and I’m not sure whether it had quite the volume they’d hoped for but there were still plenty of people about. Maybe some didn’t realise that the fair was on and just came out for the day anyway.

We meandered around the stalls. There were a few outdoorsy booths selling garden furniture and ornaments; one guy was whittling furniture out of ash. There were a few food stalls but nothing that tickled our taste buds particularly. There were three main, large marquees with small, individual “booths” within. Most of them were jewellery, glass or wood crafted objects. There were some clothes made of wool and yak’s wool. There were a couple of stalls selling soaps and hand creams in all sorts of strange combinations of scents.

We went round everything once before deciding to go to one of the main Garden cafes for a soup lunch and had a bit of a wander around the top garden areas.

Then we went round everything again. This time with intent to purchase. C bought something for his granddaughter for Christmas. I bought a couple of real leather belts; one brown, one black. I also bought myself a gold necklace and a pair or pearl earrings. I found a couple of cute tea light stands in the shape of Santa and a Christmas Tree that would look cute on the mantle at Christmas.

I did look at a gold bangle on another stand which was simple but rather nice. Then I turned the price tag over. £850. The woman thought that we were genuinely interested and let me try in on. It was the only one there in gold and I feigned that it was too small. She decided that she would write a full quote for me to have one custom made, took measurements and wrote it all down and may be expecting us to call her to confirm a purchase. Luckily, we didn’t give her any of our contact details so she can’t chase us. It was a nice bangle and all, but fairly simple in design. I wouldn’t have though it worth that much.

As usually at these things there are lots of lovely things, lots of tactile objects and if you have the right home and the right budget you could spend a small fortune. My few purchases cost enough as it was and I didn’t see anyone taking larger objects, unless they could order them for delivery later on. I wonder how much these exhibitors have to pay for their space for the weekend and whether the actually get enough custom to cover their outlay. I guess they must otherwise they wouldn’t do it.

It was a pleasant enough way to spend a few hours, got my daily step count in and still left time to get the chores done when we got back home.

How did you spend your Bank Holiday?

How to add enchantment to every day

“Wonder is the beginning of wisdom” – Socrates

If we choose to be fascinated in what is going on around us it can help turn something that we may feel trapped by into something more wonderful. So says my podcast mate Tonya Leigh (yes, I know I’m banging on about her a lot these days but I’m catching up on about 5 years of podcasts).

She also offered a few other suggestions to find the enchantment in everyday:

Place fresh flowers around the house. They add beauty and are alluring as well as being able to lift your mood and shift your energy.
Find the perfect colour lipstick. As someone who doesn’t wear make-up, this sounds frightening. I have a pinkish colour lip balm but that’s about it.
Take a walk in the woods, get out in nature and wonder at the trees and flowers and how they provide us with cleaner air.
Burn a decadent scented candle. I usually have the same scented candle all year round, Angels Wings from Yankee Candle, and at Christmas I get the Christmas Cookie one just to mix things up a bit. At a recent shop at Costco, I found a pack of three scented candles – one is Dark Pomegranate, one is Vanilla Bean and the other is Cassis and Fresh Fig. They may not be the Japanese Quince that TL refers to, but they smell quite nice.
Look at everything with wonder and awe. Think about how or what processes something had to go through to get to you, like a bottle of fine wine.
Dress up with a little flair. Put thought into how you show up. This is ok but you have to constantly keep an eye on the weather in the UK. You might think you have your outfits sorted out for the week ahead, but the weather is so changeable you’ll need to be flexible.
Have an afternoon tea ritual. Slow down and relax whilst breathing in the aroma of a herbal tea. To me the phrase “afternoon tea” also requires there to be cake. Maybe that’s ok too.
Stargaze and make a wish, contemplate the bigger things in life whilst staring out to the universe.
Mesmerise with melodies. Choose music that lifts your spirit and energises your mood.
Host a dream party. Instead of talking about everyone’s woes and worries, indulge in discussing dreams and desires.

Enchantment is not what you do but how you do it – seeing the beauty and mystery in everyday life. How will you be enchanted today?

The road to self-discovery

Some would say I’m having a bit of a mid-life crisis (and I know who you are), and I did make a tangible decision when I turned 50 earlier this year to reassess myself and my life and try to improve my attitudes, my outlook and my self-awareness and confidence. Scary. I want to be a better person and I need help establishing that.

