1 Question to ask when you’re in the in-between

The in-between is where your identity has not yet caught up with your reality you’ve created. To keep up you need to continually back and forth where you identity shifts a little bit then you shift and create results but someone in us is the old identity so we take a few steps back into the familiar. This can be associated to any kind of change: financially, personal growth, weight, whatever. To achieve success at it you need to practice new thoughts and feelings about creating new ways. You need to become that person on the inside in order to become that person on the outside.

Podcast fave Tonya Leigh suggested this doesn’t happen overnight and we’re often in a hurry to make want those changes overnight. It takes practice and sometimes years before you finally get to the point where its integrated enough and its now just who you are.

We self-sabotage by running through those doubting questions in our heads “what if it’s too good to be true?”, “what if I can’t keep this up”? “who do you think you are”? “Its too hard”, “you look silly”. You need to be so committed to your change to be able to keep moving through those doubts if you want to continue to grow and evolve and see what you’re capable of. The pay-off is this awkward in-between stage.

The hardest part of the in-between is the discomfort of letting go of an old identity. TL suggested imagining you have two lines, one above the other, you are at the bottom line right now, but as you start to go towards to top line there’s a space in between. The closer you get to the new identity the more uncomfortable it gets and the tendency is to want to revert to what’s familiar. Muster up the courage to keep going towards that top line. The question that TL poses to people in that in-between space is:

“What would my most expansive self do right now?”

If you want to continue to grow and evolve it will require that you stop contracting your energy. When you’re in the in-between you’ll experience periods of both growth and contraction but when you feel yourself contracting ask yourself that question.

Go to the place of where you want to be and practice being that person, expansive version of yourself. If you think something long enough and feel something often enough and do things to reinforce it eventually that will become your new norm; that upper line TL talked about. You get good at what you practice most.

What do you want to get good at and are you practicing it? Are you willing to wade through the in-between of letting go of old identities and practicing the new ones to the point where it becomes normal.

Know that when you’re feeling awkward and have those two voices battling it out over whether you’re being a fraud or whether you’ve got this and to keep going, remember you get to choose which one to listen to.

Know that this in-between feeling is a normal part of the process. Nothing has gone wrong when you’re having a sort of identity crisis, it is part of the process of change. Be courageous enough to walk through it.

I can ring a rainbow

In recent years #bellringing repertoire has begun to be referred to in different coloured zones. The green zone for those starting in rounds, call changes and plain hunting. The blue zone for those who have mastered plain bob, Grandsire and similar. The red zone for those progressing from Cambridge Surprise Minor, with the infamous black zone for the high fliers ringing beyond Bristol Surprise Maximus.

I won’t ever reach the dizzying heights of the black zone, partly because I don’t have the brain capacity, but also lack of opportunity, and if I’m honest, I probably just don’t want to.

I am comfortably in the maroon zone as I can ring some Surprise Minor and Major methods. On the way through I’ve rung in the green, cyan, blue and purple zones.

Last week a few of us were discussing methods we used to ring on a practice night when all the right people turned up. I’ve rung quarters of Superlative Surprise Maximus, Swindon Surprise Royal, Anglia Surprise Royal and London Surprise Royal. At the moment we can just about get through half a course of Cambridge or Yorkshire Surprise Royal.

I would like to get back to ringing other Surprise Royal and Maximus but need the right calibre of ringers to be able to do that. In the meantime I’m quite enjoying a spread of methods well in the maroon zone. A bit beyond Cambridge Surprise Minor and a few different eight bell methods.

Perhaps the definitions between the red and black zones need to be established. I think there’s too much of a gap between them.

The Ringing World produced The Little Purple Ringing Book for those transitioning from the blue to red zone. The ‘purple book’ has been fun to work through with my virtual #bellringing practice on a Thursday evening resulting in some quarter peals with firsts in methods for all.

It would be great if there was a follow up called The Little Maroon Book of Ringing. There’s often an assumption by the time you’ve mastered the red zone you should be competent to move onwards under your own steam. Personally, I’ll take all the help I could get thank you.

Whether Simon Linford’s new book The Core Seven and Beyond is an attempt to fill that gap I’m not sure, I’ve not seen its content. If you’ve seen it, let me know whats in it.

