Tag: #learning

The holy trinity

Its by no coincidence that my blog site is called Bells, Bakes & Bettering Myself. Today I got to do all three. The holy trinity. The hatrick. Whatever you want to call it.

This morning was spent with friends and family in Ringing Room, the virtual #bellringing platform. A group of us from Essex, North Lincolnshire, Derbyshire and Nottinghamshire were able to ring together, have a good natter and make some progress in our learning. Bells part 1. Tick.

Early afternoon was taken up by decorating a cake for me and hublet for valentines day. Now, I need to fess up and admit that I didn’t actually make the cake, I only decorated it. A fantastic website called Sweet Success Cakes https://cccbr.org.uk/2021/02/10/the-survival-and-recovery-toolbox-issue-3/ can ship you ready make cakes in any size and different shapes and flavours you like. I’d already decided that I’m going to make myself a cake for my birthday next week and was looking at the site for some inspiration. They were offering 4 x 4 inch cakes, chocolate, red velvet, lemon and plain for £10. No brainer. Therefore, I decided that I would use one for valentines day, 2 for my birthday and have an extra tall cake and the other one for his birthday. I’ll have a rethink when it comes to our anniversary. All of these dates happen within a month of each other. The cakes can be frozen and defrosted when you need them so that’s handy. Cake done, although I suppose not technically baking but… Bakes. Tick.

Then came a meeting with some members of the Central Council and The Big Ideas Company, an organisation we’ve worked with before on major #bellringing projects. We were kicking around some new ideas for regenerating ringing when we can return post Covid. Bells part 2. Tick.

Then there was a little slot available until dinnertime to do a bit of research. I’m currently doing a free online course about mindfulness and wellbeing. See yesterday’s blog for how that went. The course does require you to do some independent learning so I was having a look about for scholarly articles on the science of mindfulness. Turns out there’s quite a few. I’ve pulled off a few that I think might be interesting. Bettering Myself. Tick.

Bells, Bakes and Bettering Myself. Does what it says on the tin.

The Ladder of Participation

Someone at work mentioned that they were reading an article about the Ladder of Participation.  This got me thinking about my own participation in activities both at work and home, predominantly about the roles I have within the #bellringing community.

The Ladder, devised in the late 1960’s, has three categories: Non-participation, Tokenism and Citizen Power.  Each category has a number of rungs within it that describes how citizens, the general public, can through participation, have more influence in society. https://nhspublicvoice.wordpress.com/2016/10/27/ladder-of-participation-shows-how-involved-you-are/

Starting at the bottom rungs of the ladder in the non-participative categories are Manipulation and Therapy.  These two are there to educate and cure the participant and to achieve public support through PR activities.

The next three rungs are in the Tokenism category and cover Informing, the one way flow of information, Consultation, the use of attitudinal surveys, meetings, public enquiries, but can be seen as a window dressing, before escalating to Placation, allowing citizens to give opinion or advise but holding on to the right to judge the legitimacy of that advice.

The real Citizen Power comes with the top three rungs of the ladder.  Partnership, the redistribution of power between citizens and the power holders with shared decision making.  Delegated Power, where the citizens now have the power to make decisions and assure accountability.  Citizen Control, where the participants hold the power for entire job planning, policy making and managing activities.

In the #bellringing context I can see definite elements of manipulation and therapy and informing, where we are providing information, guidance and exercises to educate and support.  We are currently undertaking various consultations to find out what people want from their #bellringing organisations.  I hope that we do not then use that to placate, but inform decision and policy making.  We have seen some great examples, particularly over the last 12 months or so or partnership, Association of Ringing Teachers, Central Council of Church Bell Ringers and The Ringing World working together.  We are certainly offering opportunities for Delegated Power in the workgroup structure, which allows anyone, even if they are not a Council member to participate and influence the direction we are taking, and providing expertise.  The Citizen Control might be a bit more tricky to manage wholescale, but there are pockets of activities that are directed by the ringers at a local level and we would want to support them with that.

No doubt there is room for improvement at every rung of the ladder, but it was interesting to note that we are on every rung. Where are you on the ladder?

What’s stopping you from letting go?

Another one of those self-awareness quizzes (I’m getting quite in to them now) was all about what’s stopping you from letting things go and moving forward. This could be an incident that keeps holding you back, lack of self-confidence, lack of imagination, capability or opportunity.