The self-discovery journey is not always an easy path to follow. It can be scary, confusing, complicated. Revisiting childhood that started to mould beliefs and values, and choices made as an adult can be good and bad to relive.

I have also started to recognise people and events that no longer fit with my values, or that are one-sided and “takers”.

I have tried a number of techniques to help with varying degrees of success:

meditation – I just don’t seem to be able to sit still and focus that long when I know there are other things to be getting on with,
assessing my values and behaviours – this is ongoing as I experience different things, but I am making a conscious effort, don’t always get it right though,
figure out who I am and what I want – still having difficulty with that one. As soon as I think I’ve worked it out I get a dose of imposter phenomenon,
reflective thinking / writing – I am now much better at this and am able to assess my actions objectively and take whatever appropriate action needs to follow,
gratitude – I’ve really struggled with this one. Not because I’m not grateful for things, but find it really hard to express it. For example, I am grateful for the fact I have a decent job, decent salary and able to have a good sense of work/life balance, but I’ve worked very hard over a number of years to achieve it. I’m grateful that I have a stable and loving home and family, but do I need to give them presents all the time to express that? Is saying “thank you” to C when he makes dinner and “I love you” to R in the hope that she feels valued and loved adequate? I’ve never got the hang of writing a gratitude journal. When you read that you should write three things every day that you are grateful for, how do you think of different things? Surely it just starts to repeat itself,
finding my purpose – I’m still not convinced I’ve discovered this yet.

I have discovered things about myself that I had long forgotten about or buried. I have reset expectations and reassessed some relationships along the way. I have looked again at my personal style and how I want to feel about myself and those around me. I have started to be a little bit selfish about my time and energy and no longer spend so much of it trying to please other people.

I may have joined the party late, and I have a very long way to go, but I am determined to be a better person.

Skylarking around Dengie Deliveries

Annual Report delivery day #2 took us out to the Dengie Peninsula, a stretch of Essex coastline that is formed by the Rivers Crouch and Blackwater, both tidal, and the North Sea to the east. The boundary of the Dengie Hundred ran from North Fambridge to west of Maldon.

We drove out to via Purleigh to Bradwell on Sea, home of the power station (not The Power Station – Robert Palmer and escapee Duran Duran band members) and the Chapel, where St Cedd landed to teach us heathens about Christianity in 654 AD. We walked down to the Chapel, then instead of turning left, the usual route that walkers take along the coastline towards the power station, we decided to talk the right hand path that tracks along the saltmarshes towards Burnham on Crouch. We walked for a while then stopped for a packup lunch and watch a bit of nature.

I have one of those apps that helps you identify birds by their call, so when I set it off, it told me that the riotous squawking was coming from Skylarks. We couldn’t see any but they were making an almighty racket. Then there was a different sound, just in one particular spot, and the app told me that was a Redshank. Again, couldn’t see any but this one was rather vocal. We also spotted, but didn’t hear some gulls, mallards, a coote and a solitary egret type bird. There were some other sea birds a bit further out be we couldn’t make them out.

After our 4 mile round trip, we started our deliveries. Reports for Bradwell, only we went up and down the same stretch of road about 4 times trying to find a house name. Then the return journey via Southminster to Tillingham and then Burnham on Crouch.

When we arrived at Burnham we decided to have another little walk along the river edge. And stop for the obligatory ice cream. What a palaver that turned out to be. There are two ice cream outlets opposite each other. One seemed to have a long queue, the other didn’t, so we joined the one with the shorter queue. Then we noticed that they had a sign telling you that basically they’d run out of all flavours of ice cream except two. So we turned around and joined the other queue. It took FOREVER to get served. There seemed to be four staff, one on ice creams and the other three taking it in turns serving chips and hot food, or standing around chatting. The young lady serving the ice cream seemed to have the memory of a goldfish. If you gave her too many options, she just couldn’t remember it. And from the time of taking your order, and your money, to actually starting your order, she had everything jumbled up. It must have taken at least 20 minutes to get our order. We did wonder whether it was worth it, but when you so close to the front of the queue, you kind of have to stay with it.

Anyway, eventually with ice cream in hand, we continued our walk passed some houseboats and the playing field to as far as we could get along the harbour, where the marina is. We clocked up another 1.7 miles.

