When we were growing up there were certain words and phrases that we were not allowed to use. These could have been swear words, phrases we copied from TV shows and others that we just were not allowed to speak in the home.
We still need to have that kind of boundary in our adult lives, what words we’re allowed to speak and those we’re not allowed to speak. In order to determine what words we should or shouldn’t use we need to ask whether those words inspire, motivate and align with the person we want to be, the dreams we want to create, the person we want to be. If they don’t, then they should be on the “not allowed” list.
Podcast fave, Tonya Leigh, describes how our brains constantly filter through all the things we are being exposed to decide what’s important. Its what allows things into your consciousness. Its like whenever you decide to buy a new car, you start seeing that car everywhere. It’s because your brain is deciding what to allow into your awareness. Therefore, if you are not being intentional with the words you speak, you are allowing thing into your experience that really don’t support you.
For example, if you’re telling yourself you don’t want to be broke, your brain is hearing “broke”, “broke”, and starts to show you evidence of being broke because that is what you’re telling your brain to look out for. We tend to look at our current reality and circumstances and tell a disempowering story around it, the one that created it, and that’s how we expect life to change.
In order to change our circumstances, we need to be mindful of the thoughts we allow into our brains, how they make us feel, then how we speak those words. With this new information we can consider words and phrases and whether they still belong in our life. They become the words and phrases we do not allow into our house.
TL had six phrases she used to say to herself often that she had to turn around:
- I can’t afford this – when we use this phrase our brain goes looking for all the things we can’t afford. When you change the language to something like “I’m choosing not to buy this right now”, it becomes our choice (even if the underlying reason is lack of disposable cash). Or using the phrase “I’m looking forward to the time when I can afford it” starts to tell the brain to look for opportunities for how we could afford it.
- I am overwhelmed/busy – we can train ourselves to feel overwhelmed using calendars and all the things you have to do to evidence we’re overwhelmed. The way to get out of that feeling is to not to walk around saying we’re overwhelmed. If we want to feel a sense of calm and focus we need to change the language now to reflect how we want to feel in the future. Reword phrases so our brain shows us exciting projects to work on, what’s next, what do we need to focus on right now, how can we bring more ease to it? Then our brain will start to show us how to make it easier, in turn helping us feel less overwhelmed.
- I am confused – when we claim confusion, that’s what we receive. We cannot get to clarity through confusion, so we often blame confusion on lack of decision making. When we start to make decisions, and they may not always be the right one, we can move forward. Clarity comes through action. A decision will either lead us to where we want to go, or give us something to learn from.
- Its hard / I’m struggling – not everything is easy, but does claiming how hard everything is, or how much struggle we’re facing, serve us? Does it inspire and motive us? If we’ve already decided something is going to be hard, chances are we don’t even show up for it. If we’re saying its going to be hard, our brain will look for all those reasons why it’s going to be hard. Instead, turn the dialogue around to acknowledging something is a challenge and ask for help figuring it out. We don’t have to take on a truth that something is hard. Ask how we can make it easier, more fun?
- I have to – there are things that we have to do but is there any freedom in walking around saying we have to do this, or that? What we do is a choice, we don’t have to do any of it. Everything we do is a choice and we get to decide to own that choice. When we decide to choose to do something on purpose is so much more empowering.
- I wish I could do that/be that/have that – when we say this we are just creating experiences of always just wishing. Our brains will look for things we wish we could do, be or have, instead of finding opportunities to actually do, be or have. Again, it’s a choice we can align to by asking ourselves how we can do that, be that, have that. Start telling our brains to look for evidence to support all the reasons on how and why it could happen. To experience feelings of envy or jealousy is human, but its our brains telling us what we want, but start to ask those questions about how can we be that person.
Its like upgrading our brain software by changing from wishing about things to commit to achieving it. Reprogramme our brains to work for us to filter through the things in our environment to show us what’s possible by changing the language and phrases we use in everyday life.