2 Words that will turn your life into a fine romance

We are taught from a very early age to say thank you for an act of consideration or kindness. A thank you shouldn’t be reserved for teaching children good manners or only people or extravagant things. Life generally deserves a huge thank you. We are offered gifts every day we often take for granted. As an adult we can act like a spoiled child when we forget our manners.

Thank yous can be much more powerful than an “I hate this”. We sometimes think we have to have something in order to change or resist it. This attitude keeps you stick with circumstances that never change. A grateful heart will attract more into your life than you imagined.

Life hands you gifts all the time, from the simple every day things, like getting a text message from your adult child asking if the loaf of bread she’s just made looks cooked enough. You got the text. You had the technology for your adult child to reach out to you. They wanted to reach out to you. They have learned the skills to bake bread to feed themselves. They can be self-sustaining because you taught them how to look after themselves.

If you gave someone a gift and they complained about it, wouldn’t you consider them rude? In a world where we want more, faster, we fail to see all that we already have.

How would you feel if you stopped to notice the daily treasurers in your life that you’ve been overlooking? Look around you and notice all you have. When we say thank you to life we start to fall in love with our lives as it is, in this moment. The more you love life, the more life loves you back.

Make how you feel the number one priority and gratitude can help shift your state of being.

Podcast fave Tonya Leigh suggested setting yourself a seven day thank you challenge. There is so much to be grateful for. Say thank you to the simplest moments, sometimes out loud, sometimes inwardly. She offered some examples:

Thank you for the food on the table, a sunrise and sunset, waking up and taking a breath, the trees as they turn beautiful autumn colours, the ability to see, feel, smell, hear and taste, a body that allows you to experience life, running water.
Thank you for the things you wanted and now have: relationships, work, family, home.
Thank you for the things you get to experience: long walks, cooking a lovely meal, writing, reading, watching a film, meeting friends, travel.
Thank you for the things you used to complain about: laundry – be grateful for the clothes that you get to wear and the ability to keep them clean and fresh. Taking out the rubbish – be thankful that the dustmen come round each week to collect it from your house. Your body – it’s what make you uniquely you.
Thank you for things ahead of time for things yet to be experienced: planning a trip, spending time with friends, a romantic night out.

Its human nature to want more but if you can’t appreciate what you already have, why do you deserve more?

I always make a point of saying thank you for the simple things in life. I say thank you to C every evening when he dishes up a fresh home cooked meal, or does the laundry, or fixes something. I thank R for letting us come to see her and wanting to spend time with her parents. I thank friends and colleagues for their sage advice and support. I thank people for turning out to come #bellringing with me. I always make a point of thanking the kitchen and domestic staff when I stay in hotels. I thank people for holding a door open for me. I thank the delivery driver who not only delivers our office stationery, but puts it away in the cupboard for me even though it’s not his job. I thank the woman in the office who every morning says that my homemade biscoff pancakes I reheat in the microwave, smell delicious.

What deserves a thank you in your life?

Style Guru

Someone (you know who you are) came over to see me today and very kindly brought me belated birthday gifts. They were brilliant, thank you. However, it was what she was wearing that got most of my attention.

It looked like she’d just had her hair done, but she professes to have coloured it at home. It looked like it had recently been cut too, but she swears not. She was wearing a fabulous coat. It was blue with white checked lines, a belt and collar. To be honest, she looked very glamourous in it, not that she doesn’t always look fab, but this was really rather special.

All the while we sat and chatted I was thinking “I want that coat”. I offered a very sincere compliment on it and how it looked on her and she told me where she’d bought it from. I’m going to google it later.

But do I need another coat? Probably not. I have several lightweight jackets. I have what I call my autumn jacket, one that is slightly thicker than but not as heavy as a winter jacket. I have a winter jacket. I have a winter coat. I have a rain coat. I have a posh long coat. I probably don’t need another one. But it did look good.

