Do you have an invisibility cloak?

According to a study, reported in Platinum Magazine, 70% of women believe they become invisible after the age of 45 but only 32% think the same applies to men. How do men feel about that? Would they say it’s true?

Have you ever experienced not getting served in the pub or being talked over in front of others? Do you ever feel that you are not noticed, seen or heard, or considered to have a valuable enough opinion, or relevant expertise? Is it down to the vibes we give off ourselves? That self-fulfilling prophecy?

A contributor to this article suggested that we (women) need to lead by example and not fade away, letting our expression, influence, legacy and knowledge crumble. We need to be seen, to be heard and to be fabulous.

Yet invisibility can provide an element of freedom. OK, we may be considered as less desirable and may feel less relevant or interesting, but in becoming less visible, we can become freer, more independent. We no longer need to worry about what others think, or care too much about how we look or act in public. It can be liberating. With life no longer being dominated by looks or the pressure to appear young, we avoid unwanted attention. Some of us just want peace and quiet. There’s a different kind of confidence that comes with the devil-may-care attitude.

Middle age invisibility can be a great leveller. If you have that group of friends that has the pretty one, the clever one, the funny one, the kind one, now you’re all getting older, the pretty one is less likely to be able to rely on that, whereas at least the rest of you are still clever, funny and kind.

It’s up to us to help change perception about value being associated with youth and beauty, so that women are listened to for the experience, wisdom and decency, and have a lot more to offer than just a pretty face.

There are a few people, both male and female that make me feel invisible. They’ll talk over me. Not ask if I’d like another drink whilst they’re getting others one. Butt in and give the answer I was in the process of giving (maybe I wasn’t getting to the point quick enough).

When I grew up I was always referred to as one or other of my sibling’s younger sister. When I got married I then became C’s wife. When R was at school I was always her mum. I didn’t have my own identity or visibility for very many years. Work is the only environment where I’m known for myself. But even there I can skulk back into the background, get talked over, or not given the chance to participate in the conversation. I am learning to not let that bother me so much, but also stand my ground when I do have something to say.

There are times when I want to be invisible. To hibernate away from life and people and enjoy my own, cozy world. There are others where I want to be visible either for my own benefit or in support of others. If I notice someone else not participating, or being talked over, I will bring them in so that they too can be seen and heard.

How do you make yourself seen and heard, or do you prefer to be invisible?

6 Ways to beat burnout

We all have very busy lives. Work, home, social, family, friends. Almost all of our waking hours are filled with activity or interaction. Sometimes, one or more of those things escalates creating a shift in our energy. We may have a project at work that is coming to a critical stage and requires more hours and effort. We may be dealing with a family situation that takes time and emotional effort. This can leave us feeling drained and burnt out. Particularly if we’re burning the candle at both ends on a regular basis, or what we’re doing is particularly stressful. When we are emotionally stressed this has a greater impact on our physical wellbeing.

Burnout expert Rosie Millen writes in Top Sante magazine and offers six tips on how to beat burnout:

Write down your thoughts – for each thought ask if that negative thought became a reality, what would happen. Write down the worst case scenario, the best case scenario and what is most likely to actually happen. You are more likely to realise that you’re able to deal with each thought.
Talk – taking with family or friends is a great way to reduce the intensity of your worries.
Focus on good – spend time focussing on what you have and the good things in life, rather than what you don’t have and can’t do. List three things you have achieved each day and three things you are grateful for at that precise moment in your life. Just thinking about these can improve your mood.
Ask yourself “is it useful”? – when you next have a negative thought, ask yourself this question. More often than not, it isn’t.
Distract and interrupt – when you sense a negative thought emerging, distract yourself by doing something else and step away from the situation. Go for a walk, make a brew, bake a cake (my personal favourite activity). Shift your perspective.
Meditate – take time to focus on your breathing helps reduce stress levels. Meditation can help anxiety, depression and pain. Try deep breathing exercises a couple of times throughout your day.