So having answered the obligatory 10 questions – why do they feel the need after question 4 and question 8 to let you know that you are now 40% and 80% complete? – it spewed out my results:

Self-Awareness

Ruminating can become habitual, the go-to place for your mind to wander. But constantly rehashing old arguments, decisions or events keeps them live and fresh. Next time you find yourself sucked into an overthinking spiral, check in with how you feel. If your mood has taken a downturn or you’re feeling anxious, your thinking is not helping you resolve anything. Increasing self-awareness by making time every day to do a mindfulness exercise can help you get into the habit of observing the stories your mind is telling you without getting sucked into them. Try starting your day with a mindful shower – focus on feeling all the sensations and smells. When your mind wanders, observe where it has gone without comment or analysis, then bring yourself back to the present. It may also help to schedule daily ‘worry time’ and park your overthinking until a specific time of day, preferably when you’re relaxed and in a good frame of mind. If, when worry time comes around, you don’t want to go over old stuff, that’s a bonus.

I do actually go over things, again and again, and try to understand the different nuances of what has happened, why it happened, what could have been done differently, how I could have reacted differently.  I also spend a lot of time thinking about why am I spending so much time thinking about it.  I often tell myself to move on. 

I guess that I’m one of those who constantly beats myself up about things.  There’s always something I could have done better, or should have done that I didn’t, or did that I shouldn’t have, or that I really ought to give more time to. I replay conversations over in my mind multiple times.  “What if I’d have said this”? or “if they’d have said that I could have…” and so on.

I’m not sure that I want to schedule a daily worry time, as there are some days when I don’t overly worry about anything in particular, and I’m not sure that you can necessarily schedule it.  Things that will cause worry that are triggered by other things and can happen at any time.  I might be in the middle of one thing and something on the radio or that I’ve read will trigger my brain to relive a previous worry.

I try to learn from previous errors and hope not to repeat them (not always necessarily successfully) however, I do find it really hard to forget about them and move on, even when a solution has been found, agreed and implemented.  I will stew over it, even after some considerable time. 

I guess I need to learn how to deal with it in the moment, resolve whatever it is, and then move on.  Step away.  Park it.  Easier said than done.

How adventurous are you?

I do not think I’m the adventurous type at all.  I like home comforts. I like routine.  I like to know what I’m doing and when so that I can plan around it.  I’m not particularly great at trying new experiences.  Although I did do an abseil once.  I did go skiing when I was at school.  I do like to travel and see different places. And I did make my husband do husky sledging a few years back. But I’m not spontaneous, or good at thinking of what others might see as exciting things to do.

So, I thought I’d try and find out what the experts say about whether I’m an adventurous sort or not and turned to one of those on line quizzes that thinks its gets to know all about you and your preferences by asking you a mere 10 multiple choice questions.  According to the results:

You are excited by new experiences

Cosmopolitan, smart and savvy, above all, you get your kicks from interesting experiences. You flourish when your mind and senses are nourished and flounder in a cultural vacuum. The buzz of a new exhibit, the hush as the theatre curtain parts, or the flavours of a new cuisine all excite your palate and thrill your thoughts. For you, the conventional is dreary. Because you open yourself up to a wide array of artistic and intellectual interests, your world is ever expanding.

Well, as it happens, yes I do like the theatre.  We do try to at least make an annual trip to see a West End show each Christmas time (2020 being the exception) and if anything else takes our fancy in the mean time we’d go along.  I do like to learn new things and educate myself.  I enjoy certain types of museums and exhibits and enjoy a good National Trust property or English Heritage site.  I do like eating, so trying new things from time to time is good, and when we are on holiday abroad I do like to try something that might be considered local cuisine (so long as its not fish!).

So I might not be adventurous in the sense that I like to do extreme things like water sports (I have a phobia of water so that’s not going to work), or bungee jumping, or fast paced stuff, I’m more of a slow, steady adventurer. I’m less keen on the “let’s do something crazy” and go for more of the “let’s plan a nice trip out”. 

A while back I did do a year (and am probably still doing it) of saying “yes” to everything that came my way.  This was both exciting to take on new challenges but worrying as some of the things I was asked to do put me in the spotlight, somewhere I’m not comfortable with.  However, it did give me a chance to connect with new people, and has stretched my own learning and capacity. The downside is that I now get involved in lots of things that I can’t always give sufficient time to. So there’s a fine balance needed.

So, maybe I am unconventionally adventurous and my world is ever expanding, just slowly.

