Body Scanning

I have always found it hard to meditate. To find the time for starters. I have a full time job and a full time hobby as well as a family. Finding time to sit and do nothing just doesn’t feature. When I have tried body scanning or meditation before I’ve always been skeptical and probably not allowed myself the chance to fully embrace it and practice it thoroughly. I’ve always thought it’s a bit “woo woo”!

I indulged myself today with a full, guided body scan activity that was actually quite lengthy. I found myself wandering off at times, my inner voice telling me that I have many other things I should be doing right now, what was I doing just sitting here, seemingly doing nothing. As I went through the practice though, I got better at shutting that inner voice out and really tuning in to what my body was telling me.

As I moved on from each area of the body, I felt that area go cold. I had a constant tenseness in my thighs and shoulders. I’ve had quite bad back problems before and as soon as I started to focus on the pelvic area I felt sharp pains in my coccyx. As I moved to the lower back, I felt the muscle memory tense and try to go into spasm. I had to consciously try to shut these feelings out. They weren’t real. My body was just reacting in the way it has been used to for many years.

After about 10-15 minutes or so I felt my eyes start to get heavy and could have quite easily nodded off, so had to keep bringing myself back from the abyss. When I moved on to the back, chest and shoulders, I felt that I had to physically expand my chest by moving my arms behind me so that it opened out my shoulders and allowed more breath to fill my lungs. I almost had to prise my clenched jaw apart.

The whole thing took just over half an hour to complete. Time that I simply do not have every day of the week. I felt that this length of time focused on listening to my body and my breathing was a bit of a luxury, and maybe should be reserved for a bit of self-indulgence at the end of a busy week.

Or at the beginning of a two week holiday 🙂

The Ladder of Participation

Someone at work mentioned that they were reading an article about the Ladder of Participation. This got me thinking about my own participation in activities both at work and home, predominantly about the roles I have within the #bellringing community.

The Ladder, devised in the late 1960’s, has three categories: Non-participation, Tokenism and Citizen Power. Each category has a number of rungs within it that describes how citizens, the general public, can through participation, have more influence in society. https://nhspublicvoice.wordpress.com/2016/10/27/ladder-of-participation-shows-how-involved-you-are/

Starting at the bottom rungs of the ladder in the non-participative categories are Manipulation and Therapy. These two are there to educate and cure the participant and to achieve public support through PR activities.

The next three rungs are in the Tokenism category and cover Informing, the one way flow of information, Consultation, the use of attitudinal surveys, meetings, public enquiries, but can be seen as a window dressing, before escalating to Placation, allowing citizens to give opinion or advise but holding on to the right to judge the legitimacy of that advice.

The real Citizen Power comes with the top three rungs of the ladder. Partnership, the redistribution of power between citizens and the power holders with shared decision making. Delegated Power, where the citizens now have the power to make decisions and assure accountability. Citizen Control, where the participants hold the power for entire job planning, policy making and managing activities.

In the #bellringing context I can see definite elements of manipulation and therapy and informing, where we are providing information, guidance and exercises to educate and support. We are currently undertaking various consultations to find out what people want from their #bellringing organisations. I hope that we do not then use that to placate, but inform decision and policy making. We have seen some great examples, particularly over the last 12 months or so or partnership, Association of Ringing Teachers, Central Council of Church Bell Ringers and The Ringing World working together. We are certainly offering opportunities for Delegated Power in the workgroup structure, which allows anyone, even if they are not a Council member to participate and influence the direction we are taking, and providing expertise. The Citizen Control might be a bit more tricky to manage wholescale, but there are pockets of activities that are directed by the ringers at a local level and we would want to support them with that.

No doubt there is room for improvement at every rung of the ladder, but it was interesting to note that we are on every rung. Where are you on the ladder?

Broadening musical horizons

Sunday evening I really enjoyed watching a compilation programme on BBC1 of highlights from stage musicals, Musicals: The Greatest Show, which was immediately followed by the O2 staged 25^th anniversary production of Les Miserables, a show that we’ve seen in the West End, and one of the few that I have the soundtrack for downloaded on my music player.

Cast members from several West End shows like Wicked, Everybody’s Talking About Jamie, Hairspray, Six and others, sang iconic songs from the shows. And I knew the words to pretty much all of them. We’ve had a family tradition for many years now of going to see a West End show during the Christmas period, so have seen a fair few of the offerings.