My personal response to most things is to sleep. If I’m stressed I’ll sleep, if I’m overwhelmed I’ll sleep, if I’m worried I’ll sleep. I haven’t found anything yet that stops me from sleeping. I have a lot going on most of the time and sometimes I feel it getting a bit on top of me. As I mentioned the other day, occasionally, I’ll just down tools and step away, then get back to it when I’m in the right head space.

Sleep may well be my response mechanism to tiredness and burnout. Perhaps, subconsciously, I think that if I’m asleep I can’t worry about it, or it can’t hurt me. As a woman of a certain age, one of the signs of menopause is lack of sleep, but that’s not something I’m experiencing so far!

Another trick I use is to break things down into smaller, more manageable things. I’ll write that email today, then I’ll finish the report tomorrow.

I also manage my phone and emails quite well at home. I might read the messages, but won’t necessarily rush to answer it straight away, unless of course it is urgent. C sometimes comes in from the study and tells me at about 11pm that I have emails to read. My usual response is, “tomorrow”. Anyone who emails that late in the day cannot expect an instant reply. My phone may ping in to the evening, but most of it is social media alerts. I don’t pick my phone up every time. I’ll check it just before going to bed just to make sure there hasn’t been some catastrophe, and I certainly don’t take my phone to the bedroom. Anyone that needs to get hold of me in an emergency has other ways of being able to get hold of me, and anyone who can’t, doesn’t need to.

I also try to make time to plan. I know that’s not always possible, but when it is, I’ll take time to read, make notes, develop thoughts and ideas, consider options and responses. I try not to knee jerk react to things where I can.

What’s your top tip for beating burnout?

Can you predict your reactions in unpredictable times?

Uncertainly is all around us. We live in turbulent and changing times. How we deal with it and accept and even embrace it can be transforming. There are so many conflicting things that we have to try to make sense of in our personal and professional lives. The only certainty is uncertainty.

There are four types of uncertainly, according to a paper by Barry Mason entitled “Towards Positions of Safe Uncertainty”:

Unsafe uncertainty – dangerous, unclear, chaotic, random
Unsafe certainty – controlling, toxic, negative, critical
Safe uncertainty – adaptive, innovative, challenging
Safe certainty – comfort zone, repetitive, complacent

Mason suggested that safe uncertainty was the most helpful where there is a foundation of security but within that freedom for creativity and exploration of new ideas.

Mithu Storoni wrote problems occur when uncertainty doesn’t happen in short bursts but is prolonged. Our brains change the way we process information so that stimulus is perceived as more negative. With this negativity we become hyper vigilant to threat that can manifest as chronic stress. She noted one of the biggest sources of uncertainty in today’s world was not knowing how to interpret the intentions or actions of other people.

How we react in unpredictable times can make a big different to our experience of life. The ten question quiz on the subject in Psychologies Magazine suggested my uncertainty response was overthinking:

“When you’re a worrier, its no surprise that when life becomes uncertain, your thinking goes into overdrive. Sometimes, it makes sense to think through possibilities. But, if you allow yourself to ruminate long enough, you can convince yourself that your worst-case scenario fantasies are actually real. The knock-on effect means that stress and anxiety levels go up. It’s hard to keep a perspective on risk when you’re in flight-or-flight mode, so you can end up stuck, avoiding making decisions or taking opportunities that are open to you. And it’s only by exposing yourself to uncertainty that you develop your tolerance for it.

Mindfulness may help rein in you imagination. When you feel your anxiety levels rising, try using your breath as an anchor for your mind, or simply grounding yourself in the present moment by checking in with your sense, and noticing what you can hear, smell and see. Sometimes there isn’t a wrong or right decision, just different paths. Try ‘sitting with’ the uncomfortable feelings triggered by uncertainty, and you might be surprised to find they start to dissolve, or become easier to tolerate”

I’m not a worrier particularly but there are times when I get an idea in my head that I can’t shake, I’m convinced something is going on when it’s not. There must be something going on otherwise why does x,y,z happen? I can get myself in a bit of spin over it and allow it to impact relationships. The stupid thing is, by thinking the worst-case scenario that isn’t really happening, am I increasing the chances of it happening because that’s how I’m visualising it?