Making your voice heard

Have you ever felt like you’re talking to deaf ears?  You’ve been trying to tell someone something for ages and they’re just not listening?  And then they even have the cheek to say that you never told them?

Just lately, I feel that I’ve been telling people what’s been going on but the message just isn’t getting through.  Messages either aren’t being recognised for their content, or not being considered important enough to disseminate, therefore others aren’t finding out, and feel like nothing is being done.

Case in point today.  For the last, who knows how many months, I’ve been telling a group of people what I am doing to help alleviate a situation for a larger group of people.  That larger group of people have not had that information shared with them, so are getting up in arms about things appearing not to be happening. Because the larger group of people are getting irate, they’re taking it out on the smaller group, who are complaining that they are being got at.  I’ve explained so many times that if they bothered to share the information that I’d given them with the larger group, the larger group would be more satisfied and aware of what is happening on their behalf.

Other recent situations have involved one person complaining that things they are responsible for aren’t working properly, so I’ve given advice on things they might like to try instead to see if it improves things (and I know they do because those same things have been employed elsewhere and worked well).  They don’t bother doing anything different and come back again complaining still that things aren’t working right. 

Am I speaking Martian?

I’ve had times when I’ve felt that I’m just not being heard. What’s given me the strength to speak up was having read a book called “Thanks for the Feedback” by Douglas Stone and Sheila Heen.  It gave me some practical tools to apply which ultimately gave me the courage to speak up for myself and get my point across. 

Things that I have learned about trying to get my point across is that people need to be understood, be clear on what their own issues are, but also be clear on what my concerns are.  People need to be educated rather than blamed or accused of something.  It gets a far better response. Having clear expectations means that there should be no room for misunderstanding, and clearly people I’ve come in to contact with either need it repeating multiple times until it sinks in, or in writing so that I can refer them back to it.

Yet still some people don’t, or won’t listen.

Travelling all over the Country

Today was an epic day of activity for me on Ringing Room. This time of year we would ordinarily be #bellringing with a group of friends that we meet up with twice a year. Without being able to meet up for real we decided to try holding a virtual tower grab through the wonders of Ringing Room. On Saturday we had five towers to log in and out of that virtually had us travelling from Oxfordshire to Essex and back again. There are more towers on Sunday from Essex, Portsmouth and Nottingham. We may also try some quarter peals on Sunday morning as well.

So having spent an hour and a half in and out of various towers ringing all sorts of random methods, I then had a Cast of 1000 session for an hour and a half, where I was one of the students practicing spliced Cambridge, Yorkshire and Superlative Surprise Major, and some Lessness and Bristol Surprise Major.

Bearing in mind I’m nursing a stinking cold now as well, my brain was well and truly fried by the end of it. There was very little time between my Cast of 1000 ringing and the evening social Zoom event as part of the ringing weekend, so we cheated and C grabbed a chinese takeaway whilst I was ringing. Just about had enough time to eat it before logging back in to Zoom again.

There were nearly 20 of us on a Zoom chat, catching up as we missed out on the summer tour. We had a short business meeting as well just to think about plans for the year ahead, although its still unlikely that we’ll be able to have the summer tour this year either.

Its quite marvellous how we are all able to continue to ring and meet up with with people, albeit virtually.

Slave to the Rhythm

Having allowed myself the time to read some incredibly useful and illuminating books recently, I’m learning a lot about how the human body functions, it needs and ways in which to support it both physically and psychologically. The latest revelation was around the study of the traditional Chinese medicine understanding that you can make more out of your day by syncing your activities and energies with the times of the day that certain organs perform at their peak.

For example, the lungs peak performance time is between 3am and 5am, so this might be the best time for deep, restorative sleep, whereas the heart performs best between 11am and 1pm, so the ideal time for getting the blood circulating through exercise with high energy levels and eating a light lunch, so that come 1pm to 3pm your small intestine can sort and absorb food.

From about 7pm onwards the rhythm of the body clock is starting to wind down and the circulatory systems can focus on carrying nutrients around the body, a time to start to settle down for the evening. Sleeping between 9pm to 5am allows the gall bladder and liver to be most effective, cleansing the body of toxins, ready to start over when the lungs are preparing to restore oxygen to your muscles for the day ahead.