10 Life lessons learned

Podcast fave Tonya Leigh has been talking about learning life lessons from her early years as a pageant princess and how they translate to her life in adulthood. She suggested:

Following your dreams is uncomfortable. It takes practice to break through event when we’re scared, trying to hold it together. Practice and hard work pays off eventually. We procrastinate and divert ourselves because it’s uncomfortable to go after our dreams. Instead of shrinking from emotions, feel them, show up and do it anyway.
People will judge you. Make peace with it. People are always going to judge or compare you with others or themselves. You get to be a winner despite what others think. To avoid judgement you’d need to lock yourself away and never come out, but then someone would judge you for doing that too. Expect to be judged, that way you won’t be caught off guard. Their judgement says more about them than it does about you. What you think of you is what you should be more concerned with.
You will fail. Along that journey you will meet amazing people and learn more about yourself by continuing to get back out there. Ask what you failed at this week. Avoid getting cosy with only the things you succeeded at, but be comfortable with failure and what you learn from it.
Allow yourself to shine. Whether it’s on stage, in the kitchen or at the office, notice where your heart comes alive and have the courage to stand in your spotlight, even if you knees are shaking.
People may leave – let them go. Over time we lose friends but don’t let them stop you from doing the things you love. Don’t let that stop you doing your best. You don’t need to apologise for being you. Don’t dull your shine in order to fit in to be accepted. New faces will arrive that support you. Those who truly love you will stick by you and those that only love a version of you that you no longer want to be, will leave.
Be a queen and surround yourself with other queens. Stand tall and be proud of where you are. If you surround yourself with other queens, you won’t be in competition with each other because you’re all wearing a crown. Cheer each other on, call each other for support, enjoy being together. Believe in yourself, show up. It’s hard to find others who don’t feel the need to compete, who cheer each other on, who are supportive, focus on living a well lived life, who are like minded.
Miss Congeniality never wins. Being the nice girl, in with the in crown is hard work. Thinking that in order to be successful, people have to like you is not healthy. The reality of it is you can’t be effective if you’re struggling between your values and whether you’re like or not. Stop trying to win Miss Congeniality to serve yourself and others, start being Miss You. People will always challenge and disagree with what you’re doing. Be kind but don’t be nice to your own demise. Be true to yourself.
Jealousy and envy are toxic. Harbouring envy only hurts you. Learning from your jealousy can inspire you. If you’re jealous of who or what someone else is, learn from them. There’s nothing wrong with feeling envious but don’t let it tear you or the other person apart just to make you feel better. Look at what they are showing you that you want in your life, investigate where you’re holding yourself back, go out and get it. If you’re on the receiving end of jealousy it’s not about you. You’ve just triggered a deep desire in someone else. Extend compassion to those who are envious of you.
There’s more than enough success to go around. Another person’s success does not take away from yours. If we see someone else’s success we’re more likely to feel excited by it and inspired by it. Don’t use someone else’s success to play the victim in your own life. Celebrate others’ successes with them and see how it transforms your own life. What you throw out comes back. Don’t use your success to feel guilty. Be proud of yourself and what you’ve created. You did the hard work, felt uncomfortable, overcame setbacks and self-doubt, showed up and took action.
Your essence is everything. It doesn’t matter what you’re wearing or who is paying for your education, your essence is what owns your space with confidence and a head held high. Who you are being more important than what you’re wearing or doing.

I often worry about people judging me, but then I do fall into the trap of judging others. I am more conscious of when that happens now and try to stop myself before I say anything. I am better at recognising that judging someone can be hurtful.

I am not very good at shining. Someone once said to me that I inspired them. My imposter syndrome made me want to curl up and die. There’s nothing I do or say that could possible inspire anyone. I’m not that important, or clever.

I have let people go who no longer align with my values.

I do occasionally get jealous of other people, but then I try to remember they are only showing you the best version of themselves, the edited highlights. You don’t get to see the pain, emotion, financial issues or things they had to struggle with to get to where they are. I try to celebrate other people’s successes as much as possible and be happy for others achieve. I don’t think anyone has ever had cause to be jealous of me but I would hope that if I identified that, I would not be smug about it and show some humility.

I occasionally get praise for something but I find the whole thing embarrassing and usually shrug it off with “I’m just doing my job”. There are things that I’m proud of that I’ve achieved, but had it been someone else, I’d have been equally proud of them for doing it.

I am going through this whole journey of self-discovery, and still get things wrong sometimes. I am trying to own my space, be confident and hold my head up.

Which of these was hardest for you? Which one do you want to focus on practicing?

Know your knowledge

I love learning new stuff. About me, about the world around me, about things that support my career and hobbies, about what makes people tick. I’m the sort that would read a chunky document for that one snippet of something. I will Google how to do things. I will ask others how they did that.