It looked good on her, but would it have looked that good on me? I don’t know. We are different body shapes, height, hair colour and skin tone, so maybe it suited her style better. Maybe I’d just look like a beached whale in it.

I’m trying to inject some colour into my wardrobe as quite a significant amount of it is black or white. I’m trying to find more stylish items rather than the functional or office style. I’m buying more things I can mix and match with other things. I’m trying to move away from the same old stuff. I did actually see a photograph of someone in a bright pink trouser suit the other day and I thought she looked fantastic. I actually felt that I wanted that suit too. Last summer I did buy a bright blue suit, which is very different for me, and I wore it to work a few times and got some really nice compliments.

I think the problem is I’m not really sure what my style is. I like comfort but I like to be smart when I’m at work. I used to wear skirts and dresses but for about 15 years or so I probably have only wore a skirt or dress a handful of times. I have some long dresses that I wear to formal dinners, but that’s all I have in the wardrobe now. Everything else is trousers. I have a long body which makes some styles impossible to wear despite the fact that they might be flattering for my girth!

I think I like an urban casual look. Something fairly soft and comfy with an occasional edge to it. I’m slowly amassing that kind of wardrobe. But every now and then I want a statement piece. Maybe the coat could be this years’ statement piece.

Birthday boy

10 days ago I celebrated my 50th birthday and C pulled out all the stops for a lockdown special day. Today it was my turn to spoil him a bit.

A little bit more awkward as I had to go to work but we started with cards and presents. Lots of good things had arrived from family. Beer, a photobook, a sweet and cake selection, a mystery gift that he has to log into on the computer for, bumper box of Hotel Chocolat treats. I bought him a book about a bellringer who he used to ring with when he was at university and a set of e-bells. The e-bells are so we can ring handbells on the virtual #bellringing platforms. They haven’t arrived yet as there’s a bit of a backlog but I’m sure he’ll have fun when they arrive.

He’s had to amuse himself during the day but I did manage to get off work early.

He usually cooks dinner and we would ordinarily go out for a meal on birthdays but as we can’t do that I suggested I’d treat him to a take out. He opted for a curry and we both went for something different from the menu. He had one of his birthday beers to go with it.

I’d made a small cake, not very extravagant, but stuck a candle on it and took obligatory photo to send to all of his children.

He doesn’t do social media but many people have posted birthday wishes on my media, which I’ve shared with him and for which he’s grateful.

He’s not one for big displays or being the centre of attention but he’s worth it. Happy birthday Mr C. 💞

That was the week (or 2) that was

The end of my 2 weeks annual leave has arrived. Monday morning sees the return to the office. Have I had a good holiday? Do I feel relaxed and rejuvenated?

Yes, I’ve had a good couple of weeks off, considering. I don’t particularly feel relaxed or rejuvenated thought. But I suspect that’s to do with the fact that we’re in lockdown and we can’t go anywhere or do anything or see anyone.

If we have been able to do things, I might have felt more energised. As it was, I spent most of the week not venturing far from home.

The first week I took the opportunity to undertake an online Mindfulness course. This was quite interesting and useful, but not something that I’ve suddenly found enlightenment from. It did give me some focus for a few days.

I had 7 virtual #bellringing sessions during the fortnight, some which I ran. I watched a funeral online. I attended 4 meetings and 1 virtual dinner. In between, I did some reading, played some games on my tablet and celebrated my 50^th birthday, lockdown stylee.

I did spend some time, quite purposefully, doing not a lot. C still did all the housework and cooking.

This sort of gave me an insight to what life might be like at a time when I could give up paid work completely. However, if that was the case, things would happen very differently. I would see a fair distribution of household labour. I would also probably do some form of exercise, whether down the gym or online stuff at home, or more walking at least. I would definitely do more baking and cooking. I do miss that a little bit.

I’ve had a good couple of weeks off and enjoyed not having to get up early and go to an office and get grief all day. I’m sure that feeling will be short lived when I open the office door.

