From overwhelming mess to calm sophisticate

The latest Tonya Leigh podcast that I’ve been listening to (yes, I’m still about five years behind) asked questions about why we fill our diaries with obligations, or nearly kill ourselves trying to reach our goals.  Why do we try to be everything to everyone?  Why do we cram our lives with so much?  Perhaps because leisure is only possible when we are at one with ourselves.  We may see overwork as a means to escape, or are trying to justify our existence.

I know I feel that I have to justify my existence and always thinking that I’m not good enough so need to do more in order to feel I have a purpose in some way.  Imposter phenomenon kicking in all the while though. TL continued its one thing to work from a place of passion but very different to live life trying to prove yourself to others and gain accolades and validation from them. You can never do enough if your underlying belief is “I am not enough”.  I have mentioned before that I often feel I am not a good enough wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend, colleague and nothing I do will ever be good enough for some people.

TL suggested that if we wanted to turn that around and become a calm sophisticate we should:

1. Go fast and slow – live life at our own pace.  Speed up in order to get the things you need to get done out of the way, but then slow down in order to spend time with friends or family.
2. Know what you value – find out what is really important.  Be confident in choosing what to let go of.  Don’t be afraid of disappointing others.
3. Manage your mind like a CEO – life will never have a sense of calm if you go through the day saying you don’t have time, or you’ll never get that done, or that person will be disappointed.  Change your mind-set in order to be the reflection of what you choose to believe.
4. Listen to your body – our minds can try to convince us to go harder and faster and when we are overwhelmed the temptation is to throw yourself into it even more.  Take a break, be well rested and nourished, your body and mind will be grateful.
5. Plan and schedule – have a clear plan for yourself before you fall into someone else’s plan, when their plan probably doesn’t feature you much anyway.  Say yes to what really matters and no to everything else.
6. Realise that everything is happening for a reason at its perfect time – stop beating yourself up over telling yourself you should be more successful, stop chasing an illusion that things should be better than they are.  Practice understanding that everything is unfolding as it should. Slow down and savour whatever moment you are in.

Calm, non-dramatic energy is the space where things are solved most effectively and life lived most fully.

Maureen Campaiola suggested five ways to create calm in your life 5 Simple Ways To Create Calm In Your Life | Recapture the Joy (adebtfreestressfreelife.com):

1. Reduce noise – we are bombarded by noise (not just sound noise) from the moment we wake up – the alarm clock, social media, clutter.  Reducing these things and finding quietness is a rare treat.
2. Create a peaceful and calm morning ritual – meditation, reading, a hot shower, journaling, savouring your morning coffee.
3. Let it go – if someone doesn’t do what you think they should, your partner didn’t kiss you goodbye (doesn’t mean they no longer care for you), someone is rude to you.  Let it go. It’s their issue not yours.  You don’t know what’s going on in their world, they are doing their best.
4. Be grateful – practice gratitude, apply it to the events of your day.  Your boss giving you a hard time?  At least you have a job.  Your partner not well?  Be grateful for the days you have together.
5. Declutter you space – clutter sucks energy out of the room, creating mental chaos and stress.  Clearing clutter creates a peaceful and calm oasis to go to when you feel overwhelmed.

Certainly decluttering is a bit issue in our house.  We have so much stuff. Mostly an awful lot of #bellringing stuff, the Association library, other books, papers and other items.  C is a bit of a hoarder and keeps papers from years ago completely unnecessarily, in my opinion.  Every time I win at decluttering a space, it’s not long before he fills it up again.

“Calm is always one choice and one thought away”

Tonya Leigh