I am currently trying to lose some weight, not that its working but that’s more to do with my commitment than anything else, so I invested in Noom. The app that uses psychology to support weight loss. It takes you through a raft of new skills learning and understanding your own responses to food. I have finished all the modules and now its taking me through development of a self experiment in order to determine factors that will support and sustain my weight loss. This morning’s “lesson” was all about knowledge.

There are different types of knowledge that we all experience from time to time:

A priori – things we just know that don’t require life experience to be considered true, like 2+2=4. No one argues about it. Its just true.
A posteriori – experiential knowledge gained through some basic level of understanding, like we know the earth orbits the sun.
Explicit – that knowledge gained through learning, reading around a subject.
Tacit – the stuff that you just know, like all the lyrics to ABBA or Queen songs that seemed to be hardwired at birth.
Propositional – the knowledge of facts that can be declared as statement, like the sun is larger than the earth.
Non- propositional – procedural knowledge that can be explained and used, like knowing how to walk.

We probably experience all of those methods virtually every day.

I remember a talk at a #bellringing event demonstrating the different ways people learn. The speaker had brought in his kayak and used people of different ages to demonstrate the different ways.

He used C as the older learner where he just verbally explained what to do and C got on with it (auditory). Then he used someone in their 20s and showed them what to do (visual). Then he used R, who must have been about 10 or so, and he demonstrated, then sat with her and did it together (kinesthetic).

I think I am a mix of all three. I can take verbal instruction, so long as its not overly complex, I can watch something then copy it as I have done many times recreating cakes. And I learn through working together through a problem. I guess it depends on what the problem is.

What type of knowledge have you learned from and what type of learner are you?

Discovering my creativity

I have never been what might be traditionally considered a creative person. I cannot draw or paint, I cannot write poetry or prose, I cannot create beautiful crafts or a tranquil garden. I have tried different crafting activities before, things like making my own cards, cross-stitching. I did them both for a while but soon lost interest. I make cakes from time to time but generally only if there is a need and I’m ok at making sugarpaste flowers, but cannot really do character moulding. I don’t think I do this often enough for it to be classed as my creativity outlet.

Having a creative hobby is supposed to help boost brain activity and help us cope with stress and promote positivity and wellbeing. How we think about our creativity though expands into it being something that you discover over time, or that you excel at but take for granted and do it without thinking.

An article I was reading recently suggested that we could discover our own creative outlet by asking what gives us meaning and brings joy, what situations are we drawn to, what makes us unique, what do our friends love about us and what we daydream about. This might be cooking, gardening, listening to others, making people smile or being really organised.

Once you have discovered what your outlet is think about how you excel at that and what it looks like to you, being proud of the attributes you have and how they set you apart from others. When we think outside the box and explore ways to expressing your talent we can discover different ways to experience this more often.

I have spent some time reflecting on these questions and I still haven’t found what my creativity is. If any of you feel moved to respond to the question of what my friends love about me, then feel free to drop a comment.

I am still exploring who I am and came across a short quiz (https://ideas.ted.com/quiz-whats-your-creative-type/ )that proposed to help discover what my creative type was, here’s the results:

Result: You’re an Artisan.

You believe that being creative is its own reward. You’re driven to find the right rhyme, brush stroke, chord progression or tap technique. You truly love what you do, and you feel grateful that you get to do it. You can sometimes get so immersed in what you’re doing that you forget about your loved ones. Your dedication to your work and your willingness to share the credit also make you a great collaborator.

Just remember: You have a tendency to fall down a creative rabbit hole when you’re endlessly deliberating and fussing about your artistic choices. You are generally good with external deadlines, but when you’re not given a deadline by a producer, editor or client, sometimes you can get lost. In these instances, you need to establish your own self-imposed deadline and — this is important — mini-deadlines too. You’ll have to fool yourself into thinking your work must be completed by a particular date. Ironically, practicing this self-deception shows that you’re being real with yourself and your tendencies.

https://bottomlineinc.com/life/self-improvement/the-five-creativity-types described the Artisan creative as:

happy to follow your creative pursuit even if no one ever knew about it or paid you for it.
live for those moments of flow when you are so absorbed in creating that you lose all awareness of time and place.
love the creative process even more than the finished product.

To maximize creativity and stay motivated…

Indulge your desire to study, deepen and perfect your craft. Having a greater repertoire of tools will increase your natural enjoyment of your art.
Collaborate. Artists whose skills are complementary to yours can boost your confidence and take your art in satisfying new directions.
Ask for fair compensation for your work—don’t just give it away. Artisans find the work itself so rewarding that they can happily put countless unpaid hours into their art—potentially putting themselves at financial risk.

