Is your self-opinion holding you back?

Image by John Hain from Pixabay

What do you think about when you think of yourself? Is your opinion of yourself holding you back>  When you start to think about yourself in a certain way, you start to believe its true, but how you see yourself shapes your choices and your life. This was the topic of the latest podcast I listened to from Tonya Leigh. 

I always felt I wasn’t clever enough.  I did ok at school but not great.  I scored a handful of O levels but not enough to do A levels or go to University.  I was even told at work once that I couldn’t have a particular role because I didn’t have a degree, despite the fact I was actually doing that role anyway because I was the only person there.  At the age of 40 the opportunity came along to do a part time degree course in Business Management which took five years.  Straight after that I did a two year Masters in Senior Healthcare Leadership.  Seven years of study and two degrees and I still don’t think I’m smart. 

Here’s the deal though.  You get to decide what you believe about yourself.

TL suggested writing down what you believe about yourself, some of it will be good and others bits terrible.  Looking at the negative opinions about yourself ask if you would deliberately choose it.  If it was a choice we could choose more wisely.  By cultivating a strong self-opinion you aspire to see within yourself, you get to decide, on purpose, how you want to think about yourself.

Once you’ve decided what you want your opinion of yourself to be, you need to look for and create evidence for it.  Other people may not agree with your opinion of yourself, but it’s not up to them. You get to decide.

The more evidence you create the more deep rooted the beliefs become.  Mistakes will happen along the way, but don’t let that be the reason to think you’re not what you believe.  Don’t let perfectionism stop you.

Some may accuse you of being delusional.  We all are.  Every day every one of us interprets the day through our belief system.  Try to interpret the world that supports what you want to believe about yourself.

Most people look to the past to support the beliefs that no longer serve them, but in order to create the future you’ve never had, you’ll need to think thoughts you’ve never thought and create evidence from there.  As you start to practice and create that evidence you can be inspired to show up, take action and go for what you want.

Some of my major beliefs about myself are that I’m not clever (in the sense of being able to hold intelligent conversations about what’s going on in the world, art, literature, politics and the important things in life), I’m overweight, not pretty, not a good wife, mother, daughter, sibling and that people don’t like me. I would like to believe I’m the opposite of all of those but some are harder to achieve than others.  Whilst I can start to develop better relationships, I believe that I can’t be clever in the sense of holding intelligent conversations and knowing about the world. Some of those worldly things just don’t interest me so I don’t read about them or learn about them.  I am resigning myself to trying to be happy in my body. There’s nothing I can do about my face without major surgery so I’m stuck with it and so are others.  My weight I have some control over, and is it the end of the world that I’m slightly overweight?  Getting people to like me, for me is harder.  I think that I’ve been pigeon holed into being someone that others don’t like for so long, getting other people to change their perspective is harder.  I’ve often been told that I’m come across as harsh when people first meet me, but once people get to know me a bit better I’m actually kind and caring.  My boss and I describe me as an armadillo (crunchy on the outside, fully in the middle (see early Dime bar adverts)). A leopard can’t change its spots, right?  Or can it?

What believe have you been holding about yourself and how does it impact your behaviour?  What would you rather believe about yourself?  Imagine holding this new belief and how would you show up differently?


One thought on “Is your self-opinion holding you back?

  1. My knee jerk response to that is, why does it matter what others think? As long as you know you’re a good person, why should it matter that you don’t look or act like social expectations? I’d much rather you remain your individual self than be a sheep or clone! And what about your self talk? You wouldn’t say those things to a friend so why say them about yourself? But, I also feel as you do. Why don’t people like me? I also am not interested in events enough to hold serious conversations. In fact I feel unable to contribute when siblings start talking of industry or work environments and am left feeling like the dunce at family events, just because I choose not to be part of the rat race. Doesn’t mean I don’t have opinions or am uninteresting. I thought there was a movement for body images to be more diverse but I guess we haven’t fully embraced that yet. Keep on being your individual self. Those people and things that are meant to be part of your life, will be, but less of the derogatory chat please 🤗


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