A million thank yous

So I’m now 50. The Big five oh. So far so good.

Our original thoughts were to have been having a nice holiday, Italy, Venice were mentioned but of course we couldn’t do that. However my epically wonderful hublet and most favouritest other person daughter R made it really special, as did everyone else who contributed cards, messages and gifts.

I have enough flowers to open my own floristry shop. Fortunately the last lot to be delivered came in their own vase, we’d run out by then.

Then there were chocolates, wine, prosecco,. Even biscuits from my favourite little mate who calls me “biscuit”. Book tokens, West End theatre evoucher, chocolate tasting experience, gift voucher for a cake class with my favourite cake teacher.

Beautiful earrings, necklaces, candles, books on things to do now I’m 50, and a mahoosive lunch/ afternoon tea that was too much food for one sitting. One necklace rom R was of all our birthstones, aquamarine (February), amethyst (March) and Ruby (July).

Balloons that were sneakily made up in the garage, and a chocolate cake to die for delivered having been approved of by R.

Lots of messages, lots of cards and a video chat with my big bruv in the morning and a lovely video chat with R later on in the day.

I feel thoroughly spoilt and am extremely grateful for everyone’s participation.

We’ll go travelling next year when there’s even more to celebrate, our 25th wedding anniversary and R’s 25th birthday.

Might need to take about 3 months off work for that. 😄

Power cuts

When I was very much younger power cuts were a regular occurance. This was generally due to coal minors working to rule because of pay cuts.

We’d get the candles out from the cupboard under the kitchen sink and play cards or read by candlelight or talk. I don’t really remember much about them being a particular problem, but then as a kid it probably made no difference to my world. I guess if you were trying to work, or cook dinner for the family, or in the middle of something really important it would be really annoying.

During adult life when there’s been power cuts its often a case of a tripped switch, so a quick rummage in the cupboard under the stairs to sort it out. Maybe a dodgy fuse in an appliance.

We had a proper power outage this evening. The whole street went out. It was actually quite exciting in a way. Oooo, wonder what’s caused that? How long is it going to last?

Rather disappointingly, it was only a matter of about a minute before everything kicked back on again. And these days you can check on line to see what happened.

This evening’s little darkened interlude was brought to us by engineers carrying out emergency repairs to the network. By the looks of things there’s been a power cut nearby for some considerable time that is still not sorted, so our little blip may have been connected.

Makes you think about things that we take for granted and only notice when they go wrong. Every day lights go on, kettles boil and water gets heated. I know we pay our bills for that privilege. We never say thank you for making sure that the lights go on, the kettle boils and the water is hot. We only complain when it doesn’t.

Some of the roles I’ve had at work in the past have been a lot like that. You never get thanked for doing a good job every day, you just get complaints when it doesn’t happen properly.

I remember saying at the interview I had when I applied for my Masters course that a patients journey has so many interactions that shape a patients view of the care they’re going to receive, that could go wrong at any stage, with the organisation before they even get to say hello to a clinician.

Firstly the patient needs to get there, so there needs to be good public transport or parking facilities. When they arrive they walk through grounds that need to be maintained. Then walk into a building that needs to be upright, light, heated and equipped. Then either see a receptionist or a self serve totem that means having a computer system that works. Then, maybe if they’re early for their appointment they go for a coffee, so that needs to be avaliable, then of course they’ll need a wee so toilets need to be cleaned and serviced. Then, when they get to the clinic area, their notes are miraculously available, whether paper or electronic. All of that before anyone has said hello.

But we never say thank you for all that. We just take it for granted and complain when any of that system doesn’t work to our liking.

Going Potty

During the first lockdown our daughter came back home to stay for a couple of months whilst she was furloughed. Along with her came at least a dozen pot plants. Sadly her larger ones that had to be left behind didn’t make it.

