Tag: #empathy

Empathy, empathy, they’ve all got it empathy

OK, really bad pun on the Carry On film where Kenneth Williams plays Julius Caeser and utters those immortal words “infamy, infamy, they’ve all got it infamy”!

Anyone who has been on a leadership course will have been told that a leader needs to have multiple skills in order to be effective.  They must be good at influencing others, planning, building and maintaining relationships, finding ways to improve things, set the direction of the team, create the vision and delivery the strategy.  There are so many things that a leader must be good at or develop in order for perceived success.

With the sphere of building and maintaining good relationships comes the essential skill of empathy in order to achieve engagement, happiness and performance.

These days, especially post-pandemic (yes, I am aware it’s not over yet but the way people are behaving they seem to think it is), people are suffering more from the stresses of the workplace.  You could read this into any walk of life where there is a leadership role, e.g. a voluntary position.  There has been a decline in mental health with 67% of people in a global study experiencing increase anxiety and stress. People are more openly admitting to being sad, irritable, and having more trouble concentrating, taking longer to think things through and finding it harder to juggle their responsibilities. An article in Forbes by Tracy Brower stated that more people suffer from sleep deprivation due to stress and that people experience more negative feelings that spill over into their personal lives when they get an “off” email at work.  When people experience rudeness at work it can have a negative affect on performance, turnover and customer/patient experience.

Being more empathetic during tough times can be a powerful contribution to positive experiences both for individuals and teams.

When people receive more empathy from their leaders they are more innovative, engaged and less likely to want to leave the team or organisation. People feel more included and find a better work/life balance, and therefore more able to cope with juggling their responsibilities.

Brower stated that leaders can demonstrate empathy in two ways:

  1. Consider someone else’s thoughts through cognitive empathy. Think if you were in the other person’s position what would they be thinking.
  2. Use emotional empathy.  Think what it would feel like to be in the other person’s position.

Leaders don’t need to be experts in mental health.  Its enough to check in, ask questions and take cues from what’s being said, or not said.  Where there is alignment between what the leader says and does, there is a greater feeling of trust and engagement from others. Empathy in action is understanding someone else’s problems and doing something to help. Its considering another person’s perspective with compassion.

Empathy is something that I have awoken to more during the last couple of years.  Empathy, empathy, we can all show empathy.

Charismatic as a cabbage

Some people just have it.  The poise, the confidence, the strong measured voice using well-chosen words in a relaxed tone, they look and sound the part.  They are indeed charm personified. They have “it”, that charisma that captivates and positively influences and connects to others on a physical, emotional and intellectual level. https://www.success.com/7-qualities-of-the-most-charming-people/

This week’s interesting read from Success Magazine offers 7 qualities that people with charisma possess and why it is important to try to emulate them:

  1. They smile, sit or stand up straight, look people in the eye when they’re talking, instead of slumping or keeping a straight face all the time.  Their body language gives out unconscious positive signals.
  2. They can distil complex ideas into simple messages and don’t over complicate things, and are therefore more persuasive.
  3. They have the innate ability to speak well and articulate their ideas well without preamble or waffle.
  4. They are active listeners, making others feel special and heard.
  5. They notice time and space and ensure that they are on time to meetings and provide the right time and space for a conversation.
  6. They build rapport by adapting to others’ personalities.
  7. They have something to say.  Being great at listening and being persuasive doesn’t count if you have nothing to say.

We have come to expect more from people, we want them to be more understanding, empathetic, to empower others.  Someone with charisma sees all problems as solvable and encourages others to step forward. 

Sadly the article doesn’t offer advice or suggest ways for those of us with less charisma as to how we might improve.  And some of these things would be more difficult to achieve if you were more of an introvert. 

In a separate article, the same magazine does offer ways to develop your charisma https://www.success.com/6-ways-to-unlock-your-charisma/

  1. Be attentive, if you find your mind wandering during the dullest of meetings, pull it back and be present in the present.
  2. Put people before rank.  Engage with the person, not their job title.  Take time to see the person within.
  3. Be curious, ask questions, listen and be positive, draw people out and engage in a proper conversation with them.
  4. Be aware of your tone of voice, friendly facial expression, open gestures and fully facing someone you’re having a conversation with.
  5. Empower others by sharing a personal experience of your own.  Give it that personal touch.
  6. Be self-aware and don’t try to manipulate a connection.  Others will see straight through it.

I know for sure that my face tends to give away too much if I’m bored by someone’s conversation, or I think they’ve said something ridiculous.  Either that, or I go stony faced and have no expression at all and then people have no idea what I’m thinking and it unnerves them. I probably waffle a bit sometimes, other times I want to get to the point and move on.

 I do try to be a good listener but there are certain subjects that my brain just totally switches off from, like sport and try as I might to be interested for the sake of others, I just can’t do it. Its all too easy now to be on a Zoom call, looking like you’re looking at the screen and paying attention, but all the while your reading emails or doing something else.  A particular skill if you can touch type.

I guess on the charismatic scale of 0-10 I’m probably about a 2, about as charismatic as a cabbage (apologies to cabbages everywhere).