Are you a socialised introvert?

I was listening to a IG live chat the other day, by two women predominantly discussing the menopause, but a phrase that was used was “socialised introvert”.  As a naturally introverted person, I was intrigued.

A socialised introvert if basically someone who is naturally introverted, and doesn’t have a problem with their own company, choosing to stay in rather than party.  They aren’t shy necessarily but enjoy smaller, intimate gatherings rather than raucous parties; one to one coffee catch ups rather than noisy nights out with a large group. These sorts can be a real strength, as the well-grounded introvert can be a quiet “rock” at gatherings, and a comfort to others who are anxious or prefer to stay in the background.

When researching the phrase I came across Mary Grace Garis’ definitions of the four types of introverts.  The first, the socialised, is as described above.

Then there’s the Thinking Introvert. The type that hypothesises, creates, identifies, and storytells to the point of domination of their mental capacity. This means they de-prioritise other people as an unintended consequence. However, when they do have something to say, it’s worth listening to.

Third is the Anxious Introvert, the one that is genuinely uncomfortable at social gatherings, and sometimes even when they’re alone.  They really suffer with social anxiety or a related anxiety disorder, but even so possess a quiet strength. Their sensitivity can create subgroups in social gatherings that even things out, maybe by forming a quieter group outside, creating balance against the busy noise inside.

Then there’s the Restrained Introvert.  The one that holds their cards close to their chest.  The one that will open up once they are comfortable in your presence. These are often the comment sense sorts who balance out the impetuousness of extroverts.

Regardless of your architype, being an introvert wields subdued powers and strengths in genuinely connecting with people.  It doesn’t mean you’re being rude, rather you are honing your contribution until it can be truly appreciated.

If you do feel that you want to, or ought to, be more sociable and social, here are some ways that might help:

1. Find a reason to go out that excites you
2. Prepare small talk questions in advance
3. Let people get to know you, talk about something you’re interested in
4. Go out, even when you don’t feel like it
5. Remind yourself of your good qualities
6. Take small steps
7. Recharge before you socialise
8. Set realistic and specific socialising goals
9. Look for places you can take a break
10. Express your personality
11. Comment on something someone else is wearing
12. Try making conversation even if you feel shy
13. Say something rather than nothing
14. Give yourself a job at a party
15. Get a job that increases your social skills
16. Keep up your existing friendships
17. Fill your emotional bucket with deep and meaningful conversations
18. Allow yourself to leave after 20 minutes
19. Step back and be boring
20. Know that being introverted, shy or having social anxiety is common