Whilst she was at ours she decided to do something constructive so undertook a free on line course about houseplants. She really got into it and every time we went for our daily exercise walk she’d talk about various types of plants and where they’re from and best suited etc. And every time we went anywhere near a shop she’d buy another plant. Even from the supermarket when doing the food shopping. Soon our house was getting over run.

For the last couple of years she’s given me plants for birthday, Christmas and Mothering Sunday. They usually come accompanied by a small piece of paper with hand written information about the plant. And some even have names. Howard the aspidistra is a firm favourite along with Monica the Japonica.

For Christmas we couldn’t spend the time together as we’d hoped so she sent our presents directly. Then she was concerned that the main present wouldn’t arrive in time so sent another one by next day delivery. Well, they both arrived in time and of course were both pot plants.

She’d even paid extra for a lovely outer pot for one of them which according to what she’d been told would be big enough. Well of course it wasn’t, but no matter, we can use it for a different plant instead.

Anyway, one of the plants already seems a bit pot bound and is distorting the shape of the pot its in, so we need to repot it.

His nibs decided that we would use our daily exercise to walk to B&Q to get some new pots and more potting compost. Sounds like a good plan. Kill two birds with one stone. It was only 2 degrees outside so I got dressed up in my big winter coat, hat, scarf and gloves.

Started off ok, nice pace, nippy around the edges but not too bad. Now B&Q isn’t exactly around the corner. The round trip there and back was 6.7 miles and took us 2 hours 22 minutes. And on the way back I was carrying the compost.

By the time we’d almost got home, my arms felt like they were going to drop off, my legs were giving up and I was actually now incredibly warm.

Just for a ruddy pot. This plant better like its new home once its been repotted. I for one can’t move now.

Start as you mean to go on

New Years Day morning. A new year ahead that hasn’t been written yet. C made a cooked brunch. I could get used to that 😋.

This year will mark a significant birthday for me. The day this blog is uploaded will mark 50 days until I turn 50. I don’t have any issues with turning 50, it is but a number after all.

The 12 months before I turned 40 I kept a daily diary. I did think of doing something similar for the year that I turned 50 but somehow never got round to it. I guess you could say that I’ve used this blog as a sort of diary, although there’s lots that I haven’t written in a blog that I would have written in a diary.

Starting a new year and a new decade of life gives me the opportunity to start afresh and start as I mean to go on. I could get used to C cooking me breakfast every day but thats not practical or too good for my health. I could take this opportunity to establish some new habits. Start or do more of the things that I ought to do better and drop things that I should not, do less of or that self sabotage.

I read somewhere on line recently that it can take from 18 to 254 days to form a new habit and an average of 66 days for a new behavior to become automatic. Now, I’m not one for New Years resolutions, but I have 50 days to do 50 things that will have a positive habit forming effect on my life to take me into my 50s.

Where to start? Drop me some suggestions 👇

2020 Review of the Year

OK, so let’s join the band wagon of a review of the last year. After all, its been a very different kind of year. Every aspect of every part of life has been impacted one way or another.

Career – started the year thinking it was going to be another year of same old, same old. For the first 3 months that’s exactly how it was. When covid hit it put a lot of things into perspective and I made a decision that, to be honest, had been brewing a while. An opportunity came along to get back into project management, albeit on a secondment. I had to take it for my own sanity. Even though I didn’t start in the new role until December, the thought of it being there was enough to see me through some really horrible months.

Ringing – various ups and downs along the way. Normal routine of Sunday service, monthly quarter peals and weekly practices turned into nothing at all, then maybe 5 people of a Sunday but no practices, then down to just the 2 of us. It looked like we could have gone back up to 5 again for Christmas Day but at the last minute it was not to be. At first I didn’t want to embrace the virtual world of #bellringing. It just didn’t seem worth it. But by May I was running my own weekly practice for family and friends, joining in the odd other online practice and starting to run a monthly district practice and organise a monthly 10 bell practice. Taking full advantage of ringing methods that I wouldn’t normally get to ring in a tower.

