7 Ways to choose to stay and fight

I listened to an episode of a podcast I haven’t listened to in a while, called By the Book. The hosts take a self-help book, then live for two weeks by the rules of the book, before passing a verdict on whether they thought it helped or not. The book of choice to live by was Margaret Cho’s “I have chosen to stay and fight”. It was originally written about 20 years ago in a different time and place, so some of the “rules” could be dated, as there has been some progress; however they were still pertinent to some.

The premise of the book was laying out issues that were pressing at the time with personal stories, rage and humour with a rallying cry not to stand down and run away, but stand and fight for what’s right. The podcast hosts distilled it into these seven “rules” to live by:

Entitle yourself to speak – Silence equals acceptance, but also non-existence. Find the courage to use your voice then actually use it. Others are no more qualified to speak than you.
Give peace a chance – think how hard it would be to never see the people you love again based on bias beliefs and ignorance.
Race in the US (that’s where they’re all from but you could translate that to UK or anywhere else too) – Admitting you own ignorance about race issues doesn’t excuse it. Don’t tell racist jokes and learn why affirmative action isn’t a bad thing. Admit your own racist brain washing, fight alongside people of colour, never take the side of the oppressor, accept that no art or artist is perfect. Try to love everyone.
Feminism is a feminist issue – Accept that women have the right to choose what to do with their own bodies. Stop being squeamish about periods. Stop obsessing over your looks because no one is looking at you anyway. Enjoy your body and do body positive activities. Be honest about who you are. If you’re called selfish, own it – women have been told to be selfless for too long.
Family values – we hold the keys to gender in our hearts, not our bodies. Stop taking the high road with homophobes, speak out. Be a mentor to LGBTQ+ people.
What would Bowie do? We are not all under one rule or god. Some don’t even have a god. Accept these differences and while religion can help some, it also has its ugly side. Enjoy art, music and experiences that feel transcendent. Try to see all people and creatures as part of the mystery of life.
The right to life – society criminalises things that are not criminal, like sexuality or skin colour. Educate yourself about the system. Practice compassion. Representation matters.

At work we have several networks that cover specific characteristics of equality, diversity and inclusion. I sit on a number of them as an ally, most frequently supporting the disability and mental health and the LGBTQ+ groups. I don’t identify with either but in my opinion, my role as a service manager means that I should be aware of the issues and concerns that members of my team who do identify may have. I see my role as supporting those staff who may find it difficult, but also sharing awareness through my management colleagues. I speak up for those who don’t feel they can do it for themselves.

October is Black History Month and the Trust has a series of events including listening events, movie nights, quizzes and Show Racism the Red Card by wearing red on Friday 22October. The latest LGBTQ+ newsletter was an intersectional publication on the issues faced by people who identify as LGBTQ+ and BAME. It was a very interesting read to hear how coming out in a white privilege country can be difficult enough, but coming out in a BAME culture could actually be life threatening. There was also a story about how coming out conflicted with religious beliefs as a young person, but as an adult, with understanding and support it had become a more accepted.

Monday sees World Menopause Day and acknowledges that menopause doesn’t only affect women, so it’s important to recognise that it could impact any of us, directly or indirectly. There will be guest speakers on everything from hormone replacement therapy (HRT) to positive psychology, bone health and the Trust will be launching its new menopause support group – Menopause Voices and a new Menopause in the Workplace strategy.

I am glad to work for an organisation that takes these matters seriously. There is a still lot of work to do, but we are heading in the right direction, and I am pleased to be a small part of supporting my colleagues, whatever the beliefs, race, orientation or preference.

I choose to stay and fight for those who can’t.

