Jim Rohn famously said that we are the average of the five people we spend the most time with. It’s important to choose wisely those who are into possibility not drama, love not hate, fun not miserable. If those around you are anxious you will become more anxious. If they are more joyful and positive about their environment that surrounds them, then you will become that too.
However simply removing negative people and negative energy is not the answer. Just because others have a different perspective on life doesn’t mean they should be pushed away because you want to take control of your life. You shouldn’t need others to change in order for you to feel good, or to distance yourself in order to gain control.
Instead of ridding negative people from your life work on cultivating and nurturing those relationships already in your life. There will always be negative people in the world, those who don’t like you or have the same values as you. Ask yourself:
- What if I could become the kind of person who was able to be around anyone?
- What if I could be happy, loving, powerful, compassionate and intentional even when I’m around the most negative of energies?
Tonya Leigh offers the following advice:
When your parents don’t approve don’t judge them because they don’t have the same values as you. Appreciate them just as they are, focus on their wonderful qualities. Change your perspective of them, don’t expect them to change.
When your work environment is toxic listen to co-workers complaints, notice their energy but you don’t need to join in. If you need to, choose to avoid them to honour what you need. Speak your truth, don’t tolerate abuse.
If you don’t like where you live don’t waste time and energy daydreaming about being somewhere else, the grass isn’t always greener. Don’t put off living your life waiting for something better, if may never come. Look into what your area has to offer and embrace its culture, arts, nature and activities.
When your partner isn’t supportive remember they will never be 100% supportive all the time. Romance isn’t a Disney movie or Hallmark card. Love and support yourself. Appreciate the times when they are supportive but make your own decisions about your own life.
When your children are negative its not their job to make you happy, they have enough going on in their own life. They should challenge us and deepen our own beliefs. Don’t take their negativity as an invitation to consider yourself as an inadequate parent. Seem them as perfect just the way they are. Love, discipline and guide them without the drama. State your expectations and consequences clearly. Being intentional about your own life will improve your relationship.
Before removing people from your circle, ask yourself:
1) what’s the real problem here?
2) How can I thrive where I am?
3) what’s being triggered and will removing someone from my life solve that?
4) How can I love and protect my heart?
5) Who really needs to change?
Change your perspective not the people around you. Let them have their drama, be in pain or rude, but hold your own.
One thought on “Before you make a scene”
I agree that you should take responsibility for how you feel and react to people and situations, but it is difficult sometimes 😏
I think it’s ok to try to do this if you have the spare time and the mental & emotional capacity to actually be able to step back for a moment to alter how you react or feel. But sometimes how you engage with some situations can be a knee jerk reaction. It’s possibly quite difficult to change ingrained ways of thinking and feeling 🤔 And some folks may not have the emotional strength and would need external support. JMHO 😉