I love to study and learn in an effort to whatever I do better, although don’t actually know what my “art” is. I like to find like-minded people to bounce ideas off and finding out other opinions and views. I am not money motivated, although it does come in handy. Fair assessment I’d say.

When your brain refuses to engage

Image by Thanks for your Like • donations welcome from Pixabay

I run a friends and family virtual #bellringing session on a Thursday evening. We have methods of the month, so we have four or five weeks to really get to grips with them. This has been successful to varying degrees. At the beginning of each month when we start new methods everyone is a bit tentative but its good to see that by the end of the month everyone is much more confident, and we can get plain courses round and even sometimes venture into touches.

For July I decided to try splicing two of the methods that we had previously rung rather than try to learn another new method. This was to help consolidate our learning of the previous methods and introduce some people to the concept of splicing methods together and getting to know the lead end order.

I, for one cannot recite lead end order of methods, not even the ones I know very well. Therefore, I do struggle a little when we splice some together, although I find it easier on tower bells than on virtual bells. I totally understand the theory of the place bell that you are at backstroke when the method is changed, but for some reason really struggle to see it on Ringing Room in either 5ths or 6^th place. I can see it better in 2,d 3rds and 4ths. This inevitable means that I go the wrong way, and there’s a bit of a hiatus and/or clash as the bell doing to opposite work is trying to do what they should be doing.

As with all of these new methods we are trying, I’m sure towards the end of the month it will be much improved. What was noticeable last week was that on the Thursday evening I really struggled, yet on the Friday morning at a different practice but ringing the same things, I got it so much better. Maybe it’s the difference between a practice in the evening after a day at work when my brain isn’t in gear, to first thing on a Friday morning, when its all fresh and keen. I don’t know.

It was lovely to see our “sometimes” visitor Will this week who we haven’t seen for a couple of months. He has an open invitation to come along when he can, so we never know if he’s going to show up or not, and he takes pot luck on what methods we are ringing, but it expert enough that it doesn’t matter to him. Apart from C and myself, he’s never met any of the others in our Thursday night group in person, but it’s lovely that everyone is welcoming and friendly, and he joins in with the post ringing chat. We’ve had some cracking conversations.

As with real ringing, there’s an element of apres ringing, in a virtual pub instead of the real thing, but C and I do take the opportunity to crack open a bottle of beer. It’s almost like the real thing.

Like so much else we are waiting for the chance to get back to real ringing, practice nights, quarters and peals… and the pub!

Am I making a good impression?

Must admit, this is something that evades me at times. I have been told that I have a resting bitch face, and that a lot of people find me scary on first meeting me. There’s a number of reasons for that but I suppose the combination of those two things don’t make for a good first impression.

The Young Entrepreneur Council suggested 10 things that improve a first impression:

Smile, it makes people happier – something I’m not naturally good at.
Be present, give the other person 100 % of your attention, put the phone away and listen. I’m ok with that one.
Be on time, be respectful of other people’s time – I am usually the other way, I turn up super early for things, I like to make sure technology is working if it’s a virtual meeting, or get there in plenty of time, I would rather be hanging about that be a minute late.
Be authentic, be yourself – I am very much “what you see is what you get”. If I don’t agree with you, I’ll tell you, I don’t try to be something I’m not, it takes too much energy.
Make eye contact, stand your ground but also so the other person they have your attention – I try to do this as much as possible but sometimes it’s difficult. It can be a bit creepy or appear confrontational. I worked with someone once who barely even opened her eyes when she spoke, let along looked you in the eye. She used to do this weird fluttery thing (not in a flirty way) that I found intensely irritating.
Show confident body language, moving slowly and confidently shows you take yourself seriously and confidently – I think I’m generally confident in how I move.
Ask questions, this shows you’re listening – I do ask questions, sometimes those questions that everyone else is thinking but don’t want to ask in case it makes them look stupid, I’m not afraid of that.
Put your phone away, be present – This is one of my pet hates. When people constantly look at their phone during pre-arranged meetings, especially when they are the one who instigated the meeting. It’s just rude.
Show sincere interest, explore others’ uniqueness – I try really hard to explore people’s skills and knowledge, but also what they want and where they want to go. I will help people progress, much to my own detriment when they go off for a better role elsewhere, but I’m pleased to have helped them on their way.
Exude warmth, make someone feel warm and fuzzy when they’ve left. Exuding that feeling through being exceedingly kind, staying ultra-engaged in what the other person is saying and staying authentic, you will be seen as a trustworthy and all-around good person – I probably need to work on that one. Some people leave a meeting with me with more knowledge, or supported, or valued, but I know I’m known for not being particularly warm and fuzzy.