It’s only taken 40 years

I learned to ring when I was eleven years old. Taught by my father at towers that jogged along quite nicely but weren’t particularly high fliers when it came to method ringing and conducting teaching. By the time I was eighteen and left home I could ring Plain Bob Double, Minor, Triples and Major, and Grandsire Doubles and Triples, and the occasional other Doubles/Minor method that we might have learned for a specific occasions such as All Saints Place Doubles for All Saints Day, at All Saints Church. It wasn’t until I left home that I started to venture into other methods like St Clements College Bob Minor, and after a couple of years away started to learn Cambridge Surprise Minor. I may have gone via Kent and Oxford Treble Bob, I can’t remember.

There was never any encouragement to learn how to conduct things. That’s not a gripe, that’s just the way it was at the towers I rang at. I did call Call Changes, but it was never discussed, supported or even suggested that I learn to call or conduct methods.

When I returned back to my home county, I took up ringing at some different towers and my Minor repertoire extended a little bit with St Simon’s, St Martin’s and others. Again, I was never invited to conduct, and it didn’t occur to me to pursue it as there were already those in the tower more experienced who just did it.

Then I met C and my method ringing sky rocketed. I recall one #bellringing holiday where he wrote the line for Stedman Doubles and Triples out on a napkin over lunch during the first day, then for the rest of the tour I rang Stedman at every tower, every day and by the end of the week was ringing touches of it as if I had known it for years. My methods started expanding into Surprise Minor, Major and now Royal and Maximus.

At some point I did learn how to call touches of Plain Bob Doubles. As most people probably do, I started with myself unaffected regardless of what bell I was ringing, then figured out the Make In Out method. I think this was around the time I was ringing St Simon’s et al. I did get as far as calling a few quarter peals of Plain Bob Doubles. I may have even called Go and That’s All for some other methods, but very rarely.

I’ve not really been too worried about conducting as there has always been more experience people around to do that for me. I also feel that I could Call but not Conduct. Me calling a quarter peal of Plain Bob Double relies on everyone doing as instructed and staying in the right place. I wouldn’t be able to sort them out if it went wrong.

I guess with the passage of time, I have more awareness of some methods and although I still don’t ring or learn by place bells, I can see where some of the other bells are and can put people right based on seeing where the treble is or knowing what piece of work I’m doing and whether they should be with me or somewhere else in the change.

In recent years it has become much more noticeable about the lack of female conductors. A piece of research undertaken shared stories on women’s experiences of being encouraged, and learning to conduct. The Women in Ringing research (www.womeninringing.info) explored the gender balance within #bellringing and the barriers to progression and untapped potential which may impact the longer-term sustainability of #bellringing.

Anyway, we had a district meeting earlier this week so I went along to support it. It was a great evening with lots of laughter and learners trying new things. One lady had only practiced Plain Bob Doubles on the simulator, so had her first goes at ringing it with “real people” and did really well. Others were stretched and moved away for their usual bell, and everyone got a go with a strong band around them and someone standing with them if needed. It was a fun practice and the locals really appreciated the support and enjoyed themselves, throwing themselves into whatever they were ringing.

I was asked to call Go and That’s All a couple of times either to Plain Bob Doubles or Minor, and a to a touch of Plain Bob Doubles. When it came to trying a touch of Plain Bob Minor a band caught hold and the ringing master asked several others if they would like to call the touch. Everyone declined citing inexperience. C was sitting this one out and was on the bench behind me. So I volunteered to have a go and he could poke me in the leg when a call was due just to make sure I got it in the right place. I called the very simple touch where a Bob was called every time the bell I was ringing was doing its 5/6 up or 5/6 down dodges. Four calls in total. C did poke me in the leg at the appropriate times, but I was already there, called the Bob and even managed some semblance of being able to see where the Treble was at the time.

That is the first time I have EVER called a touch of Plain Bob Minor. EVER. And I have to say I was rather chuffed.

I would like to call more, and I need to do more homework around that I understand, but there are opportunities on a Sunday morning or a practice night where I could at least say Go and That’s All to plain courses of things.

