Changing the Goal Posts

Things are always changing. How many of us has had a job description that bears no resemblance to the role that we actually do? How many times have we decided on a particular course of action then something has come along and meant that we had to go in a different direction, whether wanted or not? For those who project manage, how many times has the scope of your project changed, and resulted in having to adopt different technologies or processes or had to be scaled back or scaled up? How many times has our personal circumstances changed over the years? Change happens all the time. Its how we respond to those changes that makes the difference.

My personal circumstances have changed over the years from being a child, leaving school for the workplace, changing jobs, changing partners, becoming a wife and a mother, going back to higher education, becoming responsible for the delivery of projects, becoming responsible for the delivery of service, becoming responsible for a team of staff, being responsible for bellringing activities locally, nationally and internationally.

If you’re not used to change though it can be uncomfortable. Kubler Ross’s change cycle likens the change process to the same phases that a person might go through the grief cycle: first the shock that something might actually happen followed by the denial that it will happen, the “how many times have I heard that one” scenario. This is followed by the frustration and anger when we realise that things are going to be different and then the depression of things that are happening that may be out of our control and the lack of energy to get involved with it. But then things start to look up again when we start to engage with what’s going on and start to get curious. Then we start to feel more positive about the situation as we learn more about it and experiment with how the new situation is going to work then we become fully integrated with the new ways of life. Of course, how long we individually spend in each of these zones is a purely personal thing and we don’t move on until we are ready no matter how hard someone else pushes.

Some people struggle with change as they fear that they may be losing something. It might be that they will no longer be the acknowledged expert in that field, or that they may be replaced by technology or a younger, cheaper model, or that they might not be able to cope with the change, particularly where new technology is involved. Where regular routine is changing some people might be fearful of a change in security or safety. People are likely to be more resistant to change if they are not involved in the process from the start. As well as being anxious, they can become downright obstructive.

Having a positive attitude to change means that we spend less time in the frustration, anger and depressing phases because our mindset is already moving on to finding what the positives are and how we can be involved and engaged with the change, and learn what the benefits are going to be. Looking to the past and accepting it for what it was is only useful if we learn from it and move on. Accepting and embracing change early on allows you to adapt more quickly and be more flexible. The more often we encounter change, the easier it becomes to adjust.

I find that resisting change takes far too much energy. Even if I don’t necessarily agree with the change that is being put forward, more often that not, its going to happen anyway, so I may as well accept that and make the best out of it. Who knows where it could lead ?

Magazine Questionnaires

Do you ever do those questionnaires in magazines? You know, the ones that tell you, depending on your score, what is in store for you in the coming year, what your personality traits are, or what your love life will have in store?

I remember as a kid the only magazine I bought with any regularity was Smash Hits. The only questionnaires they did worked out which pop star you were likely to marry. Of course you had to do the quiz over and over again until you got the answer you wanted. BTW, the only legitimate answer was Simon le Bon 😍

As I progressed (?) on to mags like Cosmopolitan the questionnaires were more along the lines of “how to make him fancy you” and “why your friends don’t like you much”. I guess they thought they were some sort of attempt at self help.

In the workplace over the years I’ve done many, many psychometric tests like Belbin, designed to find out your fundamental personality traits, then try to convince you how you and your colleagues could all work together in perfect harmony despite your differences. I’ve done Belbin so many times for different reasons. I still come out as ISTJ, the logistician. Introverted, observant, thinking and judging. I like facts and data. I like methodology and practicality. It means I’m honest and direct, strong willed, dutiful, responsible, practical. But on the flip side I can be stubborn, insensitive, always by the book, judgy, and self blaming when things fail.

Because I’m not spontaneous or outgoing I find it hard to make friends or trust people’s motives, or express emotions freely (until really pushed). This is the area I’m working on hardest and the moment and I don’t mind telling you, its bloody hard.

I did a magazine questionnaire this week in Psychologies Magazine about what kind of comfort do you need. Each question has 4 options to choose from then you count the times you’ve selected a particular response and it tries to explain what area you need to search in order to find solace.

Have you ever noticed there’s always at least one question where none of the answers is applicable?

Apparently, according to the number of hearts, diamonds, circles and squares I ticked, I have equal measure of hearts and squares. That means that I need to be looking for something spiritual and relational.

By spiritual it doesn’t mean finding God or some mystical thing, but could be in the form of rituals that allow time for reflection, and to connect with others. It suggests that I should focus on treating everyone with kindness, respect and lack of judgement and increase deep listening, filter out the gossip.

Relational suggests investing in meaningful connections with people and changing the relationship I have with myself. Being more compassionate with myself will, apparently, help me find comfort from others.

So, take my intovertedness and difficulty in making friends, insensitivity, stubbornness and self deprecation and just go out there and make meaningful connections. Just like that. Easy. Not.