How does your anxiety manifest?

In another Psychologies Magazine ten question quiz, it looked at what your worry weak spot is. How anxiety manifests for you can highlight your emotional shaky areas.

The questions covered what you notice changes in you when life gets challenging, your go to stress reliever, how anxiety makes you feel, your priority when you are calm, how others see you when you’re anxious, how you feel when you are most resilient to anxiety, what you do after a period of anxiety, what you are when at your very best, what you lose perspective on when in the throws of anxiety and what you admire about others.

My responses from the four possible choices to each question put me, but only just, into focus being the thing that is most affected by my anxiety. I’m not an overly anxious person really, I don’t think anyway, but here’s what it had to say:

“When your anxiety levels go up, you mainly struggle to keep all your plates spinning, especially if you normally only manage it by the skin of your teeth. When your life is built like a house of cards, it doesn’t take much for it to come tumbling down. Anxiety limits our ability to multitask for a reason – you need a narrow focus when you’re in survival mode. Tasks you normally fly through can take much longer, and you may find yourself stuck in procrastination mode. You might not immediately attribute your lack of focus to anxiety, and start wondering if it’s time to move on, or question whether you are up to the job at hand. This kind of anxiety is often a first sign of burnout. If you react by thinking you just need to work harder, you only make it worse.

Right now, you need to lower your expectations of yourself. Focus on one important task at a time in short chunks, broken up be restorative breaks when you do something different, like enjoy a cup of tea outdoors or by a window. You mind is telling you that it’s overloaded by are you ready to listen?”

I do have a lot going on most of the time. I have a full-time job, a full-time hobby, I’m a district officer, and Association officer, and Central Council officer, and have a family. But I like to be busy. There are times though when I recognise things are getting a little bit on top of me.

My go to response is usually to shut down and not do any of it terribly effectively, or at all. Fortunately, these bouts are few and far between, and are usually ended with a burst of efficient productivity. I will put things off on the grounds that I’m not in the right frame of mind to deal with it right now. But when I’m back on it, I’m on it with a vengeance.

I am quite good at breaking tasks down into smaller pieces of work. My process mapping type brain seems to be able to sort and filter the things that I can do now, and things that are interconnected so make sense to do at the same time, with those things that are not urgent or important, but can wait until I either have everything I need or am in the right frame of mind to deal with it, or the fallout it might generate.

How does your anxiety show up? And how do you recognise when it does?

Why are you so hard on yourself?

Are you one of those people who are kind to everyone else but rarely to yourself? Apparently, most of us are like this. I know I am. I will sit with others whilst they go through drama and trauma, but when I have my own to deal with, I tend to brush it under the carpet.

In a recent Psychologies Magazine ten question quiz, I wanted to find out what was standing in the way of my self-compassion. Turns out, and not really surprisingly, what is draining my self-compassion is self-doubt.

The questions asked what we do when things go wrong, what we feel are the benefits of self-compassion, what our most common cause of stress is, what we wished for more of, how we allowed self-compassion to show itself, when we needed support from a friend, what we think of self-compassion, when we feel happiest what how life would be easier if we were better at something.

For once, my results came out almost exclusively as one of the four possible responses, although there were a couple of questions where none of the answer options really fitted for me. The other reasons were self-pity, self-sabotage and self-neglect. Reading through their descriptions, I found some elements that I also resonated with. The self-doubt summary was:

“You have an ambivalent view of self-kindness. You know it’s a good thing and may encourage loved ones to be kinder to themselves, but you apply different rules to yourself. At the heart of your resistance is a fear that being kind means accepting yourself as you are now. That self-acceptance is the foundation of self-compassion is a tricky concept for those who see themselves as a work in progress, but research shows that people who score highly in self-compassion have the greatest motivation for self-improvement. It is a myth that being hard on yourself fosters drive.