From the success of last week’s virtual #bellringing session where we all got to have a go at saying Go and That’s All to plain courses of the new method we were learning, and the invigoration from calling my first touch of Plain Bob Minor this week, I might well push to call more, even if I can’t fully conduct things yet. I’ll need to read some more chapters of Calling It Round (https://callingitround.cccbr.org.uk) then just put myself out there.

5 lessons for creating anything you want

We often learn the hard way how creating something by binging on the process is not sustainable. For example losing weight quickly through the latest diet fad has that fleeting moment of satisfaction but is soon replaced by dread of putting the weight back on, which often happens when we start to eat normally again.

We need to understand what we really need and my current podcast fave Tonya Leigh offered five life lessons on how to create that:

True pleasure – that’s not stuffing your face until you feel sick, or reaching for the family sized bag of crisps whilst watching a film, justifying it to yourself because you’ve had a long day. Eat the nice food; drink the good wine but in moderation and with presence. True pleasure isn’t always easy to achieve but waking up the next day full of excitement and feeling good about yourself is worth it.
Discipline – not to be confused with deprivation. One chocolate is divine, but the whole box not so much. When you neglect or abuse something regardless of how good it tastes, it’s no longer pleasurable. Lack of discipline makes you feel out of control and constantly doubt yourself. The ultimate discipline is to manage yourself emotionally. You live life by your desires not fleeting moods. Listen and understand your feelings to take action towards your desires.
Self-respect – losing weight will not give you self-respect. Self-respect is how you create what you desire rather than the payoff you get once you’ve reached your goal. Believe in yourself and think yourself worthy enough to show up for what you say you want. Care for your life, enjoy it and don’t go crazy with excess.
Slow down – life is not a race. Joy is not in the next thing, it’s here and now, so don’t miss out on the simple things that happen. The little details you see when you slow down go unnoticed when you’re full steam ahead. Make time for these simple pleasures; don’t wait for the “one day”. Life isn’t going to fall apart and may give you more fulfilment.
Quality choices – study those who have something you want and notice how they do things. That might be watching how someone selects a perfectly ripe fruit, or the make and texture of an item of clothing. Rushing through life without pleasure, discipline, self-respect or slowing down ultimately causes you to lower your standards in life, from the food you eat to the people you surround yourself with.

Even when no one else sees you, you see you and with self-respect show up differently in your life. Bank accounts benefit from understanding what isn’t true pleasure like buying an expensive item when you know your tax return is due. When your mind rushes off, remind yourself there is no hurry, relax, and breathe. Teach yourself to slow down and your life will speed up in the most beautiful direction. Surround yourself with people and things you value the most by making more quality choices in everyday decisions.

TL says these lessons impact your body and your life and it’s in the practice of these concepts that your life will change, not just reading about them.

8 Tips to work with more ambition and ease

I know you’ve missed her over the last few blogs, so I’m back with the latest from my current podcast favourite Tonya Leigh. This time she explored how being driven can be a blessing but also a curse, especially when you don’t know how to manage your time, energy and life.

Finding a balance between work and home life is not an exact science and is not the same for everyone. There is no magic formula to finding more productivity or ease. There’s more to life than working just to pay the bills. We get to make decisions about adding more pleasure, meaning and joy into our lives, and sometimes these decisions can be hard. If you want things to be different it’s down to you to make it different and think wider than the limits of your current situation and circumstances, then be committed to the life you want to live and practice living it.