Suggestions welcome.

Surround sound

How often do we get an opportunity to just sit and listen, I mean REALLY listen to the sounds around us?

Both C and I were sat out our respective desks in the study, going about our business when it suddenly hit my ears there there was silence. Neither of us were speaking. At the time neither of us was hammering our keyboards or frantically clicking a mouse. But then I noticed the non-silence which actually became quite loud.

I could hear the birds twittering in the back garden, as clear as a bell. The hum from the fan on C’s PC, continual hum. The wall clock ticking, so loudly too that it beggers belief that sometimes you barely notice it at all. There was an occasional mouse click as one or other of us scrolled up whatever it was we were reading on the screen. There was a throat clearing after a glug of water. There was a chair squeaking under the pressure of shifting weight. There was an airplane outside on its way to, or from, who knows where. There was pen scratching on paper as I was making notes. There was a belly rumble and an over emphasised exhalation.

Within the space of somewhere between 5 to 10 minutes there were all these sounds surrounding me, but there was silence. Peaceful, gratifying, restorative. All of these amazing sounds that I might have missed had the radio in the kitchen been on, or had I been hammering away at documents or emails, or people talking.

Silence can provide us with so many benefits if we choose to allow them into our lives.

It can allow us to concentrate and focus, which apparently can be lost if the sound is over 80 decibels. Obviously the writer of that point has never been to a #bellringing practice where concentration is required despite the noise of the bells.

It can allow our minds to be more creative. Some eminent scientists did their best creative work after a period of solitude and quietness.

It can allow us to discover how we may improve our lives when attention is given to self awareness practices. Taking time to self reflect can help figure out what and where we want to be.

It can help relax us and reduce stress levels if we allow a period of silence.

It can affect our ability to learn. The more noise we are exposed to the worse we perform and find it harder to concentrate.

Doing nothing and remaining silent can increase productivity of new brain cells, which in turn supports greater productivity as much as tenfold.

Silence can help cultivate calmness and peacefulness when you regularly practice silence and patience.

If you are able to, I invite you to sit somewhere comfortable and just be silent for even just a few moments. Make a note of all the things that you can hear in the silence. You’ll be surprised how much surround sound there is.

The 6 Domains of Resilience

The #MSEBUDDYNETWORK I’m part of at work is a great resource for being able to support colleagues who just feel that they need someone to listen to them, for somewhere safe to spout off, or to just reflect and recoup.

There have been some great resources shared throughout the programme and another such example was shared yesterday. Available via the NHS Leadership Academy (through whom I did my Elizabeth Garrett Anderson Senior Healthcare Leadership MSc) are some bite size learning snippets around health and wellbeing conversations specially focusing on resilience.

The resource was developed by Sonya Wallbank, a clinical psychologist and organisational development lead. It is broken down into 6 dimensions covering Vision, Reasoning, Adaptability, Responses, Health and Relationships. Each dimension then goes on to explain its impact and offers suggestions to think about how we could focus our energies into improving them.

The resource is there to support facilitators of conversations and can be applied to your own experiences as well as used as a template to help others. My personal opinion is that we should not expect to help others where we cannot help ourselves first, so for me to support anyone else, I need to understand my own experience.

VISION: This is about setting personal goals and values and understanding why we do what we do and helping shift our anxieties and concerns into hope and curiosity. The questions posed are about asking yourself what you believe is your purpose in life, whether you are engaged in activities that bring out the best in you and inspire you, and what are your goals and how could you get nearer to them.

REASONING: This is our ability to problem solve, be resourceful and anticipate and plan for things and our reactions to set backs. The ask is to reflect on how you react to change in plans, what you need to be able to cope better with change or difficult circumstances, and how you could plan for a range of different potential scenaios.

ADAPTABILITY: Considering our ability to bounce back, be realistically optimistic and flexible about expectations and acceptance of change. You might need to consider how you adapt to last minute changes of plans, how to say “no” or “I could do that if…” instead of saying “yes“, and what could you achieve if you had a bit of extra help.

RESPONSES: How do we react emotionally, psychologically and biologically, to what’s going on around us. What are the things that you are worried about that you could do something about, what are the things that are outside of your control, do you need extra help to get you through this response?

HEALTH: How we feel plays a major part, how are we physically, financially and environmentally. Are there simple changes to lifestyle that could help, do you need help with controlling finances, are you OK in your work or home space?

RELATIONSHIPS: Our culture, team and other relationships all contribute to our resilience. Is there anything that leaders or colleagues could do to help make you feel safer in sharing ideas or opinions, where can you get support outside of your team, what networks and communities do you connect with and what will enable you to thrive.

Another great resource that enables us to help others. But as I said, in order to help others I need to be able to understand my own responses, so I’ll have a sit down and think.