I do like a good belter of a song, or one that is really catchy and sing-a-long-able. Even if I don’t know the words, I know the tune and was humming, whistling or making some random noises along to (probably to the annoyance of C). There were some spectacular performances that really got the hair on the back of your neck standing up.

The Les Miserables performance was exceptional. They’d make some adjustments to the performance to account for it being at the O2, but nothing of the drama was lost. At the end they had all 4 performers who had played Jean Val Jean singing together, which was actually pretty awesome. To be honest, I can’t remember which one of them played him when we went to see it, without digging the programme out, it was a few years ago now.

The last musical we went to see was Six, the stories of Henry VIII’s wives, factually correct but with a bit of a modern spin on the delivery. It was more like going to a rock concert than a theatre show, especially at the end when they encouraged everyone to get up on the their feet and dance, and get their phones out to record it.

We really have missed out on some spectacular theatre over this last year but I’m pleased that shows like the Musicals: The Greatest Show may have reached a new audience and enthused more of us to partake when we are able.

We do currently have tickets for Sister Act in August, featuring Whoopi Goldberg and Jennifer Saunders, which was postponed from last year, so fingers cross that goes ahead. I will look forward to visiting the West End again and having a good old sing along.

Ding 1 and Ding 2

C and I having been ringing just 2 bells at the Cathedral on a Sunday morning now for exactly 4 months. Prior to that we could ring in 2 groups so long as we were socially distanced, but since the last increase in Tiers and lockdowns, we had to reduce it to just the 2 of us.

We’ve got ourselves into a very good routine by ringing 1 and 2, then make places and back, then 3 dodges, then 3 places again, and we just keep doing that. This means that you end up alternating dodging at handstrokes and backstrokes. It’s a good handling practice, but its surprising easy to lose count up to 3!

Each week I’ve been taking a video and uploading it to our #bellringing social media so my friends can see that we’re still alive and doing something. There are those who would ordinarily be ringing with us but can’t at the moment. The majority of towers still aren’t ringing at all, so we’re lucky that the 2 of us can at least do something. It seems to be well appreciated by the Cathedral, and we’ve had some comments from the public on our social media sites saying that they miss the sound of the bells, or that they heard us ringing our 2 bells.

We ring in short 5 or so minute bursts between about 10am and 10.30am, immediately prior to the morning service that is live streamed on the Cathedral’s social media. I don’t think that any of our ringing has featured at all, as we’ve generally finished and wound our way down the spiral stairs just as the service starts. We hope that the local community find some solace in the hearing of the bells and that the church is still “open”.

We will continue to do our bit as long we as are able, and we wait patiently for when the time comes that we are able to welcome our bellringing colleagues back and we can ring on more bells and make a joyful sound.

Let me eat cake

I follow multiple cake bakers social media in an attempt to get ideas on future cake designs and to see what the latest trend is.

Trouble is, there are so many beautiful designs and styles that every time I see a photo I think “oh that’s nice” then 2 seconds later see another one and “oh thats nice too”. To the point where its actually quite confusing now.

Apart from the fact that no one is needing cake made right now, I might not be able to get supplies in and I’ll have to make do with what I’ve got. I suppose I could order stuff in but as I can’t decide what to do, I don’t know what to order.

If I made a cake just for my own pleasure, I have my favourite colour scheme and think I would probably make something with some classic flowers on. I have some annual leave so will have the time to make them. I’m thinking a large peony and some roses and fillers. I have a tonne of new sprinkles to try out too so it would be good to incorporate them as well.

There’s Valentines Day, mine and C’s birthdays and our wedding anniversary coming up so maybe time to have a play.

I do find cake decorating quite therapeutic as you have to concentrate on what you’re doing. Its all absorbing. And of course there’s a reward at the end of it. I just have to make the time.

Is it too pretentious to make myself a cake?

Lost and found

You know when you know you have something, and you know where you last saw/used it, but for the life of you can’t find it when you need it next? That was me and a set of colouring pens.

Now, we’re not talking anything deep and philosophical or anything like that. We’re talking a set of colouring pens that I wanted, because I wanted to use a different colour, other than blue or black biro, to mark something off so that it was more visible.