We all have different priorities, values, circumstances and desires, but TL offered eight ways to add more ambition and ease to work/life:

Dress to impress yourself. Clothing can create a feeling for ourselves so we shouldn’t ignore our appearance, even if we’re not venturing to the office. You wouldn’t show up at work still in your PJ’s so why would you show up for yourself in your own life that way? Getting dressed up can lift your mood, make you more productive, give you more energy. Your whole day can be transformed by what you wear.
Log off from the work day as if it’s the law. In France they have a law that gives employees the right to disconnect from emails, phones etc once they’ve finished their work day. This is to respect periods of rest and work/life balance. It’s up to us to be committed to disconnecting. There is no essence of “done”, there’s always something that needs doing. Dedicated time spaces gives opportunities for creativeness, tuning into personal life after work life. Not everything is urgent.
Crumbs over your desk. A lot of us are used to working through lunch, eating at our desk and barely noticing what goes in our mouth, let alone that we haven’t take a break from the screen or meetings. Eating without thinking stops us being connected with our bodies and emotions. Your body processes food much better when you eat in a relaxed state. The world will not fall apart if you dare to step away from the desk.
Be like the sandwich maker. The sandwich maker has queues of people waiting in line for over 30 minutes in order to buy one of his delicious sandwiches. If he were to diversify into salads or crepes, he may be able to get through a lot more customers. But, he is focussed on what he does best: making sandwiches, rather than spreading himself into other areas that might not be quite as good. If we have too many things to do, we end up not being great at any of them. What is essential in your work? What do you do better than anyone else? What lights you up? What if you focussed more energy and time doing less but better?
People over profit. Relationships are more important in business and in life. Relationships are not formed out of financial need. Understanding how money can contribute to society and allows us to do things like see friends and family, and have different experiences is useful but it shouldn’t be more important than people.
Laziness is the new productivity. We work hard but what do we have to show for it? Weight gain, stress, crankiness and exhaustion. You can still achieve a high standard of living by working fewer hours. We all need time to enjoy life and be a little lazy. Taking care of yourself and enjoying life can be the most successful use of your time.
Life is too short not to take your holiday. Disconnect and get to see the world, family and friends. Life is too short to delay in taking pleasure then feeling exhausted and resentful as a result.
Create a life outside of work. Don’t let work become your entire life. It’s important to diversify life, your job shouldn’t be your only source of fulfilment. TL said “It not your job’s job to make you happy, that’s all on you”. You get to experience more fulfilment when you’re not dependent on your job for your happiness. Work to live, not live to work.

I certainly resonate with some of those points.

I can’t stand sitting around in my dressing gown at home. Once I’m up and showered, I need to get dressed. I get really irritated seeing people answering their front doors to the delivery people still in their PJ’s. I don’t have what you might describe as “loungewear”. I get dressed properly as if I were ready to go out. I dress according to where I’m going and how I feel, not who I’m with.

I certainly log off from work once my office day is done. That’s largely because I have another full time job in the evenings with #bellringing. Either going ringing, running virtual ringing, meetings about ringing, writing about ringing, or answering queries about ringing. I can’t afford to still be worrying about work during the evenings. That’s not to say that there are times when things pop into my head about the working day.

Whilst I do eat at my desk, I do take time to go for a walk most days. I do a 9.5hr day so it’s important to get up and move about, and get some time away from the screen. I plug myself into a podcast as I walk around the hospital site. We are very fortunate to have fields and green spaces around so it’s lovely to see the changing of the seasons.

Not sure I’ve mastered the art of being the sandwich maker yet. Got lots of things going on at work and at home. Perhaps that makes me a jack of all trades, master of none.

I’m not particularly motivated by money and am extremely fortunate in being reasonably comfortable. I don’t have my own business so I’m not dependent on attaining a specific level of income. We are comfortable, which does allow us to do what we want, when we want, and we’re careful not to splurge unnecessarily. So for me, people are more important. I would rather spend money on spending time with those whose company is important to me.

I’m not very good at being lazy. I end up having a guilt trip of not doing something that perhaps I should be doing, and trying to fill time with more activity. That does mean that every now and then, my body reminds me that I need to take time to rest.