Home life – I suppose this is where its hit hardest. We haven’t been able to gather as a family for all the usual events. Mum’s 80th birthday, the May “counting”, R’s birthday, Dad’s birthday. No holiday, no ringing weekends. No visits to North Lincolnshire or Hemel Hempstead or Nottingham. No Cake International Show. We did manage to get a couple of day trips to see R when we were all allowed to mix in small groups again but towards the end of the year it became impossible again. We did set up a regular fortnightly family Skype so we could all keep in touch and at least see each other on a screen if not in person.And of course Christmas was very different. No car boot present swap, no drinking Baileys with R. Just a low key day with C, and chatting with family on Skype.

Cakes – as we haven’t had the usual gathering I’ve not needed to bake as many cakes. I did make a small one for mum’s 80th, a friends 60th and Dad’s birthday, but they only needed to be small ones. I have tried some other bakes instead and been mostly up to date with my BakedIn boxes. I’ve tried a few other recipes too, and did manage to get to a socially distanced class with my favourite teacher at @thecupcakeoven to learn how to make cakecicles and heart gems. I didn’t need to make a Christmas cake as we’re not massive fans of it and we got so much food in the hampers that people sent us. I’m hoping that there’ll be more opportunity for cake in 2021.

I suppose I’m quite fortunately really in that I’ve still been able to go to work and keep some semblance of routine. I’m reasonably tech savvy so have been able to embrace video conferencing and Ringing Room. And of course, the most important bit is that I have managed to stay healthy, as has the rest of the family.

Nothing is going to dramatically change as the clock strikes midnight and a new year starts. But there is hope on the horizon. My colleagues are going through an incredibly tough time and are on their knees trying to keep everyone else healthy but with little support and those idiots that flout the rules and put everyone else at risk. But I do have a sense that we will come out of this the other side. Things will be different and we won’t go back to the way things were, or at least I hope not. We have proven that we can work and play differently.

Overindulgence just for one day

Why is it over the Christmas period apparently its ok to eat food, snacks, drink tons of alcohol, and generally put on your own body weight in food again? Essentially, its one day. Essentially its just like having a Sunday roast. So why do we obsess over all the additional stuff?

Don’t get me wrong, I do it too. I love all the special foods that they only seem to bring out at Christmas. I could eat a whole plate of pigs in blankets. I can shovel food in my face until the point of feeling physically sick at the thought of another “wafer thin mint” (see Monty Python sketch in The Meaning of Liff).

I don’t tend to eat breakfast so Christmas morning was just a cup of coffee for me. We had to go ringing so wouldn’t have had time for much else anyway. When we got home, we had more coffee and 2 mince pies (seemingly extra large ones from the bakery stall in town) whilst we were on the family Skype. We had a 3 bird roast, enough to fed 4, and all the trimmings for lunch. We had half the meat for Christmas day and will have the other half for Sunday lunch. That was washed down with a bottle of Moet & Chandon that we’ve had for a while. Then followed by an epic chocolate orange cheesecake that I’d made. The recipe said that it made 12 servings. We’ve cut it into 6!

We have hampers of food that family members have been generous to send, and chocolates etc that people have given as gifts. I couldn’t even look at it. After such a lunch, I couldn’t eat again. I stuck to water for the rest of the day, and only at about 9pm did I have another mince pie (they need to be eaten before they go stale). Couldn’t possibly eat another thing.

I weigh myself every day. I know you’re not supposed to so that, but it helps keep me focused from day to day. On Christmas morning I had already put on 4lb in the week due to additional snacking and the Christmas Eve curry we’d eaten the night before. On Boxing Day the scales of doom said that I’d actually lost 1lb since Christmas morning.

I’m not going to obsess about going on a diet just yet as there’s too much food in the house to consume yet. But once the overindulgence is done it’ll be time to refocus, and be more considerate about those who were unable to have a hot Christmas day meal.