I’ve had a set of colouring pens for ages, and I kept them with the squared paper that I used to write out #bellringing methods when I was learning something new. Every bell was assigned its own colour and I would draw out each lead end so I could see when a different place bell started. I’ve kind of moved on from doing that so much these days and use other methods for learning new methods that seem to work.

The pens however, were last seen with the squared paper, on the pile of books and magazines that are in the cubby hole to the left of where I sit on the sofa. That’s where they’ve always been and had no need to be moved anywhere else.

I have a nice new set up in our study with a new desk, chair, my laptop set up and my Holhem gimble ready and poised, and a nice shiny new stationery holder. The stationery holder currently has my post it notes, my favourite couple of writing pens, a calculator, my business card holder safely ensconced. There’s any empty slot shouting out for something to fill it. The colouring pens would do marvellously, and then they would be at hand for me to mark off things on my events calendar. But where the heck are they?

Having decided to look for said colouring pens two minutes before a video conference meeting was due to start, and not finding them instantly, I sat wondering for a while as the attendees for the meeting arrived. Hmmmph!

Meeting over, I then had several actions as a result and some other things to immediately attend to, so the search for the illusive colouring pens dropped out of my mind for a while. Then I went to sit down in my spot on the sofa and suddenly remembered that I had a mission to accomplish. Find those ruddy colouring pens. They’ve got to be there somewhere.

Books and magazines start to get launched out of the way. They can’t be far. They shouldn’t be anywhere else. They shouldn’t be this far down the heap. After a full on three minutes of frustration, I flopped back in my sofa seat. Grrrr. Where are those blasted pens?

Oh, hang on. There’s a couple of books in the pile that have fallen over. I’ll just put them upright again. Oh, and hallelujah! There are the prodigal pens. Hiding in the blackness of under the small coffee table that nestles amongst all these books and magazines. Hoorah!

I happily skip (well, more like lumber) off back to the study, tip the pens out of their zipped, plastic casing and decide upon which colour to use as my marker. Then, rather satisfyingly, plop them all into the waiting vacant slot in my stationery holder. Having used the red pen to mark off my events calendar, I add that to the collection, then sit back to admire my handy work.

The simple pleasures!

Adrenaline Junky

Nothing like a crisis to get the adrenaline going. Its all going a bit Pete Tong at the moment with former colleagues dying due to Covid-19 and staff off with either positive results or self-isolating, meaning that the service is about to fall on its knees. However, a few strategically placed phone calls and lots of toing and froing has resulted in a bit of a plan that should help the situation a bit. Also some positive clinical engagement, which was fantastic.

I’m not usually one that responds very well to instant and urgent changes, and trying to solve immediate problems. I like to ruminate over things, check all the facts, formulate a plan, get everyone involved. Time was not on our side so this week, and today in particular, have been very much making things up on the hoof, last minute conversations and plans, no time to overly consult, only with those that are critical, put a series of actions together and BAM! I can head in to the weekend slightly more relaxed about the prospects of the week ahead.

I feel surprisingly buzzy about it all to be honest. The time has flown by, I’ve not been wondering what task to do next. I’ve jumped from one conversation to the next, to the next and to the next. I don’t think I could sustain that level of activity or focus for too long, and admire those that do and those that work in environments that require that fast paced thinking and problem solving.

When adrenaline kicks in it stimulates our “flight or fight” responses. When the body is flooded with adrenaline it helps focus and engages the brain, improving cognitive responses. A bit like a massive caffeine hit. Apparently, it can improve your eye sight as the pupils dilate, and improves respiration. Even after the triggering event there can be a residual feeling of high vigilance and excitement and can intensify those feelings. As well as a burst of energy and strength the immune system gets a little boost too. (https://www.mentalfloss.com/article/71144/8-reasons-little-adrenaline-can-be-very-good-thing)

So, having started the day with the sad news of another colleague dying and not feeling like I wanted to really do much, at the end of the working day, I’m now bursting with energy and enthusiasm. Just as well as I’m hosting a virtual #bellringing session tonight and had better be on my A game.

What’s stopping you from letting go?

Another one of those self-awareness quizzes (I’m getting quite in to them now) was all about what’s stopping you from letting things go and moving forward. This could be an incident that keeps holding you back, lack of self-confidence, lack of imagination, capability or opportunity.