Taking annual leave is an interesting one that has become more complicated in the last year or two. I work a condensed week so cram full time hours into four days instead of five. That way I keep all my annual leave and Bank Holiday entitlement. Having a day off a week does allow me to do some things that I would have had to book leave for in the past so I’m finding I’m not using up so much of my annual leave. At the moment I have a week booked off over the Christmas period but then I have four weeks left to book between January to the end of March. The projects I’m working on will be significant come financial year end, however I didn’t get to have my 50^th birthday holiday this February so we were putting that off til next year. It will also be out 25^th wedding anniversary in March so the idea is to have a nice break around then. But I still need to get this leave booked in. I’ll probably end up taking odd days here and there which doesn’t really give you time to do anything much, but maybe I can use that time to be lazy!

I definitely have a life outside of work. I probably put around 16 hours of #bellringing activity per week between actually ringing, meetings, virtual ringing, writing reports etc. sometimes more. I also have baking that I like to do every now and then and more importantly I have a daughter who doesn’t live at home with us who we only get to see every six weeks or so, C has a grandchild that we’d like to see more of, as well as some activities that we need to get booked in. There’s not enough hours in the week!

How do you live with more ambition and ease?

Idle daydreaming or soft fascination?

Did you ever get told off at school for staring out of the window and accused of being a day dreamer? Like a lot of things in recent years, daydreaming has now been relabelled “soft fascination”. It’s the art of softly focussing on something, like the trees bending in the wind, that can invigorate your brain and boost wellbeing. So says Heidi Scrimgeour in Psychologies Magazine. Activities requiring periods of intense focus can have a negative impact on wellbeing and performance, whereas those that soften your attention can have beneficial effects.

It is important to have a balance between being switched on and being receptive to slowing down. If we were focussed, goal setting, planning and doing all the time this would lead to stress and fatigue. Enabling our soft focus provides a place of trust, renewal and rest.

Soft fascination, diffused thinking, or daydreaming, whatever you want to call it, is important as how well our brain functions is linked to the quality of our work. The article suggested that time spent outdoors stimulates the kind of attention that is good for us, can help us concentrate better.

Problems that seem insurmountable can be put into perspective by watching a raindrop sliding down a window or watching waves at the seashore wash in and out. But you don’t have to travel far, or even get out into nature if that’s not your thing. Drifting away whilst staring at the bottom of a coffee cup at your local pitstop has the same effect. Letting your mind wander creates opportunities for ideas and reflection that don’t always come when you’re sat at your desk in a busy office. Its about giving yourself permission to pause, allowing space for new ideas, solutions and opportunities to come into your life.

Ruth Thomson shared three ways to create soft fascination in your life:

Rethink the idea of work – a walk in nature, a mindfulness session or relaxing in the bathtub is work too. Your brain is still working for you and ideas will start popping into your head;
Recognise the benefits – going for a mindful walk or other mindful moments have scientific evidence in making you feel better.
Find your soft activity – it may be swimming, walking through the woods, meditating. Find an activity that works for you and embrace it.

You are not a machine, and your mind needs to rest too. However, there’s a difference between switching off and relaxing. Allowing your mind to wander is vital to counterbalance time spend doing things that lead to attention fatigue. Soft fascination comes from a “place of loving kindness, compassion and wisdom “says Karin Peeters. Soft fascination can bring us efficiency without wasting time, resources or energy through intuition and alignment with heart and soul.

What have you been finding soft fascination in lately?

Are you always forgetting where you left things?

If you find it hard to concentrate, or always forget where you’ve left things, or feel like you’re operating at half-speed all the time, you may be suffering from Brain Fog, according to an article in Platinum magazine.

Of course, there are multiple reasons why this may be. Working long hours, lack of sleep, stressful situations, or being a woman of a certain age. Apparently some 600 million people worldwide suffer from this to the extent it disrupts quality of life, despite there being no formal diagnosis, disease or disorder.