I know that I can be judgy of other people, although I’m trying hard not to be so judgy, and I know others’ are judging me. How do I make them judge me with a good impression?

How to cut your audio learning to half the time

I have mentioned before that I subscribe to a number of different podcasts and am one of those people who have to listen to it from the very first episode. However, I don’t actually have much time to listen. I have started to plug my phone in to my car to listen on the way to and from work, much better than inane commercial radio, and I listen when I go out for a lunchtime walk. The chances are I will never catch up. I’m not really the sort that can listen whilst working. When I listen, I want to listen.

In 2010 tech blog GigaOm suggested “speed-listening to podcasts” as an overall time-saving technique. This involved resetting the playback speed. I was new to podcasts and didn’t know that my podcast player had such a function until my daughter told me about it. She listens to podcasts and audio books all the time. I can’t recall if I figured out how to change the setting myself or just passed her the phone to do it. The upshot is now that I listen to things at 1.5 speed.

This makes for interesting listening. With some podcasts the narrator is slow talking so 1.5 times faster doesn’t actually sound that bad at all. Others, where the narrator talks quickly anyway, just sound like their rattling along and you barely have time to distinguish the words. The intro music and any adverts that are part of the podcast can sound quite distorted at that speed to which is a bit off putting, so just as well I found the Forward 30 Seconds button. I skip through all that to get back to the content. There are some apps that will actively cut out white noise, intros and outros as well. I don’t know if mine does that, I might have to hand it to my daughter to figure out!

Even at 1.5 speed I still won’t ever catch up with the number of episodes that are in my queue.

I had a bit of a clear out recently. There are podcasts that I’ve listened to for over a year now and to be honest, they are starting to sound a bit samey. There were others that I’d downloaded and only ever listened to one or two episodes so clearly, I was never overly bothered by then. I had also downloaded a load of episodes from podcasts on businessy type areas and have never got around to listening to those either, so they got removed. There were others that sounded like a good idea at the time, but I no longer feel the same about the content.

I have probably removed about half of the 300+ queued episodes. Still a lot to get through.

“Thanks for the Feedback”

One of the best ways to learn is from feedback from others but it is useful to get the right feedback from the right people at the right time.

That’s not to say only as for feedback from those you know will give you a glowing report. We need to invite those with whom we have had less favourable experiences with. The most useful feedback is from those who work most closely with you; those who can actually observe your behaviour frequently.

A few years ago as part of my Masters I had to do a 360 degree feedback session. I invited several of my peers to give feedback, and that included someone, senior to me, who I thought I had a difficult relationship with. I wanted to explore that more and find out whether my perception of our relationship was the same as hers. To my surprise, she gave me really constructive, glowing feedback and even said that she was in awe of me. This from someone I thought had it all together and was the most capable person I could imagine. When I explained that I had invited her to participate as I felt that we didn’t have the best working relationship she was totally shocked. She felt that we got on really well and that as someone who reported in to her on certain tasks, I was the most reliable, capable person within the team. From that moment on, my relationship with her only go better. It is important though, that those who participate in giving feedback are encouraged to do so honestly and openly.

When asking for open, honest feedback we need to be open to the results. We might not always like what we see. It can be too easy to become defensive or discount the negative comments. It is worth noting though about how much value you place on that person’s opinion. You may have invited them to provide feedback, but are they the person who has most influence, or the person that you really need to get on side? After some negative feedback I received once, I shared it with a trusted colleague who asked me how much I needed to value that person’s view. It is after all just one person’s view and should be taken alongside everyone else’s and not be given more credence over the majority view that you get back from everyone.

The whole point of getting the feedback is to learn from it and decide what, if anything needs to be changed for the better and what you need to carry on doing. Picking out themes will help overcome the tendency to dwell on one comment. Get the general vibe from all responses rather than stick to one.

Then of course, you need to put this learning into action. Developing an action plan to help address some of the areas that need more work helps you understand your impact it has on others and what it means for you to become effective. Then plans need to be communicated with others, you might need buy in for your own line manager, or authorisation to attend a course. Monitoring progress and asking for further feedback along the way is also useful so that you and others can see progression.