When you hold back from loving and accepting yourself until you’re a ‘better’ person, you give yourself the message that you’re not enough. That undermining self-belief acts as a brake for even the most focused attempts to achieve. If this is an old story don’t you owe it to yourself to try something new? Talk to yourself as compassionately as you would a friend and shift your mental focus to spotlight the best in yourself and what is going well, then watch yourself flourish”.

I know that I have embarked on a bit of a mission of self-improvement but it doesn’t make me feel that I am not enough. I am merely trying to recognise where I have room for development of self-awareness which actually includes learning more about my self-worth. I don’t think it’s the same as thinking I’m not good enough. I am good enough and I am worthy, I just need to figure out how to show that.

I certainly don’t sit around feeling sorry for myself or play the victim, and I try not to get too close to those who wallow in their own pity party.

I can self-sabotage at times. I am aware of what I need to be doing to stay fit and healthy, to take on less and create space to breathe, but I do find myself saying yes to things even when they fill me with dread.

I did resonate with the self-neglect description of assuming I’m ok when I’m not and having a default setting of self-reliance and self-sufficiency out of feeling there is no one to rely on. If I don’t let anyone get to close, I won’t get let down or hurt, therefore I won’t ask for help with perhaps I should.

Are you a pitier, doubter, sabotager or neglecter?

Need a lesson in resilience?

Disappointment is part and parcel of everyday life when our expectations don’t align with reality. This could be anything from a meal that you’ve been anticipating all day not tasting so good; birthday celebrations that had to be cancelled because of Covid; or someone’s action or inaction.

You can’t remove disappointment from life completely, but you can learn to deal with it better and even come back stronger for it.

In an article in Health & Wellbeing Magazine we are told that disappointment is an internal emotion powered by shame related to expectations and sometimes regret. It can feel like loss associated with lack of achievement or a missed opportunity; something we feel we want but can’t have and thwarted goals.

The article’s experts said that disappointment can have some benefits. It can help us focus on those aspects of our lives that help us learn and grow by highlighting what is meaningful to us. It can reveal your passion for something, provide opportunities for personal development and make you stronger in the long run.

Getting bad news is a hard pill to swallow, particularly when it knocks our confidence. Feeling sorry for ourselves is a perfectly normal response. If we embrace that feeling it can make getting over it easier. Take time to feel the hurt, upset or shock. Blocking it out isn’t good for our mental or physical health and it can invalidate our true feelings, having a negative impact on self-worth. We shouldn’t be worried about having difficult feelings as they can teach us a lot. We need time to process things and understand what caused us to feel this way.

Being there for other people going through disappointment takes strength of character. It can be too easy to fall into the trap of over empathising with the other person which can leaving us feeling drained. We may need to listen to our own needs and protect ourselves in order to be in the best place to help others. We may need to set boundaries by asking what the other person needs and then consider if we are the right person to give it to them.

Trying to avoid disappointment all the time detracts from what we really want. Learning to cope with difficult feelings is through experiencing them and surviving them. Once you’ve had a disappointing experience it can give us opportunities to find different ways to work towards resolving it. Reflect on what we feel disappointed about and how we show that disappointment to ourselves and others. Do we need to adjust our expectations, or negotiate? Putting things in perspective goes a long way to find hope in times of trouble. Will is still matter this time next year? In ten years?

The article suggested that we learn from the experience, consider what went wrong, why and how this could be prevented from happening again. Life doesn’t always follow the path we’d like it to, so let go of the reins a bit and live in the now.

When did you last laugh? Truly, madly, deeply laugh?

The short answer to that one is, I can’t remember. I sometimes think about why I don’t laugh much. I may have chuckle, or a chortle or let out the odd snort now and them, but rarely have a good old belly laugh. To be honest I find it kind of awkward.

I also don’t find what a lot of other people consider funny, to be funny at all. Certain comedians that other people rave about I really don’t rate at all (think Ricky Gervais et al). My social group enjoy a snicker every now and then, but we’re not really the type of people who gut wrenchingly guffaw. At home I’ll probably smile at something mildly amusing but C can really belt out the belly laughs to the point he’s crying sometimes, whilst I’m sitting there think what was so funny?