The term Brain Fog comes from a collection of symptoms giving rise to mental fatigue, lack of concentration, confusion and general inability to process information. You may see slower reactions, trouble remembering things, difficulty in finding the right word, exhaustion or irritability. There may be underlying medical reasons including some autoimmune diseases, inflammatory diseases and thyroid disorders, hormonal fluctuations or side effects to medication. Some have sited Long Covid as experiencing similar symptoms. With 75% of the brain being made up of water, even the slightest dehydration may have a negative effect on your ability to focus and think clearly.

As a woman of “a certain age” and heading into perimenopause, I often have times where I can’t focus, or remember something that only happened a short time ago. This is typical of my #bellringing where I can’t remember a method five minutes after having rung it. However, I think I’ve experienced that most of my life, I don’t think I can put it down to perimenopause.

According to the article two thirds of women mention some sort of brain fog during and after menopause and there is growing research suggesting cognitive decline and memory problems associate with menopause are real and linked to fluctuating hormone levels. The effects of reduced levels of oestrogen and other hormones on the brain are still not yet fully understood.

The article’s menopause expert suggested four ways to help ease menopausal brain fog:

Take regular breaks away from whatever task you’re tyring to complete to give you the opportunity to think clearly and rationally;
Start the day with a to-do list, but with a maximum of three things on it so it isn’t overwhelming;
Exercise regularly to help release chemicals that can sharpen your focus and help you concentrate;
Boost your intake of vitamin B12 through food including egg, salmon, liver and sardines to help improve brain clarity and memory.

A different expert offered six sure-fire ways the help you cope when brain fog starts to serious impact everyday life:

Avoid multi-tasking if possible;
Remove distraction – turn the tv, radio, phone etc off;
Focus on what you can do and not on what you can’t;
Keep a list of easy or repetitive tasks to do so you can still be productive even when brain fog hits;
Move around = aerobic exercise enhances alertness and makes learning easier.
Try not to catastrophise thinking brain fog is dementia.

So next time I can’t remember where I’ve left something, or why I walked into a room, I needn’t be too concerned, I can put it down to my hormonal fluctuation and open a can of sardines.

What’s the strangest thing you could put down to Brain Fog?

Picking your battles

Making yourself heard can be hard, sometimes we can feel overlooked or made to feel invisible. Who remembers Jackie Weaver’s outburst at her local parish council meeting where she had to shout at the patronising men who had no authority? Sounds like she’s made a very lucrative and successful career out of that by the way.

Jackie’s advice in a Good Housekeeping magazine interview was to “pick your battles, because you can’t deal with everything all the time”. She suggested that whatever the situation was to just focus on what was important in the moment, it’s impossible to have it all so you need to prioritise. Her philosophy seems to be trying to understand other people and where they’re coming from to help be kinder to them, bringing out their better nature and helping yourself by reassuring yourself its not all about you.

When Jackie finds herself being drawn into conflict, she would ordinarily try to avoid it but when she does get sucked in, she tries to focus on what she wants to achieve and ignore the rest. Someone will always rattle our cage at some point so Jackie’s advice is to ask ourselves whether we should let that battle go.

In the article Jackie shared what she’d learned about dealing with difficult situations and tricky people:

Getting things done – pragmatism, focus and determination. Prioritise what’s important and remember that you can’t do it all, stick to your guns, stay focussed and don’t say yes to everything;
Its easy to be difficult – from those keyboard warriors to the disengaged and rude, difficult people come in many shapes and forms so thing about trying to work out why they are being difficult, talk to them, listen and make them feel heard, don’t accept unreasonable behaviour, develop your own inner voice;
Engage, don’t rage – don’t shout or lose your temper if you want to be heard. Engage with people and make them feel you’re on their side, be clear in your own mind about what you want, king about what you’re saying and how to say it, don’t start a meeting or conversation if you’re angry or upset.