One of the best books I’ve read on the subject of feedback is called Thanks for the Feedback by Douglas Stone and Sheila Heen. I read it shortly after a disastrous confrontation which, had I been less self-aware, may have resulted in me walking out. From it I developed an action plan to feedback to the person I had the confrontation with. I knew I had to do things differently, but so did they. The way they had treated and tried to humiliate me in front of others was unacceptable.

I ended up with a sheet of A4 with three columns:

How you made me feel
What I’m going to do
What you’re going to do

This particular person was very big on feelings; that you can’t change how someone felt about something. I told her exactly how she made me feel, warts and all. I admitted that there were things I could have done better and I listed some of those, they also included things like not being taken for granted anymore and not putting up with poor senior leadership. Then I shared with her a list of things that I thought she ought to do differently. Again, she was keen on the phrase “if you want a different outcome, you need a different input”, something she tried to apply to other people, just not herself. She was truly shocked. I think partly because I dared to suggest that she had also been in the wrong, but also I just don’t think she realised the impact that she’d had.

I came out of that situation a much stronger person. I lost all respect for her as my senior and did what I had to do to get by, but as soon as the opportunity arose, I moved into another area so I did not have to have anything further to do with her.

Feedback is useful to help identify our Blind Self, the areas that we don’t know about ourselves but others do, and can support a plan to move towards our Open Self, the area that both you and others know about you.

What strengths feed your energy?

Image by productionpollockco from Pixabay

I joined up to a wellbeing group via work called Live Life Connected. It has a series of sessions on topics ranging from finding your full potential, mastering good habits, your mindset (fixed or growth) and the latest session to drop is about identifying your strengths and how to use them to boost your energy.

As part of this session we were invited to conduct a short test to help identify our character strengths. Then is spews out a report showing your top five character strengths, and then the lesser ones underneath.

My top strength came out as Love of Learning. I totally agree with this.

“Mastering new skills, topics, and bodies of knowledge, whether on one’s own or formally; related to the strength of curiosity but goes beyond it to describe the tendency to add systematically to what one knows.”

I do like to read, research and investigate things. I will read the 126 page document. I will go down that google rabbit hole to find out more.

In at number two was Honesty. What you see is what you get. I don’t always get it right, but I’m learning.

“Speaking the truth but more broadly presenting oneself in a genuine way and acting in a sincere way; being without pretence; taking responsibility for one’s feelings and actions.”

Number three was Fairness.

“Treating all people the same according to notions of fairness and justice; not letting feelings bias decisions about others; giving everyone a fair chance.”

It has been commented on before by colleagues that I am a firm but fair manager.

Fourth on the list was Judgment.

“Thinking things through and examining them from all sides; not jumping to conclusions; being able to change one’s mind in light of evidence; weighing all evidence fairly.”

I have said many times before, I do like to have all the information in front of me before I made a decision, where possible.

And completing my top five character strengths was Forgiveness.

“Forgiving those who have done wrong; accepting others’ shortcomings; giving people a second chance; not being vengeful.”

Hmmm, now this is a tricky one. I can forgive, but I rarely forget.

There were another fourteen characteristics, then at the other end of the scale the bottom five character strengths were:

Gratitude – “Being aware of and thankful for the good things that happen; taking time to express thanks.” Its not that I am unaware or unappreciative, more I don’t outwardly express gratitude.

Perseverance – “Finishing what one starts; persevering in a course of action in spite of obstacles; “getting it out the door”; taking pleasure in completing tasks.” I usually do, however sometimes I get side tracked by something new and shiny, or someone else starts taking over so I give up showing any interest in it.

Love – “Valuing close relations with others, in particular those in which sharing & caring are reciprocated; being close to people.” I do value those around me but I’m not into all that mushy stuff. I give as good as I get with relationships. If someone doesn’t want to put the effort into me, I’m not going to put the effort into them.

Zest – “Approaching life with excitement and energy; not doing things halfway or halfheartedly; living life as an adventure; feeling alive and activated..” I don’t very often get excited about much. That’s not to say that I haven’t done some exciting stuff like going skiing when I was 12, or husky sledging a few years ago, or every time I get to see my daughter. I just don’t go all stupid with it.

Spirituality – “Having coherent beliefs about the higher purpose and meaning of the universe; knowing where one fits within the larger scheme; having beliefs about the meaning of life that shape conduct and provide comfort.” Nope, not me. You make your own destiny and luck.

If you want to investigate your own character strengths take the short test at https://www.viacharacter.org/survey/account/register