Tag: #datenight

How to date your spouse

We have been married for nearly 25 years.  We’ve had a child together who is now a grown up, independent adult, living away from (our) home. We’ve had demanding day jobs, and demanding hobbies. We’ve gone through good times and bad times.  We talk.  We don’t talk.  We seem to be busy all the time. We rarely make time just for us.  Just to spend time in each others’ company without having to be anywhere, do anything, or be with others.  Obviously, due to Covid going out on date nights has been severely hampered even if we did get round to organising it.

So, this weekend we had an opportunity to use some vouchers to go out for dinner.  Just the two of us.  We both had things going on during the day, so it was a nice to think that neither of us had to worry about cooking dinner.  We could enjoy something out of the ordinary.

It can be hard however to reconnect with each other when there’s so much demand on our time and thoughts.  We’re not chatty sorts particularly, and because we usually do things together (outside of work) small talk can be quite hard sometimes.  There’s nothing new to talk about. We end up talking about the kids, the household needs or renewing life insurance! 

According to an article by Jamie C Williamson the desire to recreate date night intimacy may be related to primal urges for survival.  They state connections between the support that comes from a well-functioning intimate relationship and the personal wellbeing of the participants.  Lack of marital intimacy and satisfaction can cause harm to the marriage and tend to be unsatisfying, unstable and conflictual. So creating space for “date nights” can provide that fun element that protects a marriage from deterioration and can keep your relationship healthy, happy and able to manage life’s stressors.

We are comfortable and stable in each others’ company but we do need to make sure that we make time for us before we get swept up in the everydayness of life.

So here’s Williamson’s top tips on how to make date night with your spouse a success:

  1. Make it affordable – don’t allow date night to add to financial stress.  Decide how much you can afford and how often.  It needn’t be an extravagant affair, a data night dinner at home, a picnic somewhere picturesque.
  2. Schedule it in – find time when date night can be scheduled in and don’t let other things get in the way of this time, make sure it gets priority.  If you want to schedule a regular (say once a month) date night, get it in the calendar and only change it for extremely urgent and important things. It doesn’t need to be an evening thing if schedules don’t work.  Make it a lunch rather than dinner, or afternoon tea or cinema visit.
  3. Agree who’s planning – work together to generate a list of places or things you’d both like to do, set your budget and any other parameters and then decide who’s going to arrange it.  It doesn’t have to be the same person all the time, unless you’re rubbish at organising.  If you’re having date night at home agree the menu, background music, mood and make it seem that you’ve invited your spouse over to your place and take the lead.
  4. Make it special – put effort into getting ready.  It’s a date after all, you got dressed up when you were dating, so why not now?  Present your best self and have fun with it. Preparation can add to the anticipation of a great night ahead.
  5. Turn off you mobile phone – its date night.  Be present with the person you are with. 
  6. Plan your conversation – this isn’t an opportunity to offload all the domestic conversations you’ve not had time for.  Write down a list if it helps. You can actually get date night conversation starter cards now.  But try asking questions that allow for a deeper understanding of your spouse’s values and beliefs, or asking those random questions that may seem a bit odd, but allow you to explore thoughts, or sharing memories of good times you’ve enjoyed together.

We had a lovely dinner out at an Italian restaurant with a bottle of wine.  It wasn’t expensive because we’d got vouchers to use.  C had organised it.  I did make a bit of an effort to get dressed up but it wasn’t a very dressy up kind of place, but I felt great in what I was wearing even if he didn’t notice.  The mobiles fidnt make an appearance other than to take some photos, that’s got to be a first. Conversation flowed well on a variety of subjects.

It was a lovely night out, and it had come out of the blue having been proposed and booked on Wednesday.  The fact the vouchers were due to expire probably had something to do with that, but I was grateful anyway.

What’s your favourite date night (keep it clean people!)?

Date nights are back on

We are not the least bit interested in sport of any kind. Ok we could probably sit through an hour of tennis and I could watch a bit of athletics (mostly because I used to be quite good at it at school and its over and done with really quickly). So todays never ending barrage of “its coming home” when clearly the England team are about to throw it away, really does not make for entertaining viewing.

We decided therefore to do something we haven’t done for nearly two years and chance our arm by going to the cinema. Not that there was anything burning we wanted to watch but for something to do. We quite like going to the cinema in normal times.

C booked tickets online the day before and had to trog through a million and one questions about whether we wanted to preorder food or drink as you can’t get it on the day. We decided that we’d take our own and bought a box of wine gums earlier in the day. The coffee stand was open so we did get a drink before going to our screen.

When we arrived I had to scan in for Track & Trace at the cinema entrance. It would now think that I am in any one of the eight screens for the rest of the day. I wish there was a scan out option so it could understand when we were no longer there. They asked C if we’d booked online to which he replied affirmatively but they didn’t bother to check for the bar code.

We ordered drinks then made our way to the screen. There were probably only about 20-25 people in the screen so everyone was well spread out. C had mentioned that when he booked our seats the system then blocked out the seats around us as being unavailable which meant no one could get too close.

The usual preamble of adverts (note to self, lots of good things coming up in July) then an on screen recap of the social distancing and mask wearing rules. Apparently it was ok to take masks off whilst sitting down but if anyone needed to go out to the loo or anything, then masks back on.

There were very few people about at all really in what is usually a busy environment but I guess the impending overpaid idiots running around in shorts, falling over and dying should anyone get too close, had something to do with it.

When we came out of the cinema there were definitely more people heading into town to the pubs to no doubt get unnecessarily drunk and be idiots, whether “we” won or lost.

It was very nice to be able to do something sort of normal and have a bit of a date night, or late afternoon anyway. Well done to Odeon for making if feel safe.