#livelife – Bells, Bakes & Bettering Myself

Or is there more to life?

There are certain things in life you may check off as achieved such as getting a good job, buying a house, being in a committed relationship, having kids, saving for pensions. If we achieve all those things we may feel lucky, and we are certainly luckier than some who for whatever reason are not able to achieve those things even if they wanted to. But is there more to life than the merry-go-round of work, house, shopping, meetings, kids, errands? Does there need to be?

I read stories about people who have turned their back on the rat race, moved to another country, set up their own business, live off the grid, and found their purpose. For me, I still wonder what my purpose is sometimes, and I’m not really sure where to start looking for it. I have the comfortable life, a good, well paid job, a well grounded adult child, a committed relationship, money saved for later life. But where do I go now?

In an article in Psychologies Magazine there was an exercise and ten questions to help you asses and begin to understand the changes necessary for you to build a life of meaning and purpose. The exercise was to picture yourself as an older person reflecting on your life, then imagine you were writing a letter to a good friend, you don’t need to actually send it, but it helps to have a real person in mind when you write it. As your ideal future self, write about the lessons you’ve learned, the positive changes you have made and all the incredible things you have done in your life. Tell you friend who you got to this point in your life now and how you cane to fulfilment and a sense of purpose. The idea is not to replan in your mind what you are going to write, just start writing, without editing or deleting, just let the words flow. Once you’ve finished writing, read it back and realise the person you want to have come and how you want to have lived your life. Next, consider the way you are living your life now and as what changes need to be made to experience more meaning and purpose.

Before making any changes, there are the ten questions to ask yourself:

What do I want, and what will it give me I don’t already have?
What could I lose by making this change?
How can I make this change ad keep the good things from my current situation?
How will this affect the wider system of my life and those around me?
What is the reality of my life now, before I maek the change?
What is the different between where I am now and where I want to be?
How will I get there? Who and what do I need to help me achieve this?
Is this decision coming from wisdom and courage or fear and doubt?
How important is it to me to make this change?
What will happen if I don’t make this change?

I think that to do this properly would take a bit of time to allow yourself to start the writing process. It might feel a bit stilted at first, but once you make a start, it should flow and become easier to recognise those things and note them all down.

I think its similar to considering how you want to be remembered in life after you’ve gone. Why was she here, what was her purpose, what was the point of her existence?

When I’m feeling a bit low I do sometimes think what is the point of me being here, I’m totally ineffectual and have made no difference to anyone’s life. Not to any dramatic sense, but wonder what I’m doing with my life. Then I realise what I have achieved. I have positioned myself well at work in a job that I mostly enjoy, with a decent salary, which means I can buy the things I want to. I have security, I have a solid family set up, I am safe and secure. I have a hobby that keeps my busy, almost to the point of overload, but that’s my choice to be involved as much as I want to be.

I hope somewhere along the way someone may have found something I’ve said helpful, something I’ve done useful and that for many years yet, I still have some purpose to share.

Have you found your purpose? If so, how?

I’m working through the Live Life Connected programme, a series of videos and resources that support wellness in terms of improving quality sleep, quality nutrition, daily movement, recovery and rest and meaningful connections. The latest section has just gone live in which the facilitator talks about how what we believe can limit our ability. A bit like imposter syndrome I guess.

When something happens in your life, good or bad, do you find yourself making up some sort of story about why it happened? Why someone spoke to you in that way? Or did not interact with you? If you act as if someone is going to be friendly towards you, or act confident, chances are that that is what will happen. That person will be friendly towards you, or you will come across as confident.

What beliefs do you have that are holding you back? Are these beliefs helpful? How do your beliefs make you feel?

The EBA method (Events, Beliefs, Actions) is something that happens all the time subconsciously. An event happens e.g. someone is rude to us, we associate beliefs about that event and then form actions/reactions based on what’s just happened. If our beliefs are negative about what’s just happened our actions become quite defensive.

By taking time to pause when we notice an event and our beliefs starting to creep in, we can distance ourselves from the event to consider what actions/reactions would be more appropriate. We can’t stop events happening but we can try to control our beliefs about it. For example if a friend is unhappy and cuts you off, you might believe they don’t like you or you must have upset them some way. You might choose to avoid them for a while, or confront them about it.

The Three Boxes of Control is a framework that supports Epictetus’ philosophic belief that you should only concern yourself with things that are within your control, and you can only truly control your beliefs, everything else, to some degree or other is outside of your control. Stress and problems we encounter are generally caused when we try to control things we have no control over. If we choose to be happy and content in our own mind and body, we have something that no one else can take away.

When you struggle to keep control of what’s going on there is a simple exercise you can do to help put things into perspective. Draw three boxes and in the first list all the things that are within your control, in the second list all the things that are partially under your control but may be affected by outside influence, then in the third list all the things that are not in your control to change or do anything about. You can then focus mostly on what is within your control and put some effort into those things that are partially in your control. Then try to let all those things go that you have no control over. Don’t spend time worrying about things over which you have no control.

When you’re struggling, ask yourself these three limiting belief breakers:

The counter argument – breakdown a belief by forming the counter argument to it. Question whether what you are believing is right or really true.
Ask yourself whether this belief helpful and if it’s not, then get rid of it.
Look for the alternatives – what else could be happening in that situation? There could be many other reasons why something happened or someone behaved in a certain way.

By taking back control over these elements our life it brings us to the best place in our lives in terms of wellness, motivation and positivity.

Tag: #livelife

Is this it?

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