I recall a former work colleague arranging a laughter workshop during a wellbeing day. People gathered in a circle and just laughed. Really laughed. Personally, I was rather horrified at the idea.

Laughter is a way to get through life’s problems and release tension, just give that little bit of respite in a crazy world. There’s now a whole industry built on laughter yoga that provides tools and techniques for adopting laughter into every day life when you’re feeling a bit down, according to Sudi Pigott in Platinum magazine.

Apparently women are better at laughing at themselves than men, even about how ageing affects us, and we are 30 times more likely to laugh at something when we are with other people.

Laughter is often quotes as “the best medicine” and there is evidence to suggest that laughter has some powerful health benefits such as relieving pain, lowering stress, stimulating blood flow to your heart, lungs, muscles and increases endorphins released by your brain, and it can boost your immune system by releasing neuropeptides that help fight stress and possibly more serious illnesses.

Founder of the worldwide laughter movement Dr Madan Kataria said “To know laughter is good. To ‘do’ laughter is even better”. So why are we so inhibited by letting go?

I guess my own self-consciousness stops me from letting it go. I don’t even know what I find anymore. I’ve been to a few stand up shows, but didn’t find them funny at all, yet I can watch stand up on the TV and chuckle away merrily. I have experienced the spread of group-laughter; when one person starts laughing uncontrollably, then others join in, not necessarily because they found whatever the first person found funny, but it becomes infections. I’ve been a willing participant in that.

Sadly, the article doesn’t offer any suggestions as to how we might be able to inject more laughter into our lives. Do you have any?

Using a “net purpose score” to measure engagement

I was reading an article by Stephanie Vozza on how measuring employee engagement and performance by productivity and output may not give you an accurate view of employee desire to stay. As I was reading it I was seeing parallels with the world of #bellringing and whether people stay or leave when they’re learning to ring.

A survey conducted by MIT Sloan Management Review of nearly 4,300 leaders explored shifting attitudes about leadership during challenging times. They found as the research went on and the pandemic hit, it became clearer that we ought to be paying more attention to all dimensions of experience, where attrition rates aligned to emotional, mental and purposeful wellbeing.

The net purpose score is based on whether someone would recommend a product or service, or whether the employee would be an advocate for the organisation. In #bellringing terms would someone learning to ring recommend it, become a champion for it and recommend it to their friends and family?

On a wider #bellringing scale when thinking about Associations or the Central Council of Church Bell Ringers we don’t tend to ask questions such as “Do you feel the organisation stands for something?” and “Do you feel the organisation reflects and honours the principles and purpose for which it says?” and “Would you recommend someone getting involved?”.

In the same way as corporate leaders do, #bellringing leaders at every level have a direct impact on their band, Association or organisation net purpose score. How do we, as #bellringing leaders lead by example ensuring connection between words and actions?

I was speaking with a ringer recently who he said he didn’t understand the Central Council or what they did. As being an active member of Central Council activities, I explained how the Council provides a common language and terminology for describing aspects of method ringing. It provides guidance and support, and aims to support and encourage ringing by:

helping to find alternative long-term sources of recruits who have the potential to be good ringers;
ensuring no ringer should hit a barrier to their own progression;
promoting the pursuit of excellence in everything we do;
ensuring that the sound of church bells remains part of our cultural soundscape and is appreciated and understood;
recognising that the pursuit of method ringing is not the only measure of success for a ringer; and
ensuring that the Church continues to value our contribution

The Central Council President has recently issued the updated Strategic Priorities, noting action and progress to date. Clear evidence that action is connected to words and that even due to the pandemic, and in some cases because of it, so much has been going on.

But how do we get that message out, so that grass roots ringers feel we stand for something, that we reflect and honour the principles and purposes we state and they feel they want to get involved? The same could be said at Association level too.