I find it really hard to challenge some people and make my point heard without getting wound up about it. If I feel I’m not being listened to or my voice not heard, I tend to shut down and not get involved at all, and therefore not getting my point across, and ultimately feeling rubbish about the whole thing. Sometimes, I wish I had Jackie’s strength of character to shut certain people down, or even just to say what I need to say and feel that I’ve been heard and taken seriously. I find it difficult to assert myself and express my feelings and point of view about some topics and to certain people.

I think part of this came from a previous relationship where I was often told that I had no opinion and what did I know anyway. Most of it now comes from when people talk over me. I feel that they are saying my voice doesn’t matter or they or their opinion is more important. Heads up, if someone starts talking over me and you see me sit back and shut up, know that you’re not going to get anything out of me then, even more so in virtual meetings when I’ll also turn my microphone off. And if I’ve turned the video off as well, you know that I’m seriously unimpressed. I’m not going to battle with you, but I’m not going to engage with you either.

How do you recognise which battles to argue?

8 Tips to travel through life solo

There are lots of reasons why we may not travel including not having someone to go with. I know I would love to travel more and explore other places and cultures and have been lucky enough to have visited several different countries with family and friends.

Travelling alone can be scary, whether it’s going on a foreign trip, or simply travelling through life. It can make you very anxious particularly if you don’t speak the language, but could that thirst for experience outweigh the fears?

Whatever your definition of adventure is it’s important to embrace it, whether it’s backpacking through the wilderness, or sauntering along the Champs Elysees eating cheese and chocolate. We tend to allow excuses to get in the way of exploring; money, time, family commitments, fear of being alone, afraid it’s not safe etc.

Here are some top tips from Tonya Leigh about how travelling alone can give us confidence with being by ourselves:

Learn to listen to your gut – if your body tells you it’s not safe to go that way, don’t, or if it is, then go ahead. Have a conversation with someone in the bar/hotel. Turn left. Go that way. Do that thing.
Gain confidence – you can do these things alone and believing otherwise impacts so many part of our lives like moving to a new city, or staying n toxic relationship. You can do things along while building your confidence. By figuring out the underground routes, or taking a punt on a menu choice when you can’t read what it is, you learn to trust it your ability to flourish in your own life.
Do whatever you want to do, when you want to do it – there’s no one telling you where you should be or what you should be doing. No timetable to stick to. The experience of total freedom.
Get to exercise your decision muscles – we can be indecisive about where we want to go or what to do. How many times do we say “I don’t know” or “I don’t mind, whatever” when asked where we want to go or what we want to do? Being indecisive is an excuse to stay where you are. When you’re on your own you are forced to make decisions and therefore learn to trust your ability to do so.
You get to play with new ways of being – we are surrounded at home by people who see us a certain way. Any attempt to change may be met with resistance from those around us. Going solo gives you the chance to play with different versions of yourself, of who you are, and to discover and cultivate the real you.
You get to meet yourself – without the everyday distractions you can explore who you really are. All of the thoughts you usually bury have a chance to surface so they can be released and let go.
Space to reflect and dream – when you travel alone you’ll have space to see yourself, who you want to be, what you want and don’t want, what you dream of and are ready to create. You’ll probably get new ideas that come from being able to look inwards.
You are invited to come home – returning to yourself. When you travel alone you discover what needs to be cleared out and let go of, what you need to make room for in your life and what actions you need to take to create your fulfilled life. When you return home you have that opportunity to create it, to start afresh.

The reasons we fear being alone is because of the deep, dark that is buried in the recesses of our minds.

We don’t need to be travelling abroad, or far, or for very long, but as we travel through life and navigate the next phases, it gives us the chance to return with a deeper appreciation and confidence in ourselves.

Whether you can or can’t you’re right

I’m working through the Live Life Connected programme, a series of videos and resources that support wellness in terms of improving quality sleep, quality nutrition, daily movement, recovery and rest and meaningful connections. The latest section has just gone live in which the facilitator talks about how what we believe can limit our ability. A bit like imposter syndrome I guess.