It was really interested to compare that clock to my daily routines. I get up around 6am, start work at 7.30am, have breakfast around 8.30-9am, just as my stomach is at peak efficiency and concentration levels should be highest. I go for a walk most lunch times, so that could be anywhere between 12noon and 2pm, at exactly the right time for my energy levels to be at their highest. I do suffer from the mid afternoon slumps, but being at work can’t partake of a short nap, but do feel that I need a sugar boost around 3pm, so cup of mint tea and a snack to keep me going. We do tend to eat our evening meal some time between 6pm and 7pm, so at the right time for my kidneys to be storing nutrients. Then, unless I have a meeting in the evening, or I’m at a virtual #bellringing session, I’m usually fairly zonked out on the sofa from then on in. I do have a bad habit of curling up with my sofa blanket, then falling asleep around 9.30pm, wake up again around midnight and head straight to bed where I can usually fall asleep fairly quickly and thoroughly until the alarm rips me awake again at 6am.

So, without realising it, I am actually quite in sync with my organ body clock. I am already a slave to the rhythm.

Changing the Goal Posts

Things are always changing. How many of us has had a job description that bears no resemblance to the role that we actually do? How many times have we decided on a particular course of action then something has come along and meant that we had to go in a different direction, whether wanted or not? For those who project manage, how many times has the scope of your project changed, and resulted in having to adopt different technologies or processes or had to be scaled back or scaled up? How many times has our personal circumstances changed over the years? Change happens all the time. Its how we respond to those changes that makes the difference.

My personal circumstances have changed over the years from being a child, leaving school for the workplace, changing jobs, changing partners, becoming a wife and a mother, going back to higher education, becoming responsible for the delivery of projects, becoming responsible for the delivery of service, becoming responsible for a team of staff, being responsible for bellringing activities locally, nationally and internationally.

If you’re not used to change though it can be uncomfortable. Kubler Ross’s change cycle likens the change process to the same phases that a person might go through the grief cycle: first the shock that something might actually happen followed by the denial that it will happen, the “how many times have I heard that one” scenario. This is followed by the frustration and anger when we realise that things are going to be different and then the depression of things that are happening that may be out of our control and the lack of energy to get involved with it. But then things start to look up again when we start to engage with what’s going on and start to get curious. Then we start to feel more positive about the situation as we learn more about it and experiment with how the new situation is going to work then we become fully integrated with the new ways of life. Of course, how long we individually spend in each of these zones is a purely personal thing and we don’t move on until we are ready no matter how hard someone else pushes.

Some people struggle with change as they fear that they may be losing something. It might be that they will no longer be the acknowledged expert in that field, or that they may be replaced by technology or a younger, cheaper model, or that they might not be able to cope with the change, particularly where new technology is involved. Where regular routine is changing some people might be fearful of a change in security or safety. People are likely to be more resistant to change if they are not involved in the process from the start. As well as being anxious, they can become downright obstructive.

Having a positive attitude to change means that we spend less time in the frustration, anger and depressing phases because our mindset is already moving on to finding what the positives are and how we can be involved and engaged with the change, and learn what the benefits are going to be. Looking to the past and accepting it for what it was is only useful if we learn from it and move on. Accepting and embracing change early on allows you to adapt more quickly and be more flexible. The more often we encounter change, the easier it becomes to adjust.

I find that resisting change takes far too much energy. Even if I don’t necessarily agree with the change that is being put forward, more often that not, its going to happen anyway, so I may as well accept that and make the best out of it. Who knows where it could lead ?

First, Treble Bob, Near, Full, Far (Repeat)

Cheating somewhat I know, but that’s how I remember Double Norwich Court Bob Major, by reciting First, Treble Bob, Near, Full, Far, Repeat. The purists amongst ringers will probably tell me that’s absolutely heinous, but it works for me.

I’ve never really been able to learn methods the “right way”. When I first started to learn methods, some 39 years ago, I would usually be presented with a table with 3 columns, the work of the bell, what happens at a bob and what happens next. No explaination. No mention of place bells, no clues to the method construction. I just learnt the work by rote. That’s just how it was done where we were. The locals didn’t know any different, so they couldn’t teach any different.