Of course we have communication methods. We have various email groups for Association officers, to Central Council Reps, our website and social media but at best we probably only reach about 15% of ringers worldwide. We also now have RingingForums where anyone with a particular topic interest can pose a question, ask for and offer advice. Most of these methods require the individual to engage in some way i.e. register to receive email updates or participate in RingingForums.

It seems that only those who are interested in engaging will engage, whilst those who don’t won’t. There comes a time when we need to recongise the effort put into trying to engage the unengageable isn’t worth it. However, there are many reasons why people don’t engage. The trouble being, because they don’t engage, it’s difficult to find out their reasons why and do be able to do something to address it. Being able to reach those leaders to show them what’s on offer is the difficulty though, especially if they are unengageable.

It brings it back to the “user experience” and how the individual feels at their local tower. If the local leadership demonstrates active engagement, including in respect of emotional, mental and purposeful wellbeing for each of their ringers, and is engaged with and promotes the support and mechanisms the wider group of towers, district or Association can offer, then others are more likely to follow suit, thereby increasing the net purpose score.

I spent a lot of time writing articles for #bellringing journals, social media and press yet I still hear stories from people who say they don’t know what’s going on, or hadn’t seen anything about a particular event. When I ask if they read the article in the Ringing World, or on the website, or the email I sent round, or in the newsletter (as I generally send things out in multiple formats) and they say “no”, I rest my case. You can take a horse to water but can’t make it drink. It’s all out there.

I am trying to provide a platform for people to feel the organisations I’m involved with stand for something, that they reflect and honour their principles, but I can only be responsible for so much. The rest is down to you.

So I’ll ask the questions:

On a scale of 0-5 where 0 is “not at all” and 5 is “absotootinlootly”:

Do you feel the organisation stands for something?
Do you feel the organisation reflects and honours the principles and purpose for which it says?
Would you recommend someone getting involved?

Let me know if you’re responding at a local, district, Association or Central Council level.

Do you skip breakkie?

I used to skip breakfast every day. I don’t seem to be able to eat first thing in the morning. I physically can’t move my mouth so soon after waking up. That meant I’d usually be hungry mid-morning and fall in to the trap of snacking sugary, carb laden treats rather than something that would keep me satisfied until lunch time. I have only started regularly eating breakfast in the last two years or so, but even then it’s usually a couple of hours after waking up.

In an article in December’s Top Sante magazine the debate of whether skipping breakfast is any better or worse for weight loss seems still up for debate. It records that more people are skipping breakfast putting it down to time restrictions, or jumping on the latest intermittent fasting fad. It seems the benefits of fasting and skipping breakfast are no more than eating a good breakfast and cutting out the morning snacking.

A trail in 2014 investigated whether eating breakfast versus skipping it over a 16 week period had any impact on weight loss. It concluded that there was no improvement in weight loss associated with eating breakfast relative to skipping breakfast. Further studies tested the belief that skipping breakfast lead to more snacking late in the day and that eating breakfast helps improve satiety for the rest of the day. Again, they concluded no consistent evidence one way or the other. Researchers did find that those who eat breakfast tended to follow a healthier lifestyle generally, exercise more, got to bed earlier, consume more fibre and smoke and drink less.

The article reported that those who skip breakfast tend to have high blood sugar, acid and blood pressure levels and lower HDL cholesterol. They are more likely to have higher body weight, greater risk of developing Type 2 Diabetes and increased chances of clogging arteries. This can result in a higher risk of heart attack and stroke, regardless of whether they have history of poor health or not.

In a different trial lean and obese participants cut out breakfast for an extended period. Those that ate breakfast had to eat at least 700 calories by 11am with a minimum of 50% of those within two hours of getting up. It seemed that eating breakfast resulted in a drop in fat burning genes in the lean individuals. That’s because the body switches to burning the food that has been consumed, rather than body fat. When those participants then changed to skipping breakfast, their body fat burning improved. In a fasted state the body moved to burning body fat to fuel their day. Therefore if you are lean and active, some fasting may improve your ability to burn body fat.