When something happens in your life, good or bad, do you find yourself making up some sort of story about why it happened? Why someone spoke to you in that way? Or did not interact with you? If you act as if someone is going to be friendly towards you, or act confident, chances are that that is what will happen. That person will be friendly towards you, or you will come across as confident.

What beliefs do you have that are holding you back? Are these beliefs helpful? How do your beliefs make you feel?

The EBA method (Events, Beliefs, Actions) is something that happens all the time subconsciously. An event happens e.g. someone is rude to us, we associate beliefs about that event and then form actions/reactions based on what’s just happened. If our beliefs are negative about what’s just happened our actions become quite defensive.

By taking time to pause when we notice an event and our beliefs starting to creep in, we can distance ourselves from the event to consider what actions/reactions would be more appropriate. We can’t stop events happening but we can try to control our beliefs about it. For example if a friend is unhappy and cuts you off, you might believe they don’t like you or you must have upset them some way. You might choose to avoid them for a while, or confront them about it.

The Three Boxes of Control is a framework that supports Epictetus’ philosophic belief that you should only concern yourself with things that are within your control, and you can only truly control your beliefs, everything else, to some degree or other is outside of your control. Stress and problems we encounter are generally caused when we try to control things we have no control over. If we choose to be happy and content in our own mind and body, we have something that no one else can take away.

When you struggle to keep control of what’s going on there is a simple exercise you can do to help put things into perspective. Draw three boxes and in the first list all the things that are within your control, in the second list all the things that are partially under your control but may be affected by outside influence, then in the third list all the things that are not in your control to change or do anything about. You can then focus mostly on what is within your control and put some effort into those things that are partially in your control. Then try to let all those things go that you have no control over. Don’t spend time worrying about things over which you have no control.

When you’re struggling, ask yourself these three limiting belief breakers:

The counter argument – breakdown a belief by forming the counter argument to it. Question whether what you are believing is right or really true.
Ask yourself whether this belief helpful and if it’s not, then get rid of it.
Look for the alternatives – what else could be happening in that situation? There could be many other reasons why something happened or someone behaved in a certain way.

By taking back control over these elements our life it brings us to the best place in our lives in terms of wellness, motivation and positivity.

Baking and bellringing successes

Family and friends gather online on a Thursday evening for a virtual #bellringing session. We’ve been doing this all through lockdowm and even though real life practices are up and running again, this group still meets virtually, every week to practice things we wouldn’t ordinarily get to ring in our towers.

New methods are proposed every month with the objective of attempting a quarter peal on the last week of the month. September’s method was Sandal Treble Bob Minor. None of us had rung this before.

So, we attempted a quarter peal on the last Thursday of the month and it was going along nicely, good striking and very few trips. Unfortunately the attempt was stood up because two bells had swapped over. That was a real shame.

Friday mornings bring a second opportunity for practicing these methods with a slightly different group, but the core few are the same.

Having got plenty of time before ringing was due to start I decided to make a start on this week’s bake; a chocolate orange loaf cake. I managed to get the cake batter in the oven and cooked, the crystallised peel and the orange drizzle done before ringing started.

We decided to attempt the quarter peal again as there were only six of us again. There were a few more mistakes than previously, and the treble had lag issues which almost caused problems. However this time around we successfully scored the quarter. A first in method for everyone.

Hot on the heels of that success, I finished the cake off by making the chocolate frosting and assembled it all. I must admit to being slightly chuffed with how it turned out.

Later in the evening I gave a PR presentation to the Recovery Champions, a group of ringers who are helping their local areas get back to ringing after the pandemic. Nearly 50 people joined the session which included some lively debate on how to kick start recruitment again.

In between all this, as its now autumn and the weather has definitely taken a turn for the cooler and wetter, I did the great wardrobe swap over. Summer clothes now bagged up and vacuum sealed and autumn and winter jumpers getting an airing and iron.

I feel that I’ve had a super productive day with some great wins. Yay for Friday.