So having answered the obligatory 10 questions – why do they feel the need after question 4 and question 8 to let you know that you are now 40% and 80% complete? – it spewed out my results:

Self-Awareness

Ruminating can become habitual, the go-to place for your mind to wander. But constantly rehashing old arguments, decisions or events keeps them live and fresh. Next time you find yourself sucked into an overthinking spiral, check in with how you feel. If your mood has taken a downturn or you’re feeling anxious, your thinking is not helping you resolve anything. Increasing self-awareness by making time every day to do a mindfulness exercise can help you get into the habit of observing the stories your mind is telling you without getting sucked into them. Try starting your day with a mindful shower – focus on feeling all the sensations and smells. When your mind wanders, observe where it has gone without comment or analysis, then bring yourself back to the present. It may also help to schedule daily ‘worry time’ and park your overthinking until a specific time of day, preferably when you’re relaxed and in a good frame of mind. If, when worry time comes around, you don’t want to go over old stuff, that’s a bonus.

I do actually go over things, again and again, and try to understand the different nuances of what has happened, why it happened, what could have been done differently, how I could have reacted differently. I also spend a lot of time thinking about why am I spending so much time thinking about it. I often tell myself to move on.

I guess that I’m one of those who constantly beats myself up about things. There’s always something I could have done better, or should have done that I didn’t, or did that I shouldn’t have, or that I really ought to give more time to. I replay conversations over in my mind multiple times. “What if I’d have said this”? or “if they’d have said that I could have…” and so on.

I’m not sure that I want to schedule a daily worry time, as there are some days when I don’t overly worry about anything in particular, and I’m not sure that you can necessarily schedule it. Things that will cause worry that are triggered by other things and can happen at any time. I might be in the middle of one thing and something on the radio or that I’ve read will trigger my brain to relive a previous worry.

I try to learn from previous errors and hope not to repeat them (not always necessarily successfully) however, I do find it really hard to forget about them and move on, even when a solution has been found, agreed and implemented. I will stew over it, even after some considerable time.

I guess I need to learn how to deal with it in the moment, resolve whatever it is, and then move on. Step away. Park it. Easier said than done.

How adventurous are you?

I do not think I’m the adventurous type at all. I like home comforts. I like routine. I like to know what I’m doing and when so that I can plan around it. I’m not particularly great at trying new experiences. Although I did do an abseil once. I did go skiing when I was at school. I do like to travel and see different places. And I did make my husband do husky sledging a few years back. But I’m not spontaneous, or good at thinking of what others might see as exciting things to do.

So, I thought I’d try and find out what the experts say about whether I’m an adventurous sort or not and turned to one of those on line quizzes that thinks its gets to know all about you and your preferences by asking you a mere 10 multiple choice questions. According to the results:

You are excited by new experiences

Cosmopolitan, smart and savvy, above all, you get your kicks from interesting experiences. You flourish when your mind and senses are nourished and flounder in a cultural vacuum. The buzz of a new exhibit, the hush as the theatre curtain parts, or the flavours of a new cuisine all excite your palate and thrill your thoughts. For you, the conventional is dreary. Because you open yourself up to a wide array of artistic and intellectual interests, your world is ever expanding.

Well, as it happens, yes I do like the theatre. We do try to at least make an annual trip to see a West End show each Christmas time (2020 being the exception) and if anything else takes our fancy in the mean time we’d go along. I do like to learn new things and educate myself. I enjoy certain types of museums and exhibits and enjoy a good National Trust property or English Heritage site. I do like eating, so trying new things from time to time is good, and when we are on holiday abroad I do like to try something that might be considered local cuisine (so long as its not fish!).

So I might not be adventurous in the sense that I like to do extreme things like water sports (I have a phobia of water so that’s not going to work), or bungee jumping, or fast paced stuff, I’m more of a slow, steady adventurer. I’m less keen on the “let’s do something crazy” and go for more of the “let’s plan a nice trip out”.

A while back I did do a year (and am probably still doing it) of saying “yes” to everything that came my way. This was both exciting to take on new challenges but worrying as some of the things I was asked to do put me in the spotlight, somewhere I’m not comfortable with. However, it did give me a chance to connect with new people, and has stretched my own learning and capacity. The downside is that I now get involved in lots of things that I can’t always give sufficient time to. So there’s a fine balance needed.

So, maybe I am unconventionally adventurous and my world is ever expanding, just slowly.