With the obsess group of participants when they ate breakfast it resulted in a drop in fat burning genes and decreased the activity of genes involved in insulin resistant. Eating breakfast in this group improved their ability to take up carbohydrates and glucose control. Eating breakfast helped this group. For this group skipping breakfast increased inflammation which worsens glucose control. It worsened blood glucose response to lunch.

So, it seems that if you are overweight, the right kind of breakfast appears to be important for protecting against Type 2 Diabetes and other adverse health effects of high blood sugar. If you’re active and have a healthy body weight occasionally skipping breakfast can support metabolic health. Essentially, an individualised approach is important, context matters.

As someone who fits in the overweight category, I eat oats based pancakes and half a grapefruit for breakfast a couple of hours after waking on the days I’m at work. It usually keeps me satisfied until lunch time. It hasn’t helped me lose any weight, but at least I’m not trying to fill up on cake and biscuits instead. I don’t tend to eat breakfast on a Friday when I’m at home. Saturday’s is a bit of a bad habit of bacon buttie, but then no breakfast on Sunday.

Do you eat or skip breakfast? What’s you go to breakkie?

2 Words that will turn your life into a fine romance

We are taught from a very early age to say thank you for an act of consideration or kindness. A thank you shouldn’t be reserved for teaching children good manners or only people or extravagant things. Life generally deserves a huge thank you. We are offered gifts every day we often take for granted. As an adult we can act like a spoiled child when we forget our manners.

Thank yous can be much more powerful than an “I hate this”. We sometimes think we have to have something in order to change or resist it. This attitude keeps you stick with circumstances that never change. A grateful heart will attract more into your life than you imagined.

Life hands you gifts all the time, from the simple every day things, like getting a text message from your adult child asking if the loaf of bread she’s just made looks cooked enough. You got the text. You had the technology for your adult child to reach out to you. They wanted to reach out to you. They have learned the skills to bake bread to feed themselves. They can be self-sustaining because you taught them how to look after themselves.

If you gave someone a gift and they complained about it, wouldn’t you consider them rude? In a world where we want more, faster, we fail to see all that we already have.

How would you feel if you stopped to notice the daily treasurers in your life that you’ve been overlooking? Look around you and notice all you have. When we say thank you to life we start to fall in love with our lives as it is, in this moment. The more you love life, the more life loves you back.

Make how you feel the number one priority and gratitude can help shift your state of being.

Podcast fave Tonya Leigh suggested setting yourself a seven day thank you challenge. There is so much to be grateful for. Say thank you to the simplest moments, sometimes out loud, sometimes inwardly. She offered some examples:

Thank you for the food on the table, a sunrise and sunset, waking up and taking a breath, the trees as they turn beautiful autumn colours, the ability to see, feel, smell, hear and taste, a body that allows you to experience life, running water.
Thank you for the things you wanted and now have: relationships, work, family, home.
Thank you for the things you get to experience: long walks, cooking a lovely meal, writing, reading, watching a film, meeting friends, travel.
Thank you for the things you used to complain about: laundry – be grateful for the clothes that you get to wear and the ability to keep them clean and fresh. Taking out the rubbish – be thankful that the dustmen come round each week to collect it from your house. Your body – it’s what make you uniquely you.
Thank you for things ahead of time for things yet to be experienced: planning a trip, spending time with friends, a romantic night out.

Its human nature to want more but if you can’t appreciate what you already have, why do you deserve more?

I always make a point of saying thank you for the simple things in life. I say thank you to C every evening when he dishes up a fresh home cooked meal, or does the laundry, or fixes something. I thank R for letting us come to see her and wanting to spend time with her parents. I thank friends and colleagues for their sage advice and support. I thank people for turning out to come #bellringing with me. I always make a point of thanking the kitchen and domestic staff when I stay in hotels. I thank people for holding a door open for me. I thank the delivery driver who not only delivers our office stationery, but puts it away in the cupboard for me even though it’s not his job. I thank the woman in the office who every morning says that my homemade biscoff pancakes I reheat in the microwave, smell delicious.

What deserves a thank you in your life?