A leisurely drive back home through the countryside and back into the city, on a beautifully day. Tomorrow’s adventure takes us north!

Staring at a screen too long

With meetings, #bellringing, family gatherings, talks, plus the usual social media, emails, work etc, I find that I’m currently spending roughly 12 hours a day staring at a screen. Small wonder my eyes are dried out at the end of the evening.

I work a 9.5hr day Monday to Friday and most evenings am either on a Zoom meeting, or a virtual #bellringing session. On my non-working day I have, one, sometimes two virtual #bellringing sessions and more often than not a meeting in the afternoon on Zoom as well. Then every other Sunday there’s the family Skype gathering.

Apparently, there’s a name for it now ‘digital eye strain’ or ‘computer vision syndrome’. However, help it at hand with some top tips on how to reduce eye strain from All About Vision:

Get an eye test and tell the optician how much time you spend on the computer or devices.
Reduce excessive bright light. Close blinds or curtains, use lower intensity light bulbs, and position the computer so that windows are at the side, not in front or behind.
Consider an anti-glare screen for your monitor and have a more muted coloured wall to reduce glare from reflective surfaces.
Upgrade your monitor with a flat-panel LED screen in anti-reflective surface.
Adjust the brightness, text size and contrast, colour temperature or your screen.
Blink. When staring at a screen, people blink less frequently — only about one-third as often as they normally do. Blinking moistens your eyes to prevent dryness and irritation.
Exercise your eyes by frequently looking away from the screen at a distant object and focus on it for at least 20 seconds.
Take frequent breaks to help reduce neck, shoulder and back pain. Get up and move around for 10 minutes every hour.
Modify your workstation. Check your posture and ensure that your chair is the right height with your feet comfortably on the floor. Make sure that your screen is 20-24 inches away from your eyes with the centre of the screen 10-15 degrees below your eye level.
Consider computer glasses. Customised glasses which photochromic lenses.

I am conscious that my eyes are tired at the end of the day, and that I do probably need to get up and move about a bit more.

Maybe I will also try a digital detox day as well. A day without any screen time at all. Hmmmm!

Natural Wellbeing

I’m reading an article in the most recent Psychologies Magazine about how regular time in nature contributes to wellbeing of mind, body and soul, and it suggests that even spending 5 or 10 minutes outdoors with nature can be beneficial in reducing anxiety and can make us feel happier.

I know that I don’t get to spend nearly enough time outside. I do try to go for a walk at lunchtime, but quite often, due to location, that around a housing estate or hospital grounds. We are fortunate that there are open fields behind the hospital and I get a move on I might just have time to go that way. I guess even in a housing estate, nature has its place in well-manicured (or even overgrown) gardens and hedgerow. You just need to look hard enough.

When we were kids we used to holiday most years in the wilds or North Wales. A beautiful spot with mountains to climb, trails to walk and forests to play in. In adult years, when we’ve been away, we’ve always had what we’ve called “long walk day”. A day put aside (hopefully with good weather) to go on a 5-10 mile trek. No distractions but the views around us. Taking in the sights and sounds of nature doing its thing.

Having to work most days means that going out for long walks or further afield is not easily achievable. However we are lucky that we have some nice park spaces quite nearby.

According to the 10 question quiz that always accompanies these articles the thing that I should find most benefit from time outdoors is grounding.

“If you crave calm or wish you feel more grounded and connect to what matters, upgrading the quality of the time you spend in nature ma provide the shift you need. It’s easy to spend time outdoors on autopilot, or use it as a way to being with others – but you’ll benefit most from spending at least some time in nature on your own, so you can tune into the stillness and connect with your inner calm. If your tendency is to live in your head, time in nature can be a much-needed way of paying attention to your physical self. Finding the ground beneath your feet may even be the first step to finding a new direction in life.

You’ll get the most benefit by focussing on the here and now as you walk. Don’t give yourself a hard time if you can’ leave your emotional baggage behind but, when you become aware that you’re caught up in thinking, direct your focus outwards by noticing the colours, textures, sounds, smells and sensations. We can all benefit from a daily grounding ritual but, for chronic over thinkers, it can be life-changing”

Like most people, I haven’t had a proper holiday for nearly a year and a half now (since summer 2019), so when we are able to, I will relish the chance to get out and have some time to wander around new places and spaces to take in the sensations.