Now, fast forward many, many years and I’m trying to learn more complex methods and even, on the rare occasion trying to splice a few of them, and I really struggle. When I learn a new method I try my hardest to learn the start of each place bell but I don’t seem to be able to break it up that way. I learn the whole of the blue line by sort of rythmically reciting the piece of work. Given that generally I tend to ring round the front to middle bells (depending on how many), I have no idea what the back bells ststart with. I look at the work of the 2 and that, to me, is where the methods starts. When I ring the same method from a different bell, it’s like learning a whole new method all over again, although by the time I get to what I can actually recognise as where the 2nd starts, I can relax a bit. This does make it rather difficult to be able to just join in on any bell, or to ring on higher numbers as trying to recite a whole blue line can be difficult to remember.

This is probably the biggest thing that sets me back with ringing.

Not so long ago, I was about to participate in a virtual #bellringing session and the instructions were sent through via email and said that the other learner in my session wanted to practice splicing all the right place methods. I had absolutely no idea what that meant. When someone says to me that I’m (insert bell number of your choice here) place bell, they may as well be talking Martian in all but the very basic of methods.

Now, I’m a grown up, and you could argue that I should be able to go away and find out these things for myself and try to learn and understand what all this jargon means. I’ve tried. I’ve picked up books that claim to explain how to learn methods and within about a paragraph or two, I’ve switched off. Maybe I’m just not being receptive enough to the information that is being presented to me. Maybe it’s my own self-sabotage that says that I’ll never understand it anyway, so why bother trying. I’ve tried writing methods out, by place bells, to break them down to their constituent parts, but once the blue line “clicks” it all merges in to one long line and I have a job undoing it all again.

There are some methods that I can now recognise certain place bells, but that’s only because I’ve been ringing those methods for a very long time, and had the opportuntity to ring them from different bells often enough. However, as someone who can easily ring Cambridge Surprise Major, Royal and Maximus, I have no idea what any of the bells above 6th place does to start with. If I were to ring one of those bells, I would need to learn its start all over again and get to a place, or a pattern, in the method that I was familiar with.

For where I am in my ringing career right now, using cheats like First, Treble Bob, Near, Full, Far, Repeat for Double Norwich, and Two and a Penny, One and Tuppence for Erin works, but I guess I’ll have to put more effort in if I’m ever going to crack splicing the Standard Eight!

Magazine Questionnaires

Do you ever do those questionnaires in magazines? You know, the ones that tell you, depending on your score, what is in store for you in the coming year, what your personality traits are, or what your love life will have in store?

I remember as a kid the only magazine I bought with any regularity was Smash Hits. The only questionnaires they did worked out which pop star you were likely to marry. Of course you had to do the quiz over and over again until you got the answer you wanted. BTW, the only legitimate answer was Simon le Bon 😍

As I progressed (?) on to mags like Cosmopolitan the questionnaires were more along the lines of “how to make him fancy you” and “why your friends don’t like you much”. I guess they thought they were some sort of attempt at self help.

In the workplace over the years I’ve done many, many psychometric tests like Belbin, designed to find out your fundamental personality traits, then try to convince you how you and your colleagues could all work together in perfect harmony despite your differences. I’ve done Belbin so many times for different reasons. I still come out as ISTJ, the logistician. Introverted, observant, thinking and judging. I like facts and data. I like methodology and practicality. It means I’m honest and direct, strong willed, dutiful, responsible, practical. But on the flip side I can be stubborn, insensitive, always by the book, judgy, and self blaming when things fail.

Because I’m not spontaneous or outgoing I find it hard to make friends or trust people’s motives, or express emotions freely (until really pushed). This is the area I’m working on hardest and the moment and I don’t mind telling you, its bloody hard.

I did a magazine questionnaire this week in Psychologies Magazine about what kind of comfort do you need. Each question has 4 options to choose from then you count the times you’ve selected a particular response and it tries to explain what area you need to search in order to find solace.

Have you ever noticed there’s always at least one question where none of the answers is applicable?

Apparently, according to the number of hearts, diamonds, circles and squares I ticked, I have equal measure of hearts and squares. That means that I need to be looking for something spiritual and relational.

By spiritual it doesn’t mean finding God or some mystical thing, but could be in the form of rituals that allow time for reflection, and to connect with others. It suggests that I should focus on treating everyone with kindness, respect and lack of judgement and increase deep listening, filter out the gossip.

Relational suggests investing in meaningful connections with people and changing the relationship I have with myself. Being more compassionate with myself will, apparently, help me find comfort from others.

So, take my intovertedness and difficulty in making friends, insensitivity, stubbornness and self deprecation and just go out there and make meaningful connections. Just like that. Easy. Not